The In Between

I see everyone but no one sees me. Alone in the dark is little old me. I want to be heard; I want to be seen. I try, and I try but do not succeed. I cry out to everyone passing by, but they do not even bat an eye. Why is no one paying attention to me when all I want is some company. I do not ask for much you see, give me just a few minutes to share my misery. I miss my life, my family and friends, it never seems to end.

 I visit them often and try to touch them but pass right through. I cannot feel them, and they cannot feel me. I miss the warm touch of them all. I miss the laughter and jokes we used to share. When I want them to notice me, I take their things and move them around, but no one notices not even a sound. They do not notice at all; I wish I could call and have one last conversation. I know they feel the same, I can hear their pain. There is nothing I can do but listen to them cry. I too want to cry but I cannot, I cannot do anything to fix this mess. I cannot remember how I got here, it all happened so fast. All of the sudden my life was gone in a flash. The memories all came flooding back. The good and the bad of my past.

 I scream and I yell but there is no one to tell. I am so lonely here by myself. Where am I? What is this place? Let me out, let me in, I do not care I am stuck in this in between space. The in between is what I call it. I am in between the real world and whatever is next. I am scared for what is after, I do not want to find out. What if it is scary and there is no one there for me? What if there is nothing at all? You hear all of the stories, but you do not know until you are me, here in this place with nowhere to turn back.

There are so many things I wish I could go back and change. I was not the best person; I made some mistakes. Some are worse than others but nothing too strange. I took things for granted. The people closest to me it affected. I want to go back and make things right, but now it is too late. I just hope I am not someone they hate. I want to say I am sorry again and again. I just want them to know how differently I see things now. I wish I changed for the people who truly mattered. Maybe I deserve this place of nothing but void. Will they ever forgive me for the things I did? I was selfish and lame, I have no one else to blame but myself and my actions. I feel so much guilt and shame. I lied and mistreated others to get what I wanted. I did not feel bad in those moments until now looking back. I do not know what is waiting for me on the other side of this place. Whether it is bad or good I am afraid. For everything I have done I must pay my dues. My destiny awaits as I pass through. 

You hear of heaven and hell but where I will end up, I could not tell. I see things in here, in the in between that see me back, some are okay, but some are wack. We are the things behind the veil between earth, heaven and hell. There are good and bad spirits all around none that I know or want to at that. Some are like me wanting to go back. Wanting to redo the things we did wrong. Others are chaotic and like to cause harm. They cause ruckus and mayhem on those who live. They are angry, vengeful and full of spite. They peak through now and then. They can be threatening and cause a big fright. These are the damned who made it to the in between who are trying and learning to pry open the veil between mixing the world and the in between, wanting a taste of the lives they see. I never believed in something so dark but here they run ramped in this place unmarked. I am scared to go to a place unknown, but I hope, and I pray to make it out of the dark.

 If I plead my guilt and wrong doings will that matter? I think back and forth on what to do, it’s driving me crazy not knowing how to move. I feel stuck in this rut and just want to get out. I give up, I am so tired of this game. I move on to the afterlife without being the same. I am scared of what is next and think of what was before I guess I will not know until I walk through that door.

What if there is nothing to see, what if this is it for me. So many things running through my mind you see. As I start my walk to this door to decide my fate, I feel like I’m being looked at as bait. It is like a dark alley late at night that you look all around but there is nothing in sight. I keep going feeling uncertain about what could be behind the curtain. Here it comes I got here so fast. Knowing after this I will forget my life and it's past. Everything and everyone I once knew will be gone. Here I am walking up the steps almost to the door. A tip and tap up each step, I can hear the echo in this big empty abyss. I go slowly to reminisce one last time before I enter the unknown. The door is wooden and tall. I wish there were glass to see what is behind, I feel so blind. The doorknob is golden and shiny just waiting for me to touch it.

 As I slowly open the door, I know that I am no more.