13 Steps to Raising a Child as a Single Parent

13 Steps to Raising a Child as a Single Parent

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This is not a foolproof recipe. Results may vary.

Submitted by Heather Joy

Updated on June 11, 2025

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Prep Time: 18 years

Yield: one human child (fur baby recipe on the next page)

Ingredients

one spinal epidural (to be administered by an anesthesiologist)

drugs (kept vague on purpose, wink wink)

formula/breastmilk (as needed)

diapers (better get a membership to one of those bulk stores)

money (duh)

village members (to include trusted friends or family members)

heaping of patience, intelligence, and humor

dash of independence

pinch of gratitude

one phone

several books (for both kids and adults)

Directions

1. Congratulations! You’ve made it nine months with a human growing in your belly. I heard a C-section is in order. Be sure to receive the epidural 30-minutes prior to “delivery” to give it time to absorb in your body. You are literally being cut open, so don’t try to be a hero without it. It doesn’t impress anyone.

2. If physical pain persists take some drugs. Remember to administer the proper dosage because a new human life depends on you. Never lose sight of this fact.

3. Pick formula or breastmilk to feed your baby. C'mon, it’s 2025, there’s no shame in either choice. Attempt to feed the baby whenever they’re awake. Seriously. At this age if they already have a dry diaper, are clothed properly, and they’re still fussy, then most likely they’re hungry. Just feed them.

4. This brings me to the next point, diapers. Buy a lot of them. Then buy some more. Babies are like leaky faucets; they just keep dripping. Better to be safe than sorry. If your baby happens to grow out of a size, donations to your village members will be graciously accepted. Trust me. They'll be happy to take them off your hands.

5. You may have noticed your body didn’t quite bounce back to the pre-kid shape you remember. Not to mention the hemorrhoids, stretchmarks, and memory loss (yes, mom brain is legit). It’s okay to cry, phone a village member, or take drugs (in small doses) to ease your emotional pain. No judgement, here. Find whatever works for you. Did we already say, welcome to motherhood? No? Well, welcome to motherhood!

6. Oh bummer; maternity leave is over. It’s time to head back to work already. I know, so soon. But childcare is in order. Enlist a village member to look after your mini me because daycare will nearly be the cost of your whole paycheck. Sad but true. Yes, it truly does take a village.

7. Try to set up a routine (don't laugh) for you and your baby. Something simple like cuddle time, feeding, bathtime, books and outside play. You get the idea. This is instilling intelligence, humor, gratitude, and patience in your tiny tot. Look at you; you’re a natural! You got this.

8. Your kid is walking already. Holy moly; how time flies! Use your phone to play your favorite upbeat jams and have an indoor dance party to celebrate. Now you're both surrounded by giggles, and your heartrate is increasing. Who says exercise can’t be fun?

9. If you haven’t done so already, snap a stupid number of pictures of your kid with your camera. I'm talking pretend like you’re the paparazzi and never stop giving them your love and support. They have food all over their face. SNAP! They're sleeping peacefully. SNAP! They're holding up another artwork masterpiece to hang on the refrigerator. SNAP! Rack 'em up, baby! Besides, those toes and fingers won’t be that tiny forever.

10. Once they start making friendships with buddies at school, you get some “you time” back during the weekends and evenings. Woo Hoo! Fill these hours with village member play dates, reading a book that doesn’t have more pictures than words, or shopping without the interruption of, “Hey, mom! Please buy me this!” Wait. Who are you kidding? You’ll be using this time to sleep because you’re so freaking exhausted. All the never-ending laundry piles and home upkeep, the taxi service and meal preparation for your kid, teaching them manners and right from wrong, and mending their boo-boos and broken hearts. Whew! Why isn't this a paid gig, again? Never mind. Sweet dreams, mom. Just please leave your phone on in case an emergency arises for any of the above services that you provide.

11. It’s true, motherhood isn't all rainbows and butterflies. There will be times when your kid is defiant, throws tantrums, and talks back to you. They may get less than stellar grades in school, spend too much time on a screen, and forget the purpose of a clothes hamper. Ugh. Take deep breaths before reacting and lean heavily on whatever’s left in your patience supply. You can also resort to step five again: It’s okay to cry, phone a village member, or take drugs (in small doses) to ease your emotional pain. No pressure, but the majority does rest on your shoulders to teach your kid to be a better human.

12. Birthday parties can get a bit out of hand with the food catering, venue and entertainment choices, take home goody bags, and so on. Be intelligent and budget wisely. And no, you don’t have to invite their WHOLE class when your kid only talks to a few kids. That’s the silly nonsense that probably came from the same parent who insisted on having participation trophies for the entire youth sports team. *Shakes Head* Anyway, other holidays can be equally joyful. Feel free to celebrate them with village members. Just enjoy this time together while you still have your kid under your roof.

13. My oh my, they’ve graduated high school! If they don’t have a job already, help them decide if college or employment is the right next move for them. Soon enough they'll be on their way to living on their own. At that point, you did it, mom! They’re independent. Hopefully they show you a pinch of gratitude for everything you’ve done for them. No promises, though.