Crumbs Of Passion
Waking up from another dream, hot and sweaty. The tornados were everywhere as well as the snakes. Night after night the same dreams. Out of control weather and vicious poisonous snakes on the ground everywhere you step. Melanie couldn’t get past the dreams. She stayed up as late as possible until she thought she was exhausted enough to fall into a deep sleep; but she found it didn’t matter. The nightmares were waiting for her as soon as she closed her eyes.
Melanie hadn’t always had the dreams, sleep used to be her place of healing, If her day hadn’t went well, she could go to sleep and start fresh the next morning. That was the days before she met Chuck. Chuck changed her entire life. Everything that she believed about herself, her goals, her ambitions were put on hold. He came in like her Prince Charming and stole her heart and her independence.
The tightness in her chest continued as she waited for him to get home. Her anxiety had reached new bounds. With every ounce of her being she lost control. He would enter the room and her nerves would cause her to exhibit extreme awkwardness. She couldn’t pour a drink without spilling, she couldn’t walk without tripping, she couldn’t speak without stuttering. Her emotions left her vulnerable to Chuck’s attack. Even if he wasn’t angry, she policed herself to the extent that her anxiety would cause her heart to rapidly beat.
As soon as Melanie got to the point she didn’t think she could survive anymore, Chuck knew. He would give Melanie everything she ever wanted. The sweet words would roll off of his tongue. Flowers would be purchased and items of beautiful jewelry. The romance would be heightened and she would see again the man she fell in love with. Life was beautiful.
Melanie’s journal was full rollercoaster. The writings would describe the climb and excitement to the top and then when she was able to take in a breath of fresh air the rollercoaster would plunge down the other side. The fall was described as utter hopelessness, the powerless feeling of falling into a black hole without any light at the end of the tunnel. The messy journal was hid but she knew that if Chuck every found it she would have hell to pay. Writing it helped her though, to put her most personal thoughts and fears on paper. The writing wasn’t legible, it was hard for even her to reread as her teardrops smeared the ink.
Melanie would continue. She would rise early and take care of his morning meal and send him out the door with a kiss and a smile knowing that no matter how clean the house was when he returned that it wouldn’t be enough. She would overcompensate for his lack of consideration and serve him. He would take every ounce of energy that she would relinquish and ask for more; never telling her to stop and take care of herself.
When Melanie was about to break, the (Crumbs of Passion) would return and order would be restored for a time. She would try to predict how long she had in her fairy tale before the evil dragon returned. Chuck thought that the reason Melanie stayed was because he was irresistible. Even though he was handsome and she had been fully attracted the constant criticism and false accusations distorted his sex appeal.
His control on her heart, her clothing, her friends and family made her feel alone. Melanie continued to be only present in her own head and found that Chuck couldn’t control her there. Her sweet imagination made her think of experiencing a new life without rules. She was afraid though that it might be to late that he had secured her dependence on him. Melanie let her license for Accounting expire due to Chuck’s severe jealousy. She thought at the time that if she stayed home where he could always know where she was and who she was talking to then he wouldn’t accuse her of being unfaithful. She was sadly mistaken. Melanie couldn’t go to the grocery store, the gym, even the hairdresser without being timed. A traffic jam due to an accident was going to be debated and only clarified when reported on the six o’clock news.
But then again, the flowers, the jewelry, the trips. How could he be all bad. He once saved her from being bitten by a copperhead that she was about to place her hand on. Was this love, was it all he was capable of. Melanie didn’t know and had no one to tell her. There wasn’t anyone else living in her shoes that could clearly tell her what was right and what was wrong.
As far as Melanie knew, he was faithful to her. She felt like Chuck knew that if he wasn’t that it would give her the strength to walk away. Many people can’t understand why women stay when their marriages involve mental and physical cruelty and then walk away when the husband cheats. Melanie felt like that was the only thing that her and Chuck had left and he knew not to break that bond.
The dreams continued, Melanie’s peace could not be found during sleep. She had never experienced a tornado and couldn’t understand why they were swirling all around her in her sleep. The snakes coiled up to strike and were nipping at her heels. Her dreams were as out of control as her life. With Chuck daring her to do anything that he had not approved. Melanie laid in the dark room praying for peaceful sleep and guidance on how to handle her life. She wanted control back but didn’t have the strength to take it. She wished he would walk away and then she would have no choice. But Chuck never walked away, he continued to control her, the finances and all aspects of her life.
Chuck woke up before Melanie on a Saturday morning and he decided that due to his berating of her in front of his brother that he would offer her some crumbs. He walked downstairs and prepared a delicious breakfast and placed it on a tray to take to his beautiful wife. With a vase holding a long stem rose he walked back up the stairs. As he entered the room, he started to get agitated because she was sleeping so long and went to the bedside to shake her.
Melanie had decided to give in to the tornados and the poisonous snakes.