Just James Freed

Just James Freed 

I knew James Freed from our Kindergarten days as the kid who loved clowning around with the boys in our class. He was a happy sort of kid who always had a goofy smile on his brown face, and I thought he was too childish. Can you imagine a five-year old saying something like that about another five-year old?

I used to watch him playing catch outside and wondered how vibrant his life was with how he always seemed to be sporting that same grin every time I saw him. Lily, who was my best friend in second grade, absolutely fell head over heels for this kid, along with the rest of them. I, Yasmine Collins, for the life of me couldn’t relate because I didn’t get how anyone could be as energetic and lively as James Freed. I should probably just call him James instead, but for some unknown reason, I couldn’t even bring myself to do that either. He was an anomaly. 

***

Right up until we went to the same high school together and James Freed moved back from Utah and into our Sophomore year, my fifteen-year old self saw him in a new light, and boy, I was speechless. It’s like I was about to be hit with a ton of bricks, yet all I could do was stand and let it happen. My palms started to sweat and my legs felt like jello that first time he looked at me. What was happening to me? I thought. This never happens, so why now? 

While I was too busy eyeing James Freed, I didn’t see the tree in front of me and walked right into it. Now, my butt was sore and my ego was probably bruised. I should probably dust myself off and make a run for it before I embarrass myself even more. As I tried to stand on my feet, I felt a warm hand over mine, helping me to stand. James Freed was helping me! Calm down, Yasmine. This is just James Freed, I thought. 

His dark brown eyes bore into my light ones, and his brow furrowed as his face scrunched up in concern. “Are you okay? I saw you took that nasty fall.” 

“I-thanks. Um, I’m okay. Thank you,” I said to him. 

Oh my goodness, talk normal, Yas! This is just James Freed.

If he noticed that I had thanked him twice, he never showed it.

“You’re welcome, Yasmine. I’ll see you in class,” he said. 

I nodded and watched him go. I guess James Freed was more than just an anomaly. No matter how many times I berated myself, I knew he wasn’t just James Freed. He was more than that. 

***

The Junior Homecoming was in three days and still haven’t found a date to go to the dance with. My best friends, Lilly and Olivia, already had dates, and I was the only one without one. Every girl was bringing somebody, even Erin, who claimed to be a nerd and said that boys were a waste of time had a boy from our grade ask her to Homecoming. Lilly and Olivia told me that they heard through the grapevine James Freed wasn’t taking anyone, so maybe I should ask him to go with me. I told them they were crazy. I’ll just have to go by myself. Independent woman right here. 

I walked over to the bleachers after running two laps around the field and chugged on my water bottle. It was noon and the sun was at its highest peak. You could definitely see heat waves come off the pavement, where P.E. teacher Mrs. Gwen stood with a whistle in her mouth and a timer to time the next group of kids running. Thank heavens I was done with that. I almost peed my pants on the second lap. 

After P.E. class, I changed into the girl’s locker room and walked back to get to my next class, which was History with Mr. Peters. I always sat in the front row right next to the window, but when I got there, I saw James Freed sitting in my seat. My seat. What the heck? He had his back facing the door, so he didn’t see me walk towards him with a glare on my face. If there was one thing that annoyed me even more than people thinking they’re the shiz was someone who took a seat that didn’t belong to them. I even etched my name into the desk to mark it as mine. 

“Hi, do you know where you’re supposed to sit?” I asked him. 

James Freed turned in my chair with a furrowed brow. “I’m sorry, what?”

“You’re in my seat,” I offered, as if he would get it the first time I said it. 

This time, he had the audacity to laugh at my face, and shook his head. “Well, I don’t see your name on it, do I?” He cocked his head to the side and gave me that look. But it wasn’t gonna work. I wasn’t going to succumb to him, or the fact that he’s a little cute when he looks that way. 

I saved my breath and pointed to my name, “Yasmine Collins,” visibly cut into the wood with a winning smile like that would win me this argument. His dark brown eyes moved to where my finger had landed and for the first time, a ghost of that same silly smile from Kindergarten appeared on his face and vanished as if nobody saw it was there, but I did. 

“You’re right. I am in your seat. Let me move, so you can have it back,” James Freed said, suddenly rising to his feet, and gesturing to let me sit before moving to the back where a seat was available. 

I was shocked. I can’t believe he actually said that and didn’t even fight for it. He could have and I think both of us knew he could have, but he decided not to. As Mr. Peters welcomed us again and introduced a lesson in the Qing Dynasty, my thoughts reverted back to James Freed. He wasn’t what I thought he was, and I think this was just the beginning of finding out who James Freed was. 

***

My big sister, Stella, helped me get ready for my first Junior Homecoming. I knew I was only a Sophomore, but my friends and I wanted to experience what it was like to go to one, so that when it was our turn next year, we knew what to expect. We were all getting dropped by either our parents or an older sibling, and luckily for me, I had Stella who was a Senior in high school driving me to the school, where they hosted the dance. She prepped me and gave me tips on what to do to not be a loner. 

“If you ever feel lonely at the dance, just stand up and go and get something to eat, so that when people see you, they’ll think you’re not. Oh, and if you see someone you talk to outside of class, besides your nerdy friends, go and sit next to them. Try and join the crowd, so that you don’t feel left out,” Stella said, as she looked at me through the dresser mirror. She combed my hair and sprayed it with one of her sweet smelling hair products she puts on her hair on special occasions. 

I was touched, but also a little offended that she called my friends nerdy. “Lilly and Olivia are not nerdy,” I told her with a glare to which she just waved her hand in the air as if what she said wasn’t mean. 

“Okay, I’m sorry, alright? Your friends are a little nerdy, how’s that?” she said. 

I rolled my eyes at her. “Gee, thanks, I feel so much better.” 

“Look, all kidding aside, I just want you to have fun and don’t let the thought of not having a date get you down. We, Collins’ women, never need a boy to have fun, remember that, okay?” 

My heart tightened. These were the rarest occasions where Stella would actually give good sisterly advice that made me realize she was looking out for me despite all the arguments and the fights we got into. I nodded because I didn’t trust myself enough to speak at that moment. 

By seven o’clock, the gym was packed with kids, teachers, and parents who volunteered to be chaperones. I was so relieved that Stella talked our mom out of chaperoning because I don’t think I would be free to move around the dance floor with her hovering over me the whole time. My mom took a hundred photos of me until Stella came to my rescue again, and escorted me right out of the door with the promise that she would pick me up right when the dance was over at nine. 

I was wearing a pink blush dress that my mom bought from a clearance sale at a shop in town with brown gladiator sandals. My mom wanted me to wear heels, but I wasn’t going to fall flat on my face at the dance because I didn’t know how to walk in them. Stella put my hair up in a French twist up-do that probably sounds more complicated than it looks, and she had these pretty pink hair clips she put in my hair to make me look like a fairy. She really outdid herself. 

Lilly was the first person I saw at the dance when I walked in, and she waved at me widely. I noticed that Olivia was nowhere to be found. Lilly was wearing a high and low green dress with 1-inch high heels that suited her. At least she could walk in them better than I could. She and her date, Eric Winters, came matching in green, and I gotta say they have never looked cuter together than right now. 

“Hey Eric, good to see you,” I said. 

Eric smiled. “You too. Hey, I’m gonna go and get some punch. Do you two want any?” 

Lilly nodded. “That would be great, please.” 

“Yes, thanks,” I told him and he disappeared into the crowd. 

I turned to Lilly in excitement and she gave me a grin. “Yes, you can say it. I know you want to.”

“Are you two together, or...?” I asked. 

“Yes, we are. We just started dating yesterday, but it’s still new, so please don’t make a big deal out of it,” Lilly said. 

I pursed my lips to stop myself from smiling. “Okay, I won’t. I promise.” 

“Good. Anyway, have you seen Olivia and her date?” 

I shook my head. “No, I haven’t."

“So, did you ask James to the dance?” she asked. 

“Nope, and I didn’t want to. I’m sure he’s bringing someone else. Speaking of James Freed, I haven’t seen him either,” I said, now looking around the gym. There was no sign of the tall boy with curly dark hair around. She could’ve sworn he would be here since his friends were all here. 

After a couple of dances I had with Lilly, I left her to her date and now boyfriend Eric. I didn’t want to have her dancing with me when she was here with him. I walked over to the table that had all the sweets and took a few brownies and gummy worms. Yes, a fantastic combination. 

I took the gummy worms two by two and just watched everybody else on the dance floor when Olivia dropped into the chair next to mine with a conspiratorial smile. She had the look of mischief in her eyes like she knew something that I wasn’t aware of. “Why are you smiling like that? You look creepy. And where were you?” 

“Eh, family problems, but that wouldn’t stop me from coming anyway,” Olivia said, shrugging. 

I knew little about what was happening in Olivia’s family. She only told me and Lilly enough for us to get the idea that things weren’t looking so bright for her at her home. We offered to help in any way, but she always said she was fine. Nothing to be worried about. 

“So, are you going to answer my first question, or am I supposed to be worried now?” I said. 

Olivia only shrugged. “I found out why James isn’t here.” 

“Wait, so he really wasn’t going to come to the dance?” 

Olivia shook her head. “Yep, he really hates things like this.”

This time, I was the one confused here and I gave her a questioning look. “What do you mean he hates things like this?” I asked. 

“Well, you didn’t hear it from me, but I heard from Willie who told Ashley and Ashley told all the girls in the bathroom that something happened to James that made him not want to come to the dance, but you know what I think? I think there’s more to the story than him simply deciding against coming,” Olivia said, leaning forward in her chair. 

“I even asked Eric why James wasn’t here, and he dodged my question by changing the subject,” she continued. 

Hmm, that was unlikely of James Freed to do something like that. He was usually the person who loved going to dances, social events, anything really to have fun. Was I right the first time then? I thought. He did seem different to me when I saw him after he moved away. 

“Anyway, I think he’s going to be at Mr. Sunny’s tonight, if you’re interested in going,” Olivia said. 

I gave her a double take. Did I hear her correctly, or was she implying we skipped the dance to go and see a boy who probably wanted to be alone. 

“No, let’s not. I feel like that’s an invasion of privacy, or else in this case, stalkerish, which we are not,” I said, giving her the look that said she was crazy. 

She gave a dismissive wave of her hand. “Okay, okay, we won’t go.” 

***

On Monday morning I saw James Freed sitting by himself under a tree near the track and it was lunch time. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him by himself without his posse. He had his head down and his nose hidden in a book. I didn’t even know he liked reading, either. 

I walked right over to him and he glanced up to turn the page when he noticed me coming. He smiled and patted the ground next to him in a gesture to sit. I sat down and put my knees up to my chest with my arms wrapped around them in a huff. 

“Are you okay?” he asked. 

“Oh, yeah, I am. Thanks,” I said. “What are you doing?” 

He tapped his book twice with a smile. 

“Ahh, right, right. I didn’t know you read.” 

He turned to me with a funny look. “Oh, right, because I’m a jock and we don’t read to feed our intellectual minds.” 

Okay, I don’t know whether to be insulted that he threw a sarcastic joke my way, or laugh because that was hilarious. 

I went with the latter and shook my head. “No, it’s not that. It just caught me by surprise. I’m sorry.” 

“It’s fine. Don’t worry about it,” he said, putting his book down. “You know, you’re not the first person to think that about me.” 

Okay, now I feel bad. I never think first before I say something. 

A gust of wind rustled the leaves of the tree and he leaned forward with a look of wonder on why I was here. I don’t why I was, but I felt drawn somehow to this boy. He was a mystery and I don’t think he realized the inner storm raging inside of me to fight off the urge to discover the many layers of who he was. 

Instead of asking him why he didn’t come to the dance last Friday night like I was supposed to, I asked him if he was always sitting out here under this tree to read, and he said he did. He responded that he has been out here every day after baseball practice, but today, he just wanted to be alone during lunch time.

I followed it up with another question. “Do you like being alone more than being with your friends?” 

“Am I a bad person if I said yes to that?” he said. 

“No, I don’t think so. You have every right to feel however you want to feel.” 

He nodded and opened his book again as if this was a sign it was time for me to leave, so he can be in his own personal bubble I was clearly invading. I stood up and dusted my jeans. “I guess I’ll see you in class.” 

“Hey, Yasmine,” he called when I was a few feet away from him. 

I glanced back. “Yeah?”

“Thanks for keeping me company,” he said. 

“Even though you didn’t ask for it?” I just had to say.

That goofy smile came back and he let it stay there for a while. He was not just James Freed anymore, although I still feel like he’s less of a mystery now that I know this little bit about him. He grew out of the stage of being a kid and was in some ways, in a different perspective, appeared a man who was wise beyond his years, but every time he grinned, it was like he was letting me into his world and I don’t think I’ll ever find a boy like him.