Garden of Ecstasy

Dedicated to Mental Health Day.

Warning: Mental health, suicide. (Notice that you are matter in this world)

Rosie Harrington stared at the ceiling for about 40 minutes now, enjoying herself looking at the bright sky that was filled with clouds and aeroplanes passing by. 

Life isn’t just about her, right? Her mind said inside her head. 

But why does it feel like she wanted to leave this world, far far away from this home? She felt lost inside, feeling as if she isn’t worth it anymore. She knew the world is filled with thousands of colours, but why does it feel like her world was the only one who’s colourless? She felt her energy wasn't there anymore.

She’s been thinking lately that she isn’t herself anymore, her smile faded, her happiness is not the same anymore, and everyone around her did notice. 

She lost all of her friends, she knew she distanced herself because she felt different around them. Rosie used to be a social butterfly person, but now she became cold and mature, which made all of her friends think she was losing her mind and decided to cut off their friendships together, hurting the wound inside her heart deeply. Those unsupported bitches were also the main problem for Rosie. Rosie cried once, however, she decided to stand up all by herself and told herself that this kind of pain will be passed. 

Her sunshine had gone through the storm inside her heart, her mind had been mixed into two seasons between the light and the dark. She thought the dark side had been walking and sitting into her own mind, her light had fully gone. 

Is this the real me that I’m facing? Her mind continuously said.

Through these hard times, she’d been thinking, “Did I just find my true self?”

She always wanted to be alone these days, it’s relaxing for her. She doesn’t like the crowds anymore. Rosie put her palms on her face, crying shamelessly all by herself in this lonely bedroom.

What happened to me?

Are you hiding along the storms?

She also had been thinking that maybe she should love herself, but it’s difficult–probably because her inner darkness had come through. She’s depressed because her mind is not smarter like the others, she’s hurt because her body isn’t beautiful in her own eyes. “I’m useless,” she said to herself. 

Everytime people tried to talk to her, she became silent. Although she wanted to be the social butterfly person again, she loved the new her too. 

She’s afraid of herself, the more she thought about it, the more she knew where the old her was hiding. The old her is hiding behind the storm. 

Rosie's daydream snapped her back into reality when she heard her parents bickering again outside her bedroom, she squinted her eyes tightly, trying to escape this hell that’s making her inside screaming in pain. Her parents were always bickering something nonsense, she knew her father cheated on her mother and always leave home, even her mother knew about it either. But her mother never leave her husband, making Rosie all mystified. She thought her life was becoming insane, all she knew is that she needed to leave this home and create a new life, but she couldn't.

Thus, all of her darkness led her to take drugs. She saw from all those movies she watched that drugs will led her into the ecstasy that she desired from all of these dark things around her.

Rosie noticed all of her doings are absolutely illegal and she noticed all of the consequences if she continued to do these kinds of things. 

Rosie stood up from the bed, taking the little jar full of colourful pills as she took three of them. Her mind immediately dizzy, closing her eyes into the place of utopia inside her head. Every time she ate all of those illegal pills, she felt as if she’s in heaven, the heaven she called it as: Garden of Ecstasy.

Rosie opened her eyes to see a beautiful river with thousands of flowers around, rabbits and deers were walking merrily around the garden. The smell of the garden wasn't strange for Rosie, it smells heavenly, like the mix of wildflowers and green grass after the rain. Rosie giggled happily, and couldn't wait to join her friends around the garden. Her bare foots walked around the green grass, pink and green trees were dancing, rainbows spotted in the orange sky. She talked to the animals, running around like a child that's losing her inner child. She loved her friends here, fuck all those friends at her school who didn't give a shit about her.

She stared at the mysterious little girl behind the tree, smiling at her before Rosie got closer to her. "Do I know you?" Rosie asked the girl she never see in this garden, the little girl only stared at her.

"Are you lost, like me?" Rosie asked again, the little girl nodded and took her hand, leading them both furthermore in the garden. Rosie's eyes widen when she saw her garden become more colorful, lots of children are playing and running around, making her heart beaten in happiness. Rosie smiled dearly to the children, still sticking her hand with the little girl's petite hand.

"Come play with us," The little girl begged.

Rosie immediately nodded and play with them, she needed to escape from reality, thus she danced and sang around.

Rosie took her happy time here, closing her eyes deeply with a smile on her face while her foots inside the river.

She opened her eyes to stare at the fresh blue water, fishes were swimming inside until she saw a small hole inside the river. Rosie began to dig inside the water, she swam inside the river that’s beautifully covered with various fishes, trying to reach the small hole until she reached the shallow and lost her breath. 

This is what she desired, an ecstasy. 

3 hours later her parents found Rosie dead by drowning herself in the bathtub.