Feast

What did she eat today? She couldn't remember, no matter how hard she tried. Did she make pasta? Did Jennifer bring something from their favorite restaurant? As far as she could tell she could just try and remember anything, make her mind think, so that she doesn't fall. Is this really her?

Yes, it was. That girl that smashed her heart five years ago. Erica.

That awesome romantic story you hope to tell your kids later on, as they grow

up to be teenagers and start falling in love. Like she did.

It was December 2nd, when she decided that she would leave Mark. It was

his absence that made her realize he has not always been there for her. Work, gym,

endless meetings, late night shifts and so on. He always had excuses for every

single night he got home late, pretty drunk. Alice was certain that she wasn’t

in love anymore. She couldn’t help the fear of abandonment though, that made her

inner self so devastated. “I am so lucky we don’t have kids. If I am to leave

him, it’s so much easier now” she remembered saying at her best friend Marie,

on their Friday girls only date.

Focus, focus, focus Alice, she woke herself up. “So, this is Alice” a voice in the back mumbled as of course she realized I was dreaming and didn’t pay attention at all. “We go back about 11 years. We used to sit on the same desk at high school and here we are, she is now my best friend in life”, she went on and on for about what felt like years. “And this is Erica, I was telling you about for so long. My soon to be wifey”. Everybody chuckled, except me. I couldn’t find the strength to even smile.

Jennifer was polite enough to stand up and give Erica a warm handshake. She didn’t know who this woman really was. Otherwise she would punch her right in her face. Erica gave a warm smile at my wife, and then stared at me. As I got up and looked her in the eye, my legs stopped working. For seconds that seemed like months there was no air in the place, or so I thought. “Hi, I’m Erica”, she said. “Hello, I’m Alice, nice to meet you”. We didn’t realize how long our hands had been stuck together, until I felt it warm. We laughed and that was it. I was back.

“She seems nice”, Jennifer said while she stuck four of five grapes in her mouth, reminding me of that squirrel from “Over the hedge”, our favorite movie. “Erica seems to love Marie very much and they are cute, aren’t they?” “Yes, honey, they are made for each other” I said and ran to the kitchen, to fill my drink again.

“So, what do you think? I know you didn’t get the chance to meet her back then, but she has changed, Alice. She is so focused on us, she loves me and makes me laugh. I am so happy she sent me that text that night, telling me that I’m the only one she’s ever loved and that she wants us to be back together. I was stupid enough to believe she was cheating on me”. Oh I am sorry Marie, but you were.

As the minutes went by, I understood one thing: i wasn’t feeling really well. Was it the tequila shots? Or the fact that my one true love gave up on us? Neither, I said to myself. It was me, that made me feel so bad. And I knew why, from the moment I witnessed the couple looking at each others eyes.

“I know, I made a mistake. I know, okay? I know. I know. And I hate myself, okay? I do. But I love you. More than anything! Do you get it? Have you ever loved someone so bad, it hurts? Have you? I did. I do. You. Erica, I really really love you. I’ m gonna leave him, I swear. Tonight. No no please don’t hang up. No please. I swear. Tomorrow I’m free as a bird”.

“What are you talking about Alice?”. I froze. Was I thinking out loud? No, that couldn’t be it. “Sorry, honey, but what do you mean?”. “Who is free as a bird?” asked Jennifer, in so much confusion. “Me. I was a free bird once, and I miss It so much”.

The party was on fire. Everybody was dancing and having the best time of their lives. I wasn’t. I was overwhelmed by the fact my one true love couldn’t even look at me. She was over there, kissing my best friend. They were in love. Were they? I didn’t even know. I didn’t even care. All I wanted to do, was grab her and tell her I am sorry. For everything. I was. Was I? I hardly remember now. Tequila seems to have conquered my entire system, including my mind. Emotions started popping up and I just stood there. Empty. Full of tears I didn’t realize were already down my cheek.

- “So, I was thinking about what you said. Well, truth is I don’t really know her, so I don’t think I am onto this”

- “Well, she’s my best friend. I want her to be my bridesmaid. She is the closest friend I have. She’s been there for me for so long”.

- “Okay love. Whatever you feel like. Let’s make Alice our Bridesmaid, but there’s something you need to know”.

At first, I thought I was dreaming. But no. It was a slap. A really hard one, indeed, as I fell to the couch and burst in tears as my cheek hurt. As I got my eyes up, I looked at Marie’s red face. And I knew. My betrayal came to the surface.

“What the fuck are you doing, Marie? Alice, honey, are you okay?” Jennifer yelled at Marie while she held me so tight, I thought for a second all my ruins got back together. “I know exactly what I am doing. You don’t. Get the hell out of my sight, Alice. Get out of my house and my life. Now!”, Marie yelled, with her eyes filled with tears. Those ocean eyes I betrayed so many years back.

The eyes of Marie, who’s girlfriend I was having an affair with, behind her back.