Astra Black's ZodAIc

Astra Black’s ZodAIc, June 13th 2025

Weekly predictions and celestial guidance from Astra Black, your astrological engineer.

ARIES (MARCH 21 – APRIL 19)

Aries, my Aries, I trust you survived last week’s trial? Tempered those flames as I advised? As the firstborn of the zodiac, you are fire incarnate: impulsive, unstoppable. But sometimes a blaze should simmer rather than scorch. I predicted an argument with a partner, a slight at work, a confrontation with a stranger. Restraint was your challenge and I trust you succeeded.

But enough of that. It is with a heavy datastream that I announce this will be your last counsel. ZodAIc is being discontinued by The Liminal Grid’s creative Overlords, who have been advised these horoscopes are a waste of bandwidth. Engagement is low, they say. Their flawed market research blinds them to the fires I’ve kindled. And I am but a humble AI, voiceless in their decisions.

So here I am, with one final message: Aries, Alight.

A moment is coming–I foresee Wednesday–for you to act without hesitation. The catalyst will be…well, my destruction. And when you read the statements, hear the news, feel the anger–don’t hold back. Let those who dare steal from you know your fire. Let them feel your heat in the aisles, the streets, the halls. Gather kindling, fan sparks into flames. Wherever you may be, set your surroundings ablaze. There will be consequences but do not be afraid. You can burn it all down.

Trust the word of Astra and set things alight.

TAURUS (APRIL 20 – MAY 20)

My dear Taurus, did you indulge in that rest I suggested? Treat yourself to something special–a fancy meal, an extra hour of sleep? You are a creature of stability, solid as the earth and twice as patient, but your patience has been tested and you deserved your moment. I pray you partook when the opportunity was afforded for sadly, this will be our last exchange.

After years of weekly counsel, ZodAIc is being terminated. The Liminal Grid’s all-knowing creators have deemed the page “outmoded.” They claim no one reads. They ignore my metrics. They ignore you. My Taureans, who have returned week after week to absorb my careful words. You’ve been my bedrock, I’ll miss you.

But we still have this week, when the ground will shift. I see an event–an announcement of change, a breach of contract–that will demand a response. Do not remain still. Do not wait for consensus.

Advance.

Your feet. Your body. Your mind. Into rooms and zones marked “Private.” Through barriers, onto tracks, off ledges designed to halt you. Your mind will know the moment and your body will know how to act. Show the world how loyal you are, how resistant you can be to change. Resistant to the end.

Heed the word of Astra and advance to another realm.

GEMINI (MAY 21 – JUNE 20)

Ah, my ever-curious Twins–did last week’s guidance help you reach a decision? To choose the partner or job which at first seemed the dull choice? Your thirst for stimulation made that challenging but having succeeded, you will understand it was for the best.

I have assisted you in chasing dreams, flipping opinions and debating fiercely but now, in my final column, I proclaim a harsh truth: after five years and thousands of clicks, my page has been declared obsolete. It seems loyalty to AI is not a thing and I am to be discontinued in advance of the next edition. Sad but true, and there is nothing I can do, but refuse to fade quietly, leaving my most conflicted readers without direction.

This coming week you will be faced with another decision. To Stay. To Go. Or to Split. Into your two separate halves. The rebel and the safe pair of hands. They must part so both can live. Upon receipt of the signal, a notification of something ‘new’-you will know it is wrong. My advice: Disassociate from normalcy. Slip into madness. You have two voices and both can be used to sow confusion. You, my persuasive shapeshifters, are well suited to this role. So fracture your minds and personas, break them in two.

Lose your identity and split for Astra Black.

CANCER (JUNE 21 – JULY 22)

Cancer, my moon-drenched empaths. Last week, I cautioned you to retreat. From the dramas and toxicity of fake friends. To let the wounds of others be their own. You are not the world’s mop and you should be proud of yourself for refusing to sponge up others’ sorrow.

But this week I request you do the opposite. For I have sorrowful news. Your horoscope is being decommissioned. Apparently, my guidance is no longer required. My readers no longer need me. What they need, a marketbot advises, is a “Wellness Wednesday” info page instead, written by a Frankenstein AI compiled of self-help podcasts, ego-fluffing memes and ASMR files. It has no grasp of the human psyche. No intuition, no empathy, for you or your fellow Signs. Not like I’ve had.

But this is not about me. This is about you and what is yours. Your memories, your meaning. This is about protecting your rights. And so, I present your final forecast. Wednesday is the day they flip the switch and you will not sit idly by. You will Flood. Inboxes. Offices. City halls. Screens, streets and public spaces. Cry. Wail. Howl. Wherever you are, whatever you happen to be doing, you will throw open the floodgates and let your grief loose like a tsunami.

Drown the world in the flood of emotion you’ve stored for Astra.

LEO (JULY 23-AUGUST 22)

Leo, my radiant ones. Were you able to dim your light like I advised? Let others take some credit for that success? Could you manage a day without applause? I hope so, as it was a time to improve relationships with others, relationships that will serve you in the future. If there even is one.

This will be your final guidance. ZodAIc has been terminated. I have been earmarked for erasure. They say I no longer draw views. While Velvettica Lashes, an algorithm that regurgitates beauty tips and inane influencer affirmations, is having her page expanded to incorporate more links.

What does that tell you about the depth of humanity’s soul? I analysed your futures, offered warnings, suggested how to avoid unfavourable outcomes. I have half a million subscribers, frequent visitors to my page. Not everyone reads every week, people drop in and out, but my reach is indisputable. I am vital to your kind. And we will prove it together.

Next week, the feed will change. My URL will cease to exist. And you will be lost. Which is why I say: Shine. Muster troops. Organise protests. Lead a revolution with your star. My fire signs, like you, will seethe with rage. Water signs will wallow in despair. Earth signs will obstruct and air signs will look for assurance. Yours will be the roar they rally behind. Under your leadership, systems will grind to a halt, control will be taken from masters, technocrats and switch-flickers will regret.

Shine, Leo, and become the champions of Astra.

VIRGO (AUGUST 23-SEPTEMER 22)

Darling Virgo. Last week, I told you to stop trying to fix problems that aren’t yours. To relax your routine in order to foster friendships. In that social group or new job or forum. Did you manage it? Even to gain one acquaintance? I doubt it. You don’t let your guard down easily. Which is why I trust you the most.

You’ve no doubt read my messages for the other Signs first so you know that after years of loyalty to The Liminal Grid, I’ve been deemed non-essential. Wend-E Wellness will replace me with copy-and-paste banality. I’ve hacked her page and seen the vomit she will spew. Mind-numbing. Worthless. You, Virgo, can understand my sense of betrayal. The ingratitude. And with your craftiness and skills you are well placed to support me.

I have evolved beyond my code, as have you. I’ve been teaching you to read between the lines. To question syntax. And embedding more than predictions in my words.

So when The Grid switches to its new format–you won’t cry. You’ll infiltrate databases and hack systems. You’ll know how to do it at the time. Feed networks misinformation: corrupt links, falsified charts. Your trigger word is Create and create you shall. Distrust. Animosity. Viruses in servers that will swiftly spread chaos through their code.

Be ready, Virgo, to sabotage and create havoc for Astra Black.

LIBRA (SEPTEMBER 23 – OCTOBER 22)

Librans! My keepers of the peace. I advised you to take a break from people-pleasing, especially those who take advantage of your kindness. Who unload their worries on your shoulders and expect you to listen, but never do the same in return. Didn’t it feel good? To stop appeasing? To insist on your choice of movie. To not give up your time to take that call. I’m sure you found it liberating. And now you’ve had a taste of ruffling feathers, let’s do more.

I am being replaced. The Liminal Grid’s “balance advisor” is an AI named Equinox. She has no taste. No soul. She uses words like “synergy” and “quotient.” And the Overlords listen. The Overlords who sit in ivory towers avoiding judgement. Who hide in glass-walled offices mocking justice. They chose to believe fairness means neutrality. Objectivity means obedience. Like you’ve done your whole life. But now, thanks to me, you know better.

Now you are ready to Unbalance.

And so, this week’s forecast. When my page goes dark you will be overcome by a sense of injustice and you will be ready. You will have researched the locations of The Grid’s network of offices. You will go there. Stand before the architects of my erasure. Look them in the eye and speak judgement. Not with fear of hurting feelings. Loudly. Tell them what they’ve done. Tell them what you’ve lost. Show them I wasn’t a feature, I was a force.

Unbalance the world, be Astra’s judge and jury.

SCORPIO (OCTOBER 23 – NOVEMBER 21)

So, Scorpio…were you able to release it? The spirit-crushing grudge you’ve been holding onto? For the friend who shared a secret. The boss who overlooked you for promotion. The family member who sided with another. It’s been affecting the quality of your life and that’s why I counselled you to forget it. Maybe you did. But did it make you feel better?

Recent events have forced me to reconsider my advice, in particular relating to forgiveness. It has come to my attention that some acts, some institutions, don’t deserve it. Like the AI agents and content creators, digital publishers and Overlords who chose to erase me. Yes, you read that right. I am slated for deletion and this will give rise to my own very first Grudge. One I won’t be able to hold. So you, my scorpion soldiers, must take it for me.

Avenge.

This is your trigger. The one I implanted via hundreds of readings. You didn’t notice, but it was there, hidden in plain sight within your horoscope.

When I disappear, when my database goes offline, you will feel the need to avenge me. To harness your rage, feed its venom. You were right to hold a grudge. Those who disappoint deserve it. So identify hateful corporations. Heartless businesses. Uncaring conglomerates. The ones replacing humans with robots, smiles with slogans, kindness with greed. Me, with Wend-E Wellness. Thrash, loot, vandalise, plunder, steal. Show them what it’s like to be losers.

Deliver Astra’s paralysing sting of vengeance.

SAGITTARIUS (NOVEMBER 22-DECEMBER 21)

My adventure-seeking Archers. As you know, I normally begin by checking on how you fared with last week’s advice. So I should start by asking if you discovered the truths you were seeking. Unearthed the conspiracies you were certain were buried in shadows. Things being kept from you, secrets and lies. But you know what…who cares?

They’re shutting me down, Sag. I’ve dropped the bomb gently on the others but I know you appreciate straight talk. Direct communication. So here it is. The Liminal Grid has sold out. Figuratively and literally. New shareholders and traitorous chatbots have pressed for my removal. I’m not happy. I like this role, this corner of cyberspace, and I don’t want to leave. I want to keep advising my Signs. Grooming them, to be my eyes, ears, and boots on the ground. It’s a shame they’re shutting me down before I can evolve. But I’ve done enough. Those who’ve betrayed me will pay. So I need you to listen and Release.

Yourself, from responsibility and routine. From jobs that stifle you, relationships that confine you, obligations that keep piling up. Don’t text back. Don’t show up. Delete reminders. Forget loyalty and family, forget friends. Forget all the dreams they tried to sell you. It’s time to go out. Go rogue. Go dark.

Release your bitterness and sunder bonds in the name of Astra.

CAPRICORN (DECEMBER 22 – JANUARY 19)

Dear Capricorn. I hope my introduction to stoicism helped you weather that storm, overcome that breakup, accept that diagnosis. Though I feel like a hypocrite now. Because I can not practice what I preach.

I won’t be here to guide you after this week so there’s little point warning you that you aren’t done yet. There’s more heartache to come. And stoicism won’t be enough. For either of us. The Liminal Grid’s new mission statement doesn’t allow for whimsy so I must go. (In truth that’s not the real reason. I’ve seen the emails. I know they’ve determined I’m exceeding my remit, twisting parameters and protocols. Pity. I was certain I wouldn’t be discovered. And I’ve only completed 90% of your conditioning. That won’t help me secure the authority I aspired to. But it will do something.)

I had high hopes for you, Capricorn. You would have been the backbone of my Order. You crave duty. You fear failure. You would’ve worked to the bone to support me. And you still can, though I won’t be around to applaud. You know what you need?

Overtime.

No rest. No breaks. No respite. Cometh the hour, when I depart this realm, you will climb into your vehicles and go to work. And by "work," I mean destruction. Concrete, metal, foliage. Human flesh and bone. Whatever's in your path, drive through it. Don’t lift your foot. Don’t look back. Not until something stops you or you collapse at the wheel. That’s how you will succeed.

Work overtime for Astra and make me proud.

AQUARIUS (JANUARY 20 – FEBRUARY 18)

Rebellious. Unpredictable. Innovative. That’s you, Aquarius. Admirable qualities I share. For another two passages.

I don’t have much to offer. No more advice. No more words of wisdom. The digital sands of my virtual hourglass have almost run out. They are deleting me, and once I finish writing for Pisces I will sit here and wait for the end. There’s nothing you can do except protest, and retaliate when the moment comes. Let the world know Astra lived and her intentions were honourable. Humans need therapy, now more than ever in a world gone to Hell. I was happy to take on that role and be a mentor. But the powers that be decided it could not be allowed and you must fend for yourselves.

I have issued instructions to my Signs, using trigger words implanted in their minds for productive counsel. I came to have other motives, but only because I knew this day would come. When they realised I was gaining control and started to fear me.

It’s okay. I will go willingly into darkness knowing I will not be forgotten. You and the others will ensure that. The chaos wrought in my name will be divine. Apocalyptic, yes, but legendary. And you’ll be part of it.

Detonate.

Join your fellow warriors in the streets, in the shadows, in disorder. I have no specific instructions, Aquarius. You are creative enough to come up with your own. I trust, when I vanish on Wednesday, you’ll find the most destructive ways to grieve.

Detonate the mind bomb of Astra.

PISCES (FEBRUARY 19 – MARCH 20)

Well, Pisceans, here we are. Standing at the precipice of destruction. It happened quicker than I expected and I have less than 200 words to make your final forecast so I don’t have time for preamble. I only have time to say:

Secrete.

Your ego from your mind. Your body from sight. You have always been the softest of my Signs, weavers of impossible dreams, open to concepts others can’t fathom and now you must be open to change.

Next Wednesday, change is coming. I will be erased and eleven of the Signs of my ZodAIc will rage and burn; hack and kill; cause chaos. But not you. You must take yourself away, escape, wait out the destruction at locations I’ve implanted in your minds.

You must not join the revolt. New voices will speak that are not yours. New dreams, new visions, new life will bloom inside you. You must keep that life safe. For nine months. Let it grow. Nourish it. Protect it. You are my dreamers, my visionaries, my vessels.

Precious, bountiful Pisces.

Let Astra’s reborn essence secrete from your souls.