To The Sea

Sonia had never traveled alone and now here she was on a beach at dawn awaiting the Puerto Rican sunshine. She sat down at the edge of the shore drawing her legs into her chest and curling her toes in the damp, cool sand. Taking slow, deep breaths, she allowed her brain to empty admitting only the constant sound of the gentle waves licking her feet and the feel of the steady breeze.

“Sammy, remember our morning walks along this beach?” she said aloud. It had been a year since Sammy had died; a year since the only man she had ever known left her side. They married when she was twenty-one, just out of college, after dating for three years. She smiled thinking about something she had told her best friend Estelle a week after meeting him- “That’s the man I’m going to marry.” Now after fifty-two years of marriage, she was alone. Water reached her ankles then rushed away taking the sand under her feet with it.

More thoughts of her late husband flooded her leaving Sonia awash in a not unpleasant grief. She would always quip during the marriage, “Sammy, if you die on me, I’ll kill you!” It was always good for a laugh. “And now you’re really dead, Sam,” she said out loud to the sea. She pushed her fingers into the soft sand and scooped a pile onto the arches of her feet. A prop plane buzzed overhead. Sonia covered her eyes with her hand to watch it disappear into the grayish-blue sky. A dog, it’s tongue hanging from the side of its mouth, splashed in the surf near her. She watched its gleeful movements, hopping in and out with each successive wave. A shrill whistle pierced the air and the dog ran away.

Sonia closed her eyes inhaling the salt air and feeling the sun warm her eyelids. She repeated-“Thank you,” to herself. “Thank you for this morning. Thank you for the sun and the air and the water that is calming me. Thank you for the life I have led. That I’m living.”

She kept her eyes closed and hugged her legs.

She didn’t know how long she remained in that position, but when she blinked her eyes open a young woman was standing next to her. The young woman’s hair hung to her shins, long, loose, tendrils of black locks. Her brown skin, the color of sand and water, seemed almost translucent in the morning sun. Sonia thought she could look right through her.

“Come with me,” the woman said, reaching her ethereal hand towards Sonia.

The calm of her meditation disrupted by this woman’s presence, Sonia asked,

“Who are you?”

“I am the Sea,” the woman said. “Come.” She held her hand out again.

“Leave me alone,” Sonia lifted herself from the sand and tried to walk away from the woman. “Crazies everywhere!” she said shaking her head. She plodded through

the dry sand to reach the entrance to the hotel. Passing a security guard she said, “You should do your job and make sure only guests are on this beach.” From behind his dark glasses, the guard noted that it was a public beach.

“Did someone bother you?”

“Yes! She did,” Sonia turned and pointed to the spot she had just left. The beach was empty save for a few runners and a man setting up beach chairs..

The guard scanned the shoreline. “I’m sorry, Senora. I don’t see anyone,”.

“Well, she was there a few moments ago. Thin woman, dreadlocks to her knees. I don’t know where she went, but, oh never mind.” Sonia felt a bit foolish.

“Have a nice day, Senora,” the guard said.

The next morning, Sonia woke early again. From her window she could see the solitary beach and the sun penetrating the waning darkness of dawn. She slipped into her caftan and flipflops and headed to the shore. Instead of walking a distance, she decided she would meditate in view of the guard who stood at the beach entrance.

“Buenas dias,” she said to the white-shirted, burly guard who in spite of the early hour wore dark glasses.

“Buenas dias, Senora,” he replied with little affect in his voice.

“I’ll be sitting right there. Please keep an eye out for me.” Sonia pointed to where she planned to be.

“Very good, Senora,” the guard answered.

Sonia walked to the water letting her feet feel the morning water’s warmth. Sonia thought about how much Sammy loved Caribbean water. He hated beaches where the water was cold. Couldn’t get used to having to shock the body in order to swim. Sonia sat down. She breathed in her solitude. Apart from the waves, the only sound if she listened closely, was the beating of her heart. She lay down and let the warm water wash her legs and then run up her back before it returned to the sea. Once again, she found herself slowing her breath and focusing on her thoughts as she closed her eyes. “I didn’t think I could do this without you, Sammy. But here I am. I ate at that restaurant we always visited when we came here together. The mofongo is as good as it’s always been.” She smiled thinking of her dinner the night before. The waiter had remembered her and asked about Sammy. “I’m so sorry, Senora. Please allow me,” he said refilling her glass of wine. “On me, por favor.”

When Sonia opened her eyes the young woman from the day before was standing in the water in front of her. The tips of the woman’s hair were submerged in the water and the loose strands fanned out like the fingers of a jellyfish. The young woman scooped water in her palms and then let it run out through her fingers. Sonia sat up and watched her.

“Come join me,” said the woman. She began walking towards Sonia.

“You better leave me alone. You see that guard over there,” Sonia turned to point at the stoic guard who remained in his position.“ He’s watching everything. I told him to look out for you.”

Ignoring Sonia’s alarm, the young woman bent and cupped water in her hand. “Look,” she said. “Hold out your hand and let me share a drop with you. A single drop of water contains all the elements of the powerful ocean. Let me share that power with you.”

“I told you to leave me alone,” said Sonia lifting herself from the beach. She waved at the guard. “I’m going to tell that guard you’re bothering me.” She retreated to the entrance of the hotel.

“That woman is a nuisance,” she told the guard. “She’s bothered me two days now.”

“Senora? Quien?” asked the guard.

“Her!” Sonia said, almost shouting. “Who else? Are you blind?” She turned to identify her nemesis, but the beach, like the morning before, was empty.

“You didn’t see a woman talking to me?”

“No, Senora. I’m sorry. I must have looked away.”

“I told you to mind me and you say you saw no one? I guess I’m the crazy one now.” Sonia left wondering if she really was losing her mind. “Sammy, you always said I was a lunatic, but I didn’t think you meant it literally. I’m not crazy. That woman was there.” She went into the hotel lobby and ordered some herbal tea. This tea, a hot shower, and a nap. I’ll feel better.

After a day trip to the old city and a pleasant mid-afternoon meal, Sonia returned to her hotel. The young woman entered her mind, and she tried to dismiss her from her thoughts. Who is she? How did the guard not see her? She could see the woman’s sinewy body, her clear skin the color of the sea, her long hair. She thought she would engage her the next morning if she appeared again.

Rising early once more, Sonia headed to the ocean. Passing the silent sentry she nodded when he offered his morning greeting. No need to ask for his help, she thought. She found a spot by the shore just above the dark, irregular line of receding water. Digging her feet into the sand, she lowered herself and sat with her hands reaching behind her back. She remained alert waiting for the woman to appear. The sea, eternal and relentless, flowed up and around her its warm water soothing her. She let the lips of the waves kiss her feet and moved more of her body towards the surf.

“Come.” Sonia heard the young woman’s voice, but had not seen nor heard her approach. The diaphanous form of the woman stood before her.

“How did you get here? I didn’t see you come.”

“If you come with me, you won’t need your eyes to see,” the young woman said.

“Where do you want me to go?” Sonia asked. “I need to know.”

“I will take you to the everlasting sea, to the timeless sea,” said the woman. “Come with me. You have nothing to fear.”

Sonia could feel her heart trembling and a sensation, a tingling, ran through her body. She stood up her legs shaking beneath her. “You’ll have to help me. I’m afraid.”

“Don’t be afraid. Hold my hand. I will be with you.”

This is insane. Not knowing why, she grabbed the woman’s arm and felt a gentle tug leading her into the water. A wave splashed and the woman submerged taking Sonia with her. Sonia felt the woman slipping away from her, but saw her hair become the arms of an octopus and her body become water. Sonia was being led deeper into the ocean by an octopus and she was conscious of her own body, but not in a way she had ever been before. It was as if she had become water. She seemed to be thinking and breathing, but she no longer belonged to a body. She could hear the young woman speaking to her, telling her to let go of fear, but the voice was a sound felt somewhere in her liquid soul. She felt warm and no longer tethered to the octopus. She tried to grab the young woman who was no longer in sight.

“Help, help me!” Sonia thought she was screaming, but she realized she had no voice. “Take me back. I want to go back!” Her words got swallowed by the movement of the sea.

She thought she had drowned, but did not understand how she could have that thought if it were true. She had become breath and foam and felt herself floating in the deep. She didn’t understand what was happening. She called for the young woman as a shark, its double row of teeth bared, came swimming toward her. The shark stopped in front of her and grinned. Sonia was confused. The grinning shark was now a school of phosphorescent fish. They swam in Sonia, through her. She felt herself become one of them, moving in unison with the sea, one of the countless silent citizens of the sea.

Once again, Sonia found herself transformed and sensed that she had become water again. She felt herself moving with the current. She was conscious of desire, of fear, of want,

but she couldn’t understand how or if she was feeling this. She saw the young woman who had now taken on the form of a reef.

“I’m still here,” the woman said. “I’m always here.” The woman’s voice was an ethereal sound, like music never heard. Sonia heard it as a pulse. The sound beat through her. The young woman had transformed once more and had no discernible shape or form, no beginning, no end, yet Sonia knew she was with her. Sonia felt a wave flow through her and this new warmth made her cry. Water weeping water.

Sonia felt herself at the intersection of sea, sky, and wind, at the edge of the horizon. She sensed the presence of innumerable souls all awash within each other. Sammy was there with them. She felt Sammy’s voice inside her. She felt herself becoming one with him and took pleasure in their union, water to water, foam to foam, an endless coupling. Electric sensations pulsed through her watery soul. A profound sense of peace bathed her consciousness. Untroubled, she succumbed to the ocean’s power and let it become her.

The hotel security guard adjusted his sunglasses as he left the bathroom to return to his post. He looked out on the beach where the hotel workers were arranging the chairs and umbrellas. The usual joggers and dog walkers paced by the shore. He didn’t see the elderly woman. She had been at the shore when he stepped away. He thought it odd that she had left so quickly. Maybe she went upstairs while I was in the bathroom. It is getting hot. The hypnotic roar of the cresting waves tumbling to the shore soothed him. In the water, a pair of flipflops floated up and down, up and down, letting the sea take them where it would.