They Think I’m the Bad Guy

"The family will be there at 10:30." Helen continues brushing Emily's hair with rhythmic efficiency. Emily’s whimpers of pain steadily grow less subtle with each clinical brush stroke. "Emily has her appointment with the agency today and I'm not going to take Sofia. So, you'll need to take her too."

"No, I know. It'll be fine. The Jacksons will have Travis. Sofia will be fine with me. I have my call with John, but that is all I am waiting for today."

"TRAVIS! STOP!" I turn just in time to watch the flower-dressed Sofia dash past the rails of the banister and use her hand to spin on the newel post; starting her bound down the stairs. A cape-laden vigilante jumps over the banister rail in hot pursuit.

Mid-flight, yellow cape flowing majestically in the air, I somehow have time to decide I'm more impressed with the launch and calculated trajectory than I am terrified of the obvious risk of an impulsive launch with no landing planned. Perhaps this superhero can bend time.

The caped crusader yells, "I'm saving you Sof!"

"Travis!" Helen bellows, ripping the brush down Emily's hair. The sudden staccato brush stroke eliciting a loud, screechy "Oowchu!"

Both outbursts drown out my own: "Travis, careful buddy!" It was unnecessary anyway; the boy lands feet-first in front of his foster sister.

I turn back to Helen, and she shakes her head at me with a glance.

I continue, “Did you have a set of play clothes laid out for him already?”

“No, but you can...”

“I know, I was just wondering if you already had some. Travis, love the costume buddy, but let’s get some normal-boy clothes on.”

“I want them to know I’m a good guy though!”

Sofia interjects, “Not when you chase people around when they don’t want to!”

“You said you wanted to play!” Travis protests.

“Yeah, but I wanted to be the superhero,” she enunciates.

“But I already had my cape on…” Travis trails off sheepishly.

“It was a great jump Travis, and any bandit would have been terrified to see it. Let’s go look for some shorts and a shirt though. Mr. and Mrs. Jackson are going to know you’re a good guy when they hang out with you.”

***

While the garage door is creaking open and Travis and Sofia are climbing into the back seat of the van, I stop Helen as she passes into the kitchen. “They have a daughter Sofia’s age?”

“Yeah, that’s what the agency said.”

“Are you sure you can’t take Sofia?”

“Ugh, Tom. It’s not that hard to watch her…”

“Helen, you know how those two are. If it was Emily, I wouldn’t say anything.”

“And do you think I should take Sofia with me? After the last time at the offices?”

I watch Sofia and Travis buckling up. Almost siblings. Almost a son and daughter. “No.” I honestly reply. The park is better. It’s only that prospective parents always have a romantic idea of how the first encounter should go. According to them.

“You’ve got this, Tom. The kids love playing with you. I just… need to be there for Emily today.”

***

The park is serene when we arrive. The trees along the stream are pleasantly shading the walk path. The tennis courts are filled with retired autumn-season athletes enjoying their warm Tuesday morning. The choice for an early-in-the-week rendezvous was exactly as I planned. Only a handful of other parent-and-child pairings dotted the park, giving Travis and the Jacksons plenty of private space, and time, to get to know each other. I look in the rear-view mirror at the two, lightly elbowing each other over what I presume is some invisible boundary; clearly violated. My stomach dances with the memory of this same scene before. My subconscious didn’t remember, or care, if it was one of these two – or one of our past fosters. The nervousness was always the same. I wondered if the two in the back had the same anticipation.

“Sofia. Travis.”

“But it was…”

“I don’t care guys. Today is for Travis, ok?”

“Okay?” I intone louder.

“Okay.” Sofia says looking out the window.

I glance down at the dash. 10:15. It’s better to be early. Get out of the car, find a playground toy first. Travis takes to the jungle gym. Most likely imagining he is a superhero scaling a skyscraper. Sofia takes a swing and starts humming a song. I take to glancing periodically back at the parking lot.

“Maybe we should go home,” Travis tells me, as he leans his head against my leg. His eyes are on a maroon Honda CR-V carefully choosing a parking spot. I know it’s them too, somehow.

I bend down and grab both his shoulders. “Are you a good guy?”

“Yes.”

“Are you a tough guy?”

“Yes.”

“Let’s go meet them.”

“Ok.”

We walk hand in hand. Philip reaches us first. He looks at me and smiles and bends down to talk to Travis first.

Good job Philip. Good job.

“Hey, you’re Travis!”

Travis grins and hides a little bit behind my leg. Melanie gives me a quick and polite wave in a motion to also address Travis first. She circles around Philip and kneels so that Travis is deprived of a hiding place.

“Hi, Travis. I’m Melanie.”

“Umm. Hi, Mrs. Jackson.” He looks up at me to make sure he said it correctly. I nod, and smile, removing my leg. His arms cross in front of his body instead.

“Tom told us that you are fast” Philip says and smiles at Travis.

“Yeah! I am,” Travis beams, “Do you want to see?” but he doesn’t wait for a response and takes off toward the tennis court. Philip gets up and chases turning the demonstration into an impromptu race.

“Thanks for setting this up, Tom,” Melanie says, while turning to follow.

I’m struck by her sincerity and disarming kindness. “Well, I mean, it’s why we do it.”

Travis quickly led the potential family out of earshot, and I strode a distance behind to give them space. “Sofia!” I called as they started to interact, “Let’s you and me go play by the river!” She waved and came bounding over.

***

“Tom, look.” I set my phone down as Sofia gently lifts her hand, which is acting as a windowless prison. A dazzlingly blue damselfly sits daintily in her other palm and promptly seizes its chance to make a break for it. The damselfly flew off toward the water again. I look down at Sofia’s wet and mud-covered shoes and dress. “Stay out of the stream, ok?” I had thought about listening to Helen’s advice on having Sofia change out of the dress, and white shoes, but decided against it. They are only clothes, and they are her favorite.

“Beautiful, wasn’t he?”

“He? The pretty ones are girls!”

I chuckle to myself, “Not for damselflies, but for you; yes.” I return to my phone as she skips back to the water’s edge.

I had asked for a raise a few weeks prior. John, my boss, had thought I was just negotiating at first. He realized I was serious after I stopped by his office a second time. I was worth the raise, and John thought so too. I appreciated he had gone to the executives for me, but they weren’t required to oblige. I had faith though; I had passed on a promotion and had recommended my replacement. I had trained him for the role. I had saved them roughly a year’s salary with that suggestion too. They knew I spent a lot of time as a foster father, but I worked hard for them and offered great value for my salary.

As I was reading over the list of ‘reasons I deserve this raise’, I heard Melanie; “Travis, what do you think about taking a break and eating some lunch?”

“Nah! Let’s play in the water!”

“Do not get in the stream, Travis.” I tell him as he comes skidding into view.

“Ok! Sofia, what’re you up to!” and he’s off again.

Melanie comes up with a bead of sweat on the side of her face, Philip not too far behind.

“Energetic, isn’t he…” She observes.

“He is.” I withhold a follow-up statement. Several come to mind, ‘But he means well’ seems to downplay something, and I refuse to utter it. She glances at me just as my phone starts to vibrate. I check the screen, and Melanie notices the glow too.

“Do you mind if I leave Sofia for a moment while…”

“Yes, absolutely,” she says.

I smile thankfully and walk away as I answer the phone.

***

“Hey John.”

“Good afternoon, Tom. I have Mackenzie and Corey on the phone with me.”

“Hi Tom.”

“Tom.”

“Mackenzie, Corey. Nice to hear from you both again.”

“You too, Tom” Mackenzie says taking lead in the conversation. “I wanted to just tell you right away thank you for coming to John with your request and thank you for everything that you do for us. Just to acknowledge some items Tom, we discussed the initiative you took to restructure your team. We are going to be asking other team leads to consider the same. We are also impressed with your training of junior team members and even getting Evan spun up to take that regional spot you turned down.”

“Thanks, ma’am, I appreciate everything you all have done for our family too.” I’m not sure if I meant to say ‘family’ or if I did so on accident, but for some reason I am ashamed and wonder if I made a mistake.

Corey continues, “Yeah, John says you are out at the Stewart F. Jeffries Park today, right? You had a family come to talk to one of the fosters, right?”

“Hey Corey, yeah, Travis, one of our foster kids, is meeting a potential family today.”

Corey continues, “we really respect what you have done there, Tom.”

I glance towards the stream. The Jacksons, Travis and Sofia are in the trees somewhere out of view.

“Thanks.” I reply. I know it’s short, but I am not sure what else to say, and am anxious to hear what they are actually going to say. I let the pause hang and can hear some papers shuffle through the phone.

“Tom,” John interjects finally, “I wanted to give you the news: we are going to give you your raise, and Mackenzie and Corey thought we could give you a little more than you asked for. You’ll see the new rate in your next paycheck.”

“Oh. Well. Wow guys. I truly appreciate it. Really, thank you.”

“You’re welcome, Tom.” Mackenzie replied, “We are looking forward to your future here and I do want to have a longer conversation about you moving into some higher positions when you come back in later this week. We understand you have needed the time with your family, and we want you to take on some more responsibilities here too.”

“Thanks, Mackenzie and I’ll stop by on Thursday.”

“Ok, Tom. Enjoy your PTO, see you Thursday.” John said bringing the conversation to a close.

“Bye, guys.”

“Bye, Tom”

“Later, Tom”

***

I turn around to see and hear Philip – hands cupped around his mouth – shout “Travis!”. Philip catches my glance, a tone of desperation contorting his face.

Melanie scans the trail. Her earlier light has dimmed. Her figure, somehow smaller now. She calls out into the tree line in a measured tone, but still telegraphs her worry.

Sofia is bounding across the park towards me, dirt-stained tear tracks on her cheeks. “We can’t find Travis,” She breaks out with fresh tears carving new channels through the dirt.

There were three places he would be. “Is he mad, are you playing hide and seek or is he playing superheroes?” I ask her.

“Uhh... it wasn’t my fault.”

“I didn’t ask that.”

“Well, he wasn’t listening.”

“So, he’s mad?”

“Well, the man yelled at him.”

“So, he’s upset.” I conclude.

I cross the field at a jog pace toward the path, approaching Melanie. She looks at me with wide eyes, “He just ran Tom! That way – but..” “Watch Sofia for a second, Melanie. I know where he is.” Melanie strains to say something but Sofia interrupts “Wait! Don’t leave me alone!”

I slow my pace near Melanie and let Sofia catch up. I notice Melanie has her phone out, 911 is visible. She quickly clutches the phone close to her chest. “I didn’t call Tom, I’m just scared.” I breathe some relief.

Philip catches up and looks at me for direction. “He’s down the trail about 200 yards. There is a…” Philip interrupts, “why don’t you go, we will watch Sofia.”

“No, I need to stay with her, I needed to stay with her.”

“Tom, I … I’m not sure he wants me to get him.”

“You need to get him then. Down the path, there is a fallen tree that looks like a portal. There is a little trail that leads to a clearing by the stream.”

***

I get done buckling the kids into the van and turn to the Jacksons.

“Tom. I’m so sorry. I was nervous for the girl; they were by the water.”

“I know Philip, it’s ok. I understand. Travis is Travis. His imagination is as big as his heart. His intensity is who he is.” Philip looked back at me with a face that I read as still needing reassurance. “Philip. He wasn’t upset with you. He was upset with himself. This isn’t the first time he has met new people. It’s a lot for these kids to have to do this, too much.” Philip nodded his head and looked down to the ground. “Boys forget easily guys. Just give me another call. If you want to.”

“He’s such a happy boy,” Melanie managed to get out before choking on a growing sensation in her throat. “Yeah, he is. . . Melanie, thank you. Really. I should have kept Sofia with me and you not calling the authorities is huge. I should not have put any of this on you.”

***

After dinner, outside on the patio, I read through my list of ‘reasons I deserve this raise’ again. Travis comes out quietly and curls up on my lap.

“I’m sorry Travis,” I whisper to him through his matted and earth-smelling hair.

He shifts, voice small, “They think I’m the bad guy.”