Messy and Beautiful

Saturday morning - Vanessa struggled into the laundry room with her children’s hampers, looking for a place to stash them while still leaving room to sort the clothes. Above her the shower turned on, indicating that her husband, Daniel, had finally woken up. She knew he would be playing on his phone for five minutes or so while the shower warmed up. He looked at that thing more than at her. The other night she had seen him smiling at it in the way he used to smile at her. She missed those days. It annoyed her how long he spent in the bathroom. She didn’t know what he was doing in there. Was it all playing on the phone or was he primping? If he was, he was spending more time doing it than she was.  

Physically giving herself a shake, she returned to the task at hand. She knew she was being overly dramatic, but she felt like she was an island surrounded by a sea of laundry while the children bickered in the other room over which cartoon to watch. She wished she could take a deep breath of salt air, but deep breaths were ill-advised as the only aroma in this small space was the one emanating from David’s baseball uniform.

Vanessa struggled against the urge to shove as many clothes as she could into the washer and retreat back to the kitchen table and her coffee. Sighing, she sorted the clothing into piles: white, light, dark, denim, and delicates. The laundry summed up how she felt about her life - it stank. The whites were faded and the colors that used to bring her joy had faded. 

Finishing taking clothes out of her daughter’s hamper, she found a paper folded into a square and squished into a corner. She took it out and unfolded it, discovering a large heart next to a rudimentary figure with outstretched arms and the words “I love mommy.” Vanessa felt the tension easing and a warm feeling settled into her stomach. She smiled in spite of herself, as she tried smoothing out the creases in the paper on the top of the dryer.

After beaming one last time at the picture, she turned her attention to her son’s gamy laundry, wrinkled her nose and commenced turning out the pockets. She had long since learned of his tendency to keep Pokemon cards and other treasures in his pockets to share with his friends on the bus and had already dealt with more meltdowns over destroyed cards than she wanted to remember. As expected, she found some mostly melted pieces of candy and a couple of EX and GX cards.  She carefully placed his treasures on top of her newly discovered one as she continued on to her clothes. 

Her clothes reminded her of the week she had had. Her scout uniform brought another smile to her face as she recalled her little den of lions and the unsullied vivacity that bubbled out of them. They had built and destroyed different creations at their den meeting on Monday as she tried to build the metaphor that the same principles and consequences applied to how they treated other people. 

Her nicest suit jacket reminded her of Thursday’s long day. She didn’t normally wear a suit to work, except when she expected to meet with parents and Thursday she had had midyear conferences with parents. Most of them went well, mostly just loving parents who wanted to check in with her, some seeking compliments about how wonderful their children were. One set of parents, however, had spent 40 minutes berating her for their child’s failure to do better in her class. She had tactfully tried to point out to the parents that the child had moved up a level from academic to accelerated, so his C in her class was actually the equivalent of the B he had earned last year, but they did not want to hear that. She mentioned that he was not completing his homework and they had faulted her for failing to motivate them. They had gone round in circles and after 20 minutes, Vanessa had stopped trying to defend herself, instead allowing them to spew their venom until they had exhausted themselves. After that she had texted Daniel, seeking comfort and reassurance, but he never texted her back. She hadn’t believed it, compulsively checking for a message. He always had his phone in his hands. How could he have failed to see it?

Turning to her husband’s clothes, she recommenced turning out pockets. Boys, she thought with an eye roll. Or perhaps genetics. Like father, like son at any rate. She found a variety of receipts and set them aside as she finished her sorting and started a load of whites, pouring bleach in to try to brighten them.

She took the pile of receipts and carried them out to the kitchen. She knew Daniel would likely just throw them away, but she liked to keep hers just in case. Turning the corner, she nearly collided with her husband and recoiled just in time. 

“Good morning,” she offered, and held up the pile of receipts. “I found these in your pockets. You know you should really keep these filed somewhere.”

“I know, I know,” he rolled his eyes as he reluctantly reached for them. Her eyes fell on the top one and she saw it was to Kay Jewelers. 

“What is that for?” Vanessa asked, trying to take a look at it. 

“Nothing,” he said, quickly shoving it in his pocket.

“No, it’s something. What did you buy?”

“Nothing,” he repeated irritably.

A nauseous feeling started to form in her stomach. Why wouldn’t he tell her? What was he hiding? They had been distant recently, and he had been working really late hours. He also hadn’t been sleeping in their room, preferring the sofa. She had thought he was being kind, giving her a break from his snoring, but was he? They barely spoke any more unless it was about schedules or the kids. She had worried about it before, but he always got irritated when she tried to push him, so she had been trying to give him some space. But what would he buy at Kay Jewelers? And why wouldn’t he tell her? It wasn’t like any holidays were looming. Valentines day had been last week and it wasn’t like jewelry was something he would buy her for Easter.

“Daniel,” she began again, but he groaned and walked away from her and back up the steps. She wanted to follow and demand an explanation, but she knew it wouldn’t do any good. The more questions she asked, the more he would retreat into himself.

“Mommy!” her daughter yelled, running into the room and colliding with her in a hug. “Can you make pancakes?”

“Sure,” she replied, plastering a smile on her face. She turned her attention to making breakfast but her hands moved on their own while her mind whirled. After she finished breakfast, she heard the ding of the washer and went to move the clothes to the dryer. As she started a new load, she felt arms wrapping around her from behind.

“Stop,” her husband’s voice insisted. She turned to face him, her face expressing her question. “Stop thinking. I can see your mind coming to all the wrong conclusions.” Then he called the kids, “David, Jenny, come here!”

They clambered into the laundry room with mischievous looks on their faces. David held something behind his back.

“I thought we should all have a night out tonight and I was going to give this to you then, but you caught on too soon,” Daniel explained. “David, give it to Mommy.”

David handed her a jewelry box. Vanessa opened it to discover a ring with three stones placed in it - her birthstone with each of the children’s on either side. She looked up in surprise, hoping her mouth wasn’t hanging open.

“I wanted to do something nice to thank you for doing everything you do on a daily basis. I know I haven’t been home a lot to help with the kids or around the house. And I saw the ring we got you for mother’s day the year Jenny was born was in bad shape, so I thought maybe you could wear this in its place.”

Relief and love washed through Vanessa as she let Daniel slip it on her finger and she hugged her family tightly. The laundry that surrounded them brought to mind many moments they had had together and the colors were reinvigorated, vivid and vibrant.