True Love

They hadn’t spoken in over two years. Hadn’t dated in almost three. Had exchanged the odd text, lingered on the odd late-night call, but nothing more than that. Heidi had relished in each moment they’d shared, often crying all night afterwards. It was as if nothing had ever happened between them, to him. To her, her world stopped spinning for some while. During their time apart, she had seen him, but he had not seen her.

Round the corner of a shop aisle. Through her car window as he walked down his street. In her favourite coffee shop– the one she had to stop going to because he loved it there too. She had shown him it, told him what best to order, made him comfortable, and he had stolen it from her.

“Come in,” Heidi said, cracking open her door just enough to allow him to slip through. His hand brushed hers on entry, and the ecstasy she’d missed raced up her arm, through her neck. “Want a drink?”

With the door closed, and Tyler now sat on her sofa, the same way he always had before– shoes kicked off, hair a little scruffed, glasses resting on the coffee table, all he did was shake his head. Elbows leaning on his thighs. Fingers interlocked.

She sat beside him, not touching, but she could smell him. Oh, how she’d missed that smell. She had chosen it for him, after all. That exact perfume. He was still wearing it. That had to mean something.

“Can I get you anything else?” she chirped, eyes widening as his jaw flexed. “A blanket? A movie? Oh! I still have your favourite movie and snacks if you’d like?”

Again, Tyler just shook his head. Eyes scrunching closed and fingers tightening and tightening like a vice.

Heidi chewed on her bottom lip, concern racing through her mind. He was here, this was just what she’d wanted, but now what?

He had shocked her when the message came through: ‘can I come over, please, if it’s not too much? I need to stop for a moment.’ But she still wasn’t quite sure what he’d meant, and why her house was the right place for whatever he needed. Nonetheless, she was grateful. Finally, she might have the chance she’d been crossing her fingers for since their split.

“How… How are you?” Heidi whispered, after a few moments of silence.

Tyler’s perfect face twisted, and he released one of his hands to pinch the bridge of his nose. Another shake of his head.

“I– I don’t know,” his voice was cracked, the syllables fractured. “I don’t know what to think.”

Heidi wanted to scoot closer, to feel his warmth beside her leg, to hold his hand within hers. She missed the way he would circle his thumb on her palm. The softness of his hands on her skin. But she stayed put, close, but not close enough.

“I’m sorry, Tyler,” she murmured, low and slow and warm. She cared for him so much it was as if they’d never broken up. “You seemed so happy together.” The words trundled out of her mouth like porcupine spikes, stabbing the skin on her tongue and scratching her throat.

“I thought so too,” he whimpered, and raked all ten fingers through his thick, brunette hair. “I’m just so confused.”

Heidi swallowed the urge to tell him exactly what she thought, and reached a hesitant hand out to his thigh. Gentle. Barely even a touch. Her fingers ignited with fire the moment they took on his heat, and she had to stop herself from grinning.

“What happened?” Although she already knew what had happened, he couldn’t know that. “If you want to tell me, that is.”

He didn’t shy away from her touch, but leaned further into it. Her entire palm now more than rested on him. She could almost feel his pulse. She wished she could.

Then he lifted his head from his hands, brows creased and eyes glittering, a slight tremble to his flush lips. Don’t stare at his lips, Heidi. But that’s exactly what she did. Her attention danced between all of his features, stuttering on his lips longer than she should have. But she couldn't have helped it. No woman could have.

“I– I woke on the morning I first called you. And she wasn’t there, which was strange for her,” he said, voice rustling like leaves. “I called and texted her, but I was blocked. She’d been out the night before…” His entire face contorted as if there was lemon in his eyes. Heidi held her stare on him, hand still on his tensing thigh, blood rushing through her ears.

“I searched the house, all over. Until I found… a note.”

They were now so close together that one tiny little shuffle would connect their foreheads, perhaps their lips. Saliva was almost dripping from Heidi’s lips, but now was not the time. Not yet.

Thump, thump, thump, her heart spoke.

“A note?” She repeated, feigned shock.

Tyler nodded, stiff like wood. “She wrote that she had left me. She had met someone new some time ago. She was leaving me for another man, one with riches, one who lived in America.” He tried to sniff back his tears, but one escaped anyway. Trickling down the side of his flushed cheek, moving up and over, in and through, all the features of his face.

Heidi followed the tear with her eyes, right up until it hung delicately off his jaw. So bad did she want to lick it from his skin, taste him again. Even if it was just the salt from his sorrow, she wanted it.

Instead, she swallowed the urges and tilted her head. Squeezing his leg just a little, just enough to invigorate her some more. “How could she do that to you?” she asked.

His mouth twitched just at one corner, “I don’t know. We… We were supposed to get married. I was planning it all out and then–” A surprise sob cut him off. One Heidi was thankful for, as the fire burning in her stomach was now not just one of arousal and excitement, but fury. Married? She thought. How could he ever have married her?

But, masterful as she was, Heidi gently shook her head. “I’m so sorry, Tyler. You didn’t deserve this.”

He continued to choke on his sobs, head dipped and shoulders jerking, and all Heidi could think about was how good his muscles probably looked as they flexed under his struggle. How his forearms were positively filled with juicy veins, streams of blood thumping right through his body. All the way down his limbs.

To her surprise, Tyler leaned into her. His full torso collided with hers, head resting beside her breasts. She could not keep her breath steady, and was thankful for his loud whimpering as she was sure she had moaned a little at the touch.

The thumping, the rushing, the swirling.

Her fingers found his hair, his soft, bouncy, perfect hair, and she gently combed them through the strands. The shampoo he used filtering up her nose, and then she noticed his deodorant under the perfume, and then the sweat that he was trying to hide beneath it all.

Now she licked her lips, her mouth gushing with the need for him. She had missed him so much, and right now? She had never needed anything more.

“I missed you,” She let slip. “I missed you so much, Tyler.”

He cracked his head up to her, cheeks when and pretty. “You did?”

She almost snorted. What a ridiculous question. How could she have ever forgotten about him? Moved on from him? Stopped thinking of him every waking day and every dark night? He was her person, she was sure of it. Of course she had missed him. Had he not missed her?

“More than anything in the world.”

She was sure his eyes landed on her lips for a second, and then for longer than a second. She was sure he drew himself closer to her. She was sure he had missed her too.

“Do you want me to be honest?” Heidi asked, still stroking his hair.

He sniffled once more. “Of course.”

Honest? Almost. She would be almost honest.

“She was never right for you… I knew it from the second you got together.” That’s it. It was out in the open now.

Tyler did not respond, not outright. His lips pressed together and his brows loosened slightly, but he did not murmur a word.

“You are amazing in every sense of the word. She– she did not know what she had. She didn’t appreciate you enough.” Heidi had to stop her voice from rising to an inappropriate level, sucking back on a harsh breath. “She never saw you the way I saw you– the way I see you right now. The night she left, the night she went to Smith’s with her friends, it was set-in-stone that she didn’t appreciate you.”

Tyler flinched, like a pinch in the ribs. The distance between them grew. She had said more than she intended, but it was the truth. She had seen her out with her friends, she had seen her at the table with those men. Lashes fluttering, cheeks pink, hair tucked behind her ears. Why was she not at home with Tyler? Why was she entertaining those men? How could she not see what she had taken from her?

“I–I’m sorry, I don’t want to make it feel worse for you. But she wasn’t your person, Tyler. She just wasn’t…”

His stare burned into her like a thousand matches, a look in his eyes that she could not quite place. His leg tensed more beneath her palm, feathering in her grip.

Silence. Silence. Only the drumming of passion in Heidi’s ears. But she needed him to respond. She had done all this, she had made sure it all went this way, and it was all for him.

“Tyler?” she pleaded. “Please say something. You came here for a reason, didn’t you? Let me help.”

“Heidi–” his voice trailed off. “How could you have known she was at Smith’s?”

Sick. Gagging. Almost.

“What do you mean?” she half giggled, thick.

“You said she was at Smith’s. I never told you that.”

A mistake. A huge mistake.

“Didn’t you?” She licked her lips again. “I’m sure that you did–”

“-No,” he retorted. “I did not.”

“How can you be so sure?” She was panicking. She was hot. She was stuck. This was not what she had planned.

“I did not tell you, Heidi. I didn’t. How did you know?” With every word, every breath, every question, she felt him get further and further away. Her hand dropped from his leg as he moved down the sofa, she felt its cold absence immediately.

No. She could not deal with this feeling again. Rejection. Loneliness. Heartbreak.

“I–I just assumed! She was always there, wasn’t she? Her favourite place to go, it’s a small town. I must have assumed, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.” She reached forward to grasp him once more, desperate to have him in her arms again, but he dodged her attempt.

Her heart split in two.

“Tyler– please.”

“You told me you would leave her alone. You told me she would be safe,” he stuttered, words coming out in jumbles and rumbles. Tone so accusing. So mean.

Why couldn’t he have chosen her instead?

“Heidi, where is she? What have you done with her?” His voice was louder than it had ever been before. He was shouting, trembling, sweating. She could hear his heart racing in his chest and it was not the way she wanted it to.

“Heidi!” Shaking her, two hands puncturing wounds into her skin. She felt the bruise from each finger-tip instantly.

It was too much.

Snap. Squelch. Crack. Thud.

Quiet. Finally, it was quiet.

Finally, she could breathe again.