GO

They said I was chosen for a reason. That’s how they always said it. “Chosen” As if I were not only a prized possession, but the prized possession. That’s the thing about Frank and Janice Stanley, they sure knew how to make a girl feel special. They never said they adopted me, they always said they chose me. 

They both loved me, but I was Frank’s little girl. Everyone knew it. He had the best smell. He smelled like fresh cut grass and a cologne I never actually caught the name of. To me, that smell was the smell of home. 

We lived in this huge house. I mean massive. They said that’s why they wanted me so badly. There was just too much space for the two of them. It’s not like I took up that much space, but I did love to roam and explore the house. They said it was like I was breathing life back into it. It was an old family house. It had been in the family for generations. Frank inherited the house. Or maybe it was Janice. I’ve either forgotten or never cared enough to remember. All I knew is that for the first time in a long time, I belonged. 

The house was big and lovely, but a little run down. Janice was always working on this or fixing up that, but it never seemed to make a difference. Almost as if the house itself had already decided it belonged in the past. That always felt like my mission, to keep the house in the present with us. 

I guess the trouble really started when I turned sixteen. Janice started looking at me with this certain look. Love, yes, but now it was mixed with some sort of guilt or pity. The way you would look at the one eyed dog you take home from the pound. You love it fiercely, but you never quite stop feeling sorry for it. That’s how she looked at me now. Like I was defective. Frank went the opposite direction. He seemed to be evermore attentive. He was always asking me about my day, my friends, my hobbies. If I could have written down every minute of every day, he would have gobbled it up at the end of each day. 

That’s how we made it from one day to the next. I had one parent who could barely look at me and one who wouldn’t take their eyes off of me. 

One night, I overheard them in the kitchen. They had invited their friend’s over, Ryan and Esther. They were around so much it was like having an extra set of parents. I use to laugh to myself and think about how luck I was to have four parents. Four people who loved me. 

I knew something was off. It had been for a while. So, I acted like I was leaving, then suck back in to hide in my favorite hiding place so I could hear what they were talking about. 

Frank said, “It’s the whole reason we’re here. You can’t back at now.” 

“This isn’t how I thought it would be. She’s not a thing. She’s a person. She has rights!” Ryan responded. 

“That’s the whole fucking point. She is a person! We’ve been waiting months for this opportunity. She’s the reason for everything we do.” Frank shouts back exasperated that he has to explain something so obvious. 

Ryan runs his hands through his hair like he’s coming to terms with something. 

“Why can’t you do it?” Ryan asks. 

“You know why…I don’t want her to…” but before Frank can finish, Janice clears her throat cutting him off. I see her nod her head in my direction. Then they all turn to look up at me. 

So much for my favorite hiding spot. 

The second I lock eyes with Ryan, I take off. There’s something there, something that scares me. I hear a loud “SHIT!” As I get as far away from them as possible. 

They’ve been looking for me for hours. I can hear them running through the halls trying to find me. Looking in the closets, under the beds. They don’t know how much I heard, and they don’t like that. I should have been hiding from the beginning. It sounds like I missed the most important parts. I don’t know where the women are. I can only hear the men rustling through the house. I’m feeling satisfied in my ability to thwart them when I feel a hand grasp my ankle firmly and pull. 

“No, please.” I cry. 

It’s Frank. “Baby girl, we just want to talk.” He coos. 

Not a chance. I take off running as fast as I can. The house isn’t safe anymore. I need to get out. 

“Aspen get back here right now!” Frank yells. But I’m not stopping. I hear him calling for Frank telling him that I’m headed to the front door. It certainly doesn’t feel like they just want to talk. I can hear them make a desperate shuffle to cut me off, but Frank was wrong, I’m not headed to the front door. 

I’m headed out the window. 

I climb down the tree like I have a million times before and hit the ground softly. My victory is short lived because Janice and Esther are waiting for me. 

“No. Please.” I try to run, but they grab me and cover my mouth. 

“We are not going to hurt you, but we do need to hide you. So please be quiet so we can get you out of here.” Janice sternly whispers into my ear. 

I have no idea what’s going on or who to trust, but I don’t exactly have an option. I turn to look at Janice and there it is. THAT look she gives me. Is this, whatever this is, what it’s been about the whole time? She knew they were planning something. Why didn’t she save me before? I’ve never considered either of these women the submissive type. 

I don’t have much time before they’re shoving me into Esther’s car. 

“Go tell the men that she took off down the street and I’m trying to catch her.” She says to Janice. Janice nods, then gives me one last look before shutting the door.

The next thing I know, we’re in Esther’s kitchen. Time feels like it’s moving in blocks. Nothing is linear. There is no stream, it’s just chunks of time that seem to be out of order. 

Janice and Esther are sitting together in front of the table. I’m at the chair behind it. Their heads are huddled close together, but no one is speaking. 

Then Esther take a deep breath and says “Ryan is out looking for her still, but he’ll come home soon.” 

Janice nods. 

I sit up ready to say something. I feel like I haven’t spoken for hours. “Why are your husbands trying to kill me?” 

They both look up at me surprised, like they had both forgotten I was here. 

Then Janice drops her head into hands and start to sob. Esther wraps her arms around Janice’s squeezed her tightly, then says “Go. Take her and just go.” Janice squeezes her back, her back straightening with either a decision or resignation. Then she stands. I stand too. I want to help Janice. I want to make this less painful for her, but I don’t know how. Then Esther stands as well. For the first time, she really looks at me. She comes over and wraps me in a tug so tinder, I want to cry. She says “No matter what happens, remember that you are loved dearly.” Then she lets me go. 

Janice is by the door. “Let’s go.” She says. 

“Go where?” I ask. 

“I’ll tell you on the way. She answered. 

She bought me a bus ticket. She said it would be the hardest to track. She wrote down all of her numbers and told me to call when I got to where I was going. I’m sitting on the bus. She’s standing out side my window. Someone from the front says something, and the doors shut. And just like that, I’m safe. I turn to her, give her a brave smile, but that’s when I smell it. That’s when I smell him. My eyes lock with hers, tears streaming down both of our faces. “WHY?” I yell at her. “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. I love you. It’s the only way…” she yells after me as the bus begins to pull out. 

Frank sits down besides me. 

He says, “It’s just twenty eight days, Aspen.”