Romantic_56837

Today is the day! You have the reminder on your calendar. The day when you finally get to meet Romantic_56837. You met online, learning about each other’s hopes and dreams, personalities, and you really can’t see yourself spending your life with anyone but Romantic_56837. Yes, it may be too early to think this way, but haven’t all your married friends said that you know when you’ve met the person you are meant to be with?

You decided when making this date that you would go all out. It feels like your last good shot at love, so a good first-impression IRL is important. You have an appointment with your favorite stylist for a fresh haircut this morning. And on the way home you find a new pair of sunglasses that frame your face perfectly. You pull out your favorite outfit - the one that has the right color for your complexion; the one that makes you feel like you can achieve and have anything when wearing it. You even iron said outfit - oh how mom would be so proud! 

With about an hour to go, you hop into the shower, playing your favorite playlist to hype yourself up. Apologies to anyone who may hear you sing. The front audience of the shower shelf seem to be fans, especially that shower gel bottle that won’t stay in its place; such a groupie. 

When you get out of the shower, you take a look at yourself in the mirror. Fate is on your side; not a single blemish. Even your bags seem to have gone away. With a sigh you imagine the events of the date - a walk, a picnic - could anything be more romantic? A quick glance out the window reveals you could not have asked for a more perfect day. It was a good thing you bought those new sunglasses. 

Back in your room you put on your clothes; a perfect fit. You admire yourself in the mirror and smile, feeling unstoppable. Romantic_56837 will find you even more attractive than the fuzzy video calls you have taken. 

Before departing for the date, you grab your contributions to the picnic: wine of a slightly pricey vintage, an assortment of the best cheeses you have ever tasted, and a baguette. Romanitic_56837 is bringing the cookies, fruit, and salami. 

Now you’re off. You feel your heart begin to race and your palms begin to sweat. Do you remember when you felt this very way when you had first met Romantic_56837? Yeah, you do. With a nervous laugh, you release your unwanted jitters, but a few negative thoughts remain. What if Romantic_56837 isn’t who you expected? Or worse, what if Romantic_56837 does not accept you for you you are - the deeply flawed, imperfect individual that you are. Did you brush your teeth? 

That last thought makes you freeze. You had not brushed your teeth, but a quick detour to a convenience store remedies that. You pop a few breath mints in your mouth and keep walking. The burning sensation and crunch of the mints clears all the negative thoughts away. A quick time check reveals that no matter what, you will be on time with ten minutes to spare. 

You reach the park early and have a look around. A group of joggers pass by on the path one way, while cyclists ride by in the opposite direction. Dog owners converse while their dogs size each other up. 

“Hey, you.”

You turn around at the voice. You recognize that voice. You instantly smile at the sight of Romantic_56837. Stepping forward, you both go for a simple embrace, managing as best as you can with the picnic things you are carrying. 

You walk together along the path and then on to a grassy knoll where you find the perfect spot beneath a shady tree. You have this corner of the park all to yourself. Together you spread out the blanket and reveal what you have brought and quickly fall into small talk. You learn that Romantic_56837 had a busy week, making you more glad that there was time to still meet today rather than cancel. You swap stories, share in laughs, and deep in your heart you feel a warmth of happiness. A silence falls over you, and you feel a sudden urgency to touch Romantic_56837. Your fingers brush against each other as you both reach for a cookie. You redden like you did in middle school, like that time you were around your first crush. 

Romantic_56837 suggests going for a walk. Together you step onto the sunny path, dangling your arms by your side. You fail to hear what Romantic_56837 is saying because you cannot decide if now a is a good time to hold hands. You finally decide against it, and the conversation falls to talking about the surroundings instead. As the sun begins to set, you return to your picnic things and clean up. You had a great time and want more of it with Romantic_56837, but you only voice the former half of your feelings. Romantic_56837 expresses the same. You lean in for a hug and then go your separate ways. Despite the pleasant conversation, you feel an empty sensation; your gut is not settled as you had hoped. 

A wave of thoughts pours over your - all negative and bleak. What if Romantic_56837 did not really have a good time? What if there will be no second date? You check your phone out of insecurity. Now was the game of texting after a date. When was too soon to check in? What amount of time defined too eager? What defined disinterest?

Romantic_56837 is the first to breach the text barrier, stating how nice of a date the picnic and walk was. You both agree that you should do something again soon, but the question is when? It turns out your schedules do not align for the next few weeks. You resort to text messages, asking about each other’s day and exchanging music. 

As the weeks drag on, response times grow longer. You feel more in a relationship with your phone than with Romantic_56837. Then…

You lie in bed, deep in thought. You and Romantic_56837 were both in your thirties. If the relationship was not going anywhere, couldn’t that have been said? You reflect back on everything you did, everything you said, but you cannot pinpoint where things went wrong. You reach for your phone, but remember you deactivated your account. With a click of a button, your profile is up and running again, but you see no one you desire to reach out to. You ask yourself what is the point? Why even bother if you are just going to get ghosted? You delete the dating apps, drop your phone, and try to sleep. Tomorrow is a work day anyway.