Misogamist

"Don't you go anywhere near that bag, you hear me?"

I let out a small huff from where I lie on the sofa, loud enough so that Mallory can hear. I do my best to ignore her completely most days, limiting any interaction to when it is totally unavoidable. I make a little more effort to be friendly to her when dads around.  

"Oi! I'm talking to you!" 

I slowly turn my head in her direction and make brief eye contact before turning back over to try and get back to sleep. I hear Mallory mumble something that sounds suspiciously like 'waste of space' as she walks out of the lounge. A few moments later I hear her pick up her car keys and coat and she leaves the house. 

I listen for the telltale squeak of the garden gate closing before I heave myself off of the sofa and make a beeline for the bag she has left hanging over the top of the door. From all of the netted fabric hanging out of the bottom of the bag it's easy to see that this must be Mallory's wedding dress. Confusion crossed my mind for a moment, wasn't my stunt with the flowers a clear signal that I didn't want this to happen? I think back to the argument that occurred less than a week ago, after I vented my frustration at the upcoming nuptials, onto the bridesmaids bouquets. Resulting in me being shipped off to Grandmas for the night. I didn't mind, Grandma spoils me even more than dad does most of the time so it was like a holiday and I got a break from Mallory and her constant whining. 

Obviously, I thought, I didn't make my point clear enough. I gently gripped the hem at the bottom of the netting and tugged- my intention being to drag the dress out to the back garden and hope for rain- but it didn't budge. I adjusted my grip, making sure to get more fabric this time and pulled harder. Suddenly I was aware of the sound of tearing fabric. I stopped. Shocked briefly at what I had just done and inspected the damage. The lacy fabric hanging from the back of the dress was now split in two. I turned my head and considered this for a moment. Repairable? Probably not. Noticeable? Not half as much as I wanted it to be. If this was my last chance to put a stop to this ridiculous charade of a wedding then I needed to up my game. I grabbed the fabric again from a different area and pulled harder this time, and as the door began to swing closed the dress slid from its hanger and landed in a crumpled pile on the floor. Success! 

The heavy door slammed shut behind me as I took the opportunity to have a closer look at the dress. A sparkly pattern twinkled as it caught the light of the sun through the window. No chance of rain then, I guess I'll just have to make do without. I walked over the soft fabric of the bottom layer of the dress, hopefully leaving some dirty marks behind, and continued my 'redesign' of Mallory's dress. There is something really satisfying about the sound of ripping fabric, It made me want to grit my teeth together and then pull even harder, especially when the little sparkly bits started detaching. This would be hell to clean up, and I'd probably be stepping on the little beads for weeks but it would be worth it if it meant it got rid of Mallory. 

I found I was actually enjoying myself as I shredded the garment into tiny pieces and anticipated the reaction when everyone got home. Sure, dad might be a little cross, but in the long run he would realise I was doing him a favour. I knew Mallory's secret, I saw the other man she brought home whenever dad was away, did she think I was blind? There was no way I could just stand by and let this wedding happen and do nothing. 

I took a step back and admired my handy work, not an inch of fabric left unscathed. Pleased with myself, I left the ravaged heap of fabric on the floor and went back to my previous position on the sofa. Intending to finish off my afternoon nap. While I waited for sleep to find me I imagined what the reaction would be when everyone got home. Honestly, If you ask me, I should be getting rewarded for this. I was doing dad a favour. 

It was dark out before I awoke to the sound of keys in the front door, I quickly jumped up and headed for the hallway before realising it was Mallory that had arrived and not dad. I grumbled to myself as I turned back to the warm spot I had left on the sofa. I could hear Mallory's muffled voice speaking to someone as I made myself comfortable and waited. It really would have been better if dad was here for the discovery of the dress but judging from his recent schedule, I knew he should be home any minute. 

The door handle twisted and Mallory's voice drifted through "I've got to go, I'll speak to you later" followed by the sound of her mobile disconnecting. Slowly the door creaked open and light filled the room as she pressed the switch. I squinted into the brightness and waited expectantly. 

A gasp. Then silence.

As my eyes adjusted I studied her face. She looked horrified, even worse than when I destroyed the flowers, for a moment I felt immense satisfaction, I sat up in my chair and opened my mouth, ready to let that satisfaction out, when slowly and deliberately, she turned to me and the sound caught in my throat. Her face twisted into a rage I'd never seen before as she glared. Her hands balled into fists and started to shake while her face filled with colour. All at once I was alert, I jumped up from my seat and stood to face her, waiting for her to make a move. What felt like minutes had passed, when all of a sudden she took a step toward me and raised her hand. I shrank back from her and braced myself, suddenly I was afraid. 

Both our heads turned towards the sound of the front door opening. A wave of relief washed over me- dad was home. 

Dads eyes flickered between us as he paused and took in the situation, Mallory's hand gradually began to fall while the seconds ticked by. Eventually his gaze landed on the heap of fabric on the floor.

"What's...what happened?" He asked as he reached behind him and closed the front door. I took my opportunity to escape, hurriedly squeezing between Mallory and the sofa, and out of the lounge to stand behind dad. 

"Look at what he's done!" Mallory screamed, pointing at the mess. "I told you after the last time he couldn't stay here anymore but you didn't listen! This is your fault! Look at my dress! It's ruined!" Her voice rose in volume until she started to cry. 

"How is this my fault?!" Dad responded, sounding annoyed. He took a deep breath and turned to look at me, I kept my head down and avoided his eyes. " Look Mal, we can get another dress"

"Are you stupid?! The wedding is a week away! How will I ever get this dress replaced in time? What do you think I'm going to do? Just pop into a charity shop and buy the first thing I find?!" She shouted sarcastically. Unseen by either of them, I rolled my eyes. 

Dad sighed, "Well why did you leave it in here? After last week I thought we agreed we were keeping everything locked upstairs so he couldn't get to it? Look, let's not get so worked up about-"

"Don't you DARE blame this on me! You know what? I've had enough! You know what I said would happen if anything like this happened again and now it has. So you know what you need to do"

"Mal, can't we talk about this?"

"No." 

"Be reasonable Mallory, wh-"

"I said no."

"So why are you re-homing him?" The lady asked, she had a soft voice and glasses on her face, she smiled down at me. I panted as I sat on the floor and enjoyed the cool tiles after our long walk through the forest. Dad at me and scratched the back of my head, he turned to the lady. 

"Oh my fiancée...she's allergic to dogs. We are getting married in a few days and she can't stay in the house with him"

The kind lady looked sad and put her hand to her chest "Oh that's such a shame, I'm sorry to hear it. Well we will certainly find him a good home here. Won't we, lovely boy!" My tail wagged harder at her friendly tone and I jumped up from the floor and trotted over to the lady, hoping for some scratches. 

"All the paperwork is filled out, I'll give you a minute to say goodbye"

Dad crouched down beside me and I moved to face him. His expression was crumpled in an unfamiliar way, I turned my head and waited.

"I'm so sorry buddy." He whispered as he smoothed my head. "But the ladies here are gonna find you a great new family, with a big garden and a comfy bed" He paused and took a deep breath, then he stood and handed my lead over to the lady behind the counter.

"Be a good boy Bruno"