It is Done

“Did you eat breakfast?” 

She asked only because he said he was tired that morning. She was just trying to help. 

That’s what Ruth was good at, finding solutions to everyday problems.

Ruth was always in a cheerful, joyous mood. It was a superpower that she had, everything she touched would turn good. 

It was ironic for Ruth to think that she lights up a room when she walks in. She saw her life as an unfinished tragedy. The source of that light comes from a very dark place. 

Ruth comes from a series of very, very unfortunate events. Ever since she was a baby it was illness after illness. She was referred to as a miracle baby. She was left an orphan when she was eight, when her father passed away of  cancer, and her mother chose to go with him. 

Ruth grew up with her grandmother, she was a sweet, sweet lady that loved sweets and fried food. She owned a candy store in the neighborhood. “Tita” was what Ruth called her. Tita was always so loving, but it wasn’t confirmed if it was the fried food, sweets, or the amount of love that killed. Her heart was enlarged and so, three years after Ruth’s parents died, Tita also died of a heart attack. 

It was a complicated situation. Ruth had two younger brothers. She was now 11 and took on the responsibility of raising her brothers. At this time they were living with Tita’s husband. He wasn’t great, but at least they had somewhere to live. 

As much as Ruth tries to forget, she still can feel him forcing himself on her. She remembers the weight of that man and how she held her breath because the smell of him was disgusting. She tried to be as quiet as possible because this was a small price to pay for her brothers to have a home. 

Ruth got her brothers ready for school, made them breakfast, and walked them to school. She went to school and got the best grades. When she received her Honor Roll medal, she looked out into the audience looking for a familiar face and found none.

Her teachers loved her but very few knew the reality of Ruth’s life.

From the age of 11 to about 23, Ruth had been taking care of her siblings. When one of them turned 18, he decided to move with his friends to Arizona. He was tired of Ruth acting like she was mom. Soon after, the other brother left too. 

15 years later she’s a professional, independent woman with no family. Her brother’s moved to another state and are no longer in contact with her. The closest thing to family were the strangers at work that would occasionally engage in small talk, except for Mark. 

“Did you eat breakfast?” 

“No, I don’t eat breakfast.” Mark responded.

“Maybe that’s why you feel tired.”

“Probably.”

“Here, have some of this. I already had some.”

She pushed over her bowl filled with chopped fruits. 

“Thank you! You’re the best!” 

She felt her stomach growl, she hadn’t eaten yet. 

Ruth had been working at this finance company for three years and has already made her way into management. She met  Mark when she first started working there and they had remained work-friends. 

“Hey I heard that you may be going to the New York offices?” Mark asks.

“They offered me the job but I’m still thinking about it.”

“Why wouldn’t you take it? This is the opportunity you’ve been working for!”

This was the opportunity she was working towards but she didn’t want to move cross country away from him. There was nothing else holding her back except for Mark but he didn’t even know it.

She sighed and said, “I probably will take it!”

“You don’t sound so excited about it,”

“I am, but moving is a drag!”

“I’ll help you move, how about that?” 

“That would be great!”

It would be great if he would just move to New York with her, she thought to herself. 

That night she went home thinking about Mark moving to New York. It would be great but no, it would never happen. She brushed it off as she made herself dinner. 

Her life after work was lonely. She didn’t have a life outside of work. She didn’t have friends, she didn’t go out. She would sit there and think about her parents, her grandma, and everything else.

 What could she have done to prevent this?

“I could have not been born.” 

In Ruth’s mind, this was what made sense. Her mom used to remind her about how Ruth was an accident. She shouldn’t have been here. While Ruth was hospitalized, her father had an affair with another woman, and can you guess who was to blame? Ruth.

If she hadn’t gotten sick, she wouldn’t have been in the hospital, her mother would’ve been home and he wouldn’t have cheated. 

 Maybe that was mother nature trying to get rid of evil on earth. 

It was surprising that after many attempts to end her life she was still here. Maybe she had done it wrong.

 “Cut vertical, not horizontal.” 

This was the one thing that she failed at.

That night, Ruth thought of all the people she had helped. She was a life coach before she worked in finance. She brought real life solutions to struggling people, even when she was struggling too. All throughout she tried to be all that other people needed to prove that there was a reason for her to be there. She made a decision that would make the world a better place.

“Cut vertical, cut vertical, cut vertical” 

Ruth had planned this out but today she felt spontaneous. Instead of using her designated blade she had picked out a long time ago, she chose an old, rusty box cutter. She thought,

“If the wound doesn’t do it then the infection will.” 

She was just hoping that it would finally work. And if it did work, then it was meant to be. 

She felt her breaths get more and more shallow and she whispered to herself,

“It is done.”