The Curious Case of Jenny's Instagrammy

MEMORANDUM

April 22nd 2021

TO: All senior Executives at Instagram Inc.

CC: “The  Big Z”

RE:  The curious case of Jenny Bay

Hey Brian, Joe, and all you fine folks with the comfy chairs haha

We received this odd email way back in 2020, but we can’t make heads or tails of it!

We’ve checked to see if we can answer her “request” but it doesn’t look like there’s any reason why this is even happening! Nothing on the technical side!

Maybe some internet witch doctor is doing something, but there’s it’s not like we have anything out to get her!

Like have you heard about this! This is just craaaa-zy!

I wouldn’t normally bring this to your attention, but as I said, something really funky is going here!

I’d hate to be on her media!

Dave

THE FOLLOWING IS THE ORIGINAL EMAIL RECEIVED ON FEBRUARY 29TH 2020

*****THIS EMAIL IS FOR INTERNAL ONLY*****

SHARING THIS TO THE PUBLIC/MEDIA WILL RESULT IN IMMEDIATE TERMINATION

February 29th 2020

Dear Instagram,

Normally I wouldn’t bother you with something so trivial, but I really don’t know what to do here!

Oh! Sorry! 

My name is Jenny……or at least on your Instagram I’m jenny_luvz_cattz94

Well anyways, I want a complete removal of all my posts and my entire Instagram account.

Permanently.

Like forever.

I don’t even want anybody to find me or tag me in a post!

This might seem a little odd, but let me explain something:

Whenever I post a picture, video, story, like literally ANYTHING, whatever happens in the photo will never happen again!

Ok……so I know that sounds a little weird, but let me explain:

My cat, Lucy, used to love cuddling up on me! She would just curl up on my lap and just chill! I snapped a quick selfie of the two of us and posted it online (of course!).The next day I came home and my cat was just nuts! Like seriously, just like night and day! I asked a neighbor and she said that they started some new construction and some loud noise just shook the entire building! It scared the crap out of the entire animal community in this building!

Oh! That reminds me! The other day I posted this amazing sunrise shot from my balcony, and then I found out they’re building another stupid condo tower right in front of me! Like I wake up and there's the ugliest crane I’ve ever seen in my life right outside my window!

It’s so weird! Every boyfriend I’ve ever taken a picture or a selfie with just randomly broke up with me for no reason whatsoever! One day they literally just said they had a strange feeling that they should break things off or “I wasn’t the one!” And don’t give me that look! My friends can vouch for me! They can’t explain it either!

I find an amazing vintage art piece, it falls off of the table!

I buy a new album, the record player scratches it!

I make a post about loving my job and an electrical fire next door destroyed the whole building!

Every post I ever posted on your website finds a way to never happen again!

What would you do if you wanted to share a precious moment with your friends or family but if you took a picture of it, you knew it would never happen again!

I was so incredibly thankful that I could share precious moments with my cat, the amazing trek I made with friends (before they built the new megamall), or winning my first medal in track and field (had to end the career early due to a muscle strain). But now I’m like, if I post this, I’ll never get to experience it again! I’ve even stopped making mention of things online for fear that…..well whatever this is……. will make sure I never go through this again! Even if I’m TAGGED in a post, there’s a risk that I’ll never get to experience that feeling again!

Is it worth sharing something knowing that once I do it’s gone forever?

How important is it that people see what I’ve been doing in my life? How important is it to me that I blurt out to the world “Here I am! Love me!”

And here’s another crazy part: It’s only fun and happy moments!

Like I kinda had a feeling something weird like this was going on, so I was like “Ohhhh…..I am going to take FULL ADVANTAGE of this!”

I took a photo of the restaurant and how they messed up my food order, posted it online, and when I ordered the same thing the next time IT LOOKED EVEN WORSE!!!

There was this creeper-bro in our building that has been checking me out for quite a while and one time, just as a joke, I asked him to take a selfie with me saying “NEW BF hahaha” thinking he would get drafted into the bro-army or something, and then he starts dating my BFF! Now he’s even closer to me and putting more moves on me! 

I honestly don’t know what is happening here!

I CANNOT post anything happy on social media!

The amount of times where all I wanted to do is put a smile on somebody's face by posting a funny dog photo or something is dead to me!

You see something, you take a picture of it and you’re just standing there like “Is it even worth it?”

That’s why I’m asking you, pretty much begging you!  

I want everything I ever posted, like gone!

I want to have a life again!

I want to tell people what’s happening in my life again!

I know that it only affects the happy moments, and I tend to share a lot of them! Maybe I just need to post more honest posts! The heartbreaks, the times where I failed myself and others, and just be really open about the type of person I REALLY am and not the person who I try to be to a bunch or “followers” who claim to be my friends!

Is there anything you can do to make this happen?

Like seriously, anything!

Likeable, but not wanting “Likes”

Jenny