The Different Sides of Heartbreak

“I don’t want to be together anymore.”

Her stomach dropped to her feet. This was what she had feared for months now. Her first boyfriend, her first love, was rejecting her. Tears streamed down her face. She just couldn’t understand WHY. She had done everything to make him happy.

He tried to explain, but there was nothing he said that made sense. She crawled off the piano bench in the private practice room on their college campus, trying to get away from him, to run from the tear that was opening in her heart. Simultaneously she wished he would pull her into his embrace. She just couldn’t stop crying. All the anxiety, all the worry, all the effort had built up for over three months and now had come crashing down. She wanted him to leave but also wanted him to stay. Ridiculously, he offered to go get her ice cream. What could ice cream fix? She said yes anyway, and he left for a time. She curled into a fetal position on the floor and cried and cried. No part of her stopped to wonder if her reaction was perhaps too extreme to be considered typical.

He returned with the ice cream and she took a few bites, hiccuping. Finally, he left after saying that she could text him with questions. She set the ice cream aside. She took out her phone with shaking hands and sent a message.

***

Ann paused in her studies to look at her phone. There was a message from Sara.

He broke up with me. Can you come to the music practice rooms? Please.

Ann’s stomach did several flips. She had dreaded this moment, even though it had been almost inevitable. Deep sympathy for her friend warred with her hope that Sara might finally notice that Ann’s affection went deeper than friendship. Ann chastised herself. What was she doing, thinking of herself when Sara was devastated? She closed her books and left the dorm room.

She walked down the halls of the music building, and when she found the correct room, it was worse than she expected. There was Sara, curled on the floor crying softly and hiccuping. For some reason there was a small cup of half melted chocolate ice cream on the floor.

“Sara,” said Ann crouching down next to her.

“He dumped me,” Sara wailed. “I don’t understand…I just don’t understand.”

Ann reached over and helped Sara sit up. She rubbed soothing circles on her back.

“It will be alright, Sara,” said Ann. “It’s not the end of the world…”

“It’s awful,” said Sara. “It hurts so much worse than I thought it would.”

After a while, Ann helped Sara up and walked her to her dorm.

***

Sara awoke suddenly from a nightmare about a train running her over. The room was dark, her roommate asleep on the bottom bunk. When Sara had gotten back to the room, she had climbed straight into bed. Her roommate Erin had awkwardly offered her an Oreo. They had had a big fight over Eric several weeks ago. Erin had believed that Sara was getting too centered on the relationship and had yelled as much at Sara. Sara had left the room, frozen by the loud accusation. They’d barely been on speaking terms since.

Once dawn rolled around, Sara quickly gathered her things and left the room. She met Ann at the couches underneath the school chapel. They had been scheduled to study together there. They sat quietly for a while before tears started running down Sara’s face again. She should have been embarrassed, but she couldn’t muster up any feelings besides utter despair and a vague determination that she would finish out her sophomore year. Ann said her name.

“What,” asked Sara.

“Well,” said Ann. “I have a friend who went through a breakup a few months ago. It really helped her to delete his number from her phone.”

Sara clutched her phone close to herself and her eyes widened in panic.

“No no no,” she panted. “He said I could ask him questions, what if he changes his mind?”

Ann looked concerned.

“Have you been texting him?” she asked.

“Maybe.” said Sara, jumping up suddenly. “I have to go.”

***

Ann watched after Sara as she strode quickly away. She was so worried for her friend. She had noticed Sara’s significant weight loss over the past six months. The girl was barely eating, and their other friends had started noticing too. Ann just didn’t know what to do or how to reach Sara. She had never seen such an extreme reaction to a break up from anyone else.

***

April ended and blurred into May. The end of the semester was fast approaching. Melody looked up at the knock on her dorm room door. She stood up to open it and found Sara standing there.

“Hi,” Sara said. “Do you…do you think we could study in the basement together? I just really can’t go back to my room…”

Melody, like Ann, had also been mystified about the extremity of Sara’s reaction to the breakup. But then, Melody hadn’t ever had or wanted romantic relationships at all. Sara had become a dear friend throughout the nearly two years they’d known each other.

“Do you want a hug? Melody asked. Sara nodded mutely and they shared a brief embrace.

“I’ll get my stuff and we can go downstairs,” said Melody.

***

Sara sat on an arm chair that was squashed up against a similar one, which was currently occupied by Melody. Melody was quietly studying, a silent but steady and reassuring presence. Occasionally Sara studied, doing the bare minimum to maintain her B average grades. Sometimes she watched Netflix shows that Melody had recommended. Sometimes she curled up in the chair and cried. It meant a lot that Melody sat with her so often. Sara couldn’t see how she’d ever feel better, but having Melody around helped make the present slightly more barable. Sara was starting to think that something more was wrong with her than just the breakup.

***

The end of the school year came and went. Somehow, Sara got B or higher in all of her classes. It wasn’t good enough, but it was the best she could do. Melody and her dad helped Sara pack up her car; her parents couldn’t come pick her up this year, so she would have to do the 10-hour drive on her own. She convinced her parents to let her see a psychologist, and she was diagnosed with major depression. It was a relief, in some ways, to know that there was a reason for her extreme reaction. Her brain was just different. She would have to learn to live in this new present. She allowed Ann to convince her to delete his number from her phone. Melody kept regularly in touch. With her friends supporting her, Sara could see that she just might get through this.