PlayStation Time Machine

A thick layer of dust encased the console, seemingly trapping the original PlayStation in time. As Ryan stared at the simple gray box, she tried to remember the last time she’d seen it, let alone played with it. It had to have been with her brother, he was the one obsessed with video games. James would spend hours locked in his room staring at screens when they were growing up. On the weekends, their mom had to force him out of the house and away from the latest gaming console and game craze. Ryan never had the same connection to these virtual worlds. Maybe it was because they grew up in a time when video game marketing still focused primarily on boys. Or maybe it was that James hardly ever let her play with him, because who wants to teach a newb? As Ryan stared at the console, tears began swirling in her eyes. She blinked hard, fighting back the memories that brought on this betrayal of emotion. She replaced the lid on the cardboard box that encased the keepsake like a tomb and pushed it under her desk to deal with another day.

“Why did I bring that home,” she thought, as she turned out the light and closed her office door.

In the living room, she found her husband, Tim, playing with their thirteen and ten-year-old. Ash and Olivia were only a few years apart in age and, in plenty of ways, reminded Ryan of her relationship with James growing up. They fought plenty, Olivia always seemed to be chasing after Ash’s plans and he wasn’t always keen to have her tag along. Still, Ash did his best to be a good big brother, including her when he could and making it up to her when he couldn’t. No one noticed Ryan walk in as Tim tried to resolve a debate about who had actually touched the banister finish line first. It had apparently been a very contentious carpet skating race but Ryan could see the grin forming on Ash’s face as he argued that Olivia hadn’t seen his left foot swing around her to land on the banister moments before she crashed into it.

“Alright Olivia, you got me, you are the superior carpet skater. I just can’t get the reputation of losing to my baby sister…but I can’t deny your skills!” The sincerity in Ash’s voice, coupled with a hint of terror in his eyes was enough to convince Olivia of her victory.

“Thank you for acknowledging the Master,” Olivia huffed at her big brother as she turned the corner into the hallway and headed off to her room.

Later that night, Ryan was sitting in her office staring at the cardboard box again. She’d moved it out of the shadows back onto her desk but couldn’t bring herself to open it. Tim walked in to see what she was doing and when he asked about the box that she couldn’t take her eyes off, she could only mumble a faint, “Memories.”

“Can I look,” Tim asked with both hands already on the lid. Ryan shrugged as Tim reopened the tomb and before she realized what was happening she was sitting on the living room sofa watching Tim carefully clean the console, two controllers, and five CD-ROM disks containing what seemed like ancient virtual worlds.

“I doubt it will even work,” she heard herself saying, almost in a last-ditch effort to thwart his plans, as Tim plugged the time capsule into their 65” Sony TV. The last thing she remembered was the opening Sony display and the capital PS that seemed to form the side and bottom of a box.

When Ryan opened her eyes, five strange men were staring back at her.

“Wait, my NSYNC poster? What’s that doing…”

As Ryan took in more of her surroundings, she realized she was back in her childhood bedroom but so were several other things she had long since said goodbye to. For one, the mattress seemed to roll with her but she hadn’t had a water bed since the fifth grade and her CD collection was proudly on display against a wall striped in purple, blue, and green; colors that had long since been painted over. She realized the light illuminating all of these old mementos was coming from a lava lamp that burned out decades ago. Ryan quickly realized she was not in 2024 anymore.

The face staring back in the mirror was so innocent and devoid of wrinkles, worry lines, and all of the other pains of aging. Ryan couldn’t understand how she was here or for that matter, when here was, but she immediately thought of James. She crept through the dark hallway of her childhood home, past the endless wall of family photos, and took a deep breath before turning the knob and pushing her big brother’s bedroom door open. The inside of James’ room was lit by the TV’s blue “no input” screen, likely left on when he crawled into bed after a late night of gaming, only remembering to press save on whatever virtual expedition he was on before sleep took over. In the bed, she could see a body-shaped lump wrapped in the comforter like a cocoon. She walked just far enough into the room to see the rise and fall of the blankets covering James’ chest and sighed with relief. Just then a loud crash came from another room with what sounded like pots and pans smashing together. Ryan froze until she was sure James was still asleep and then slowly backed out of the room and closed the door.

Back down the hallway, Ryan found her mom in the kitchen making breakfast. The smell of bacon and maple syrup filled the room and the sight of Jean standing upright, sweating over a pan of scrambled eggs was enough to bring tears of joy to Ryan’s eyes. She hadn’t seen this Barbie-esque version of her mother in decades. Beautiful blond hair, long legs, and a smile that could pierce any heart. Her mom had always been a vision but this version was Ryan’s favorite. Maybe because it was just the three of them then.

“Morning honey, you sleep okay? You’re up early for a Saturday.”

The simple greeting was so welcoming and familiar that questions about time travel and sanity suddenly seemed irrelevant and Ryan decided to roll with the moment.

“Yeah, I guess I was just excited to spend the weekend with you and James.”

“Really? Yesterday, you said you couldn’t wait to get out of here. ‘James is the worst big brother ever and I can’t wait until I grow up and never have to see him again’ I believe were your exact words.”

Tears started to swell again but no words would form.

“Why…why would I say that?”

“Oh hey, it’s okay,” Jean said as she pulled Ryan in for a hug.

“Brothers and sisters fight, it happens, but you’re always going to have James in your life. You can’t get rid of him that easily!”

Ryan knew Jean was teasing but she also knew what the next few decades of life held and that, in fact, they had very little time with James left.

Homemade biscuits and gravy were his kryptonite back then but it was the second batch of bacon sizzling on the griddle that finally brought James to the breakfast table. Ryan had gathered that she and James were in a fight that started the night before and she was clearly the aggrieved party because he was doing his best to give her space while they started the day.

“I know you love me,” Ryan finally said to break the silence.

“What makes you say that?”

“You’re my big brother, you have to love me.”

She could see the wheels turning in his head before James finally agreed, relenting that it wasn’t nice to kick her out of his room but that sometimes he just needed some time to himself. He finished with a peace offering.

“What do you say we play some video games after breakfast?”

Back in James’ childhood room, the teen angst nearly leapt off the walls. The Green Day and Blink 182 posters showed early signs of rebellion that could’ve been a warning sign, but who’s looking for warning signs in a happy thirteen-year-old. James pulled the pristine-looking PlayStation out of a cabinet underneath the TV and started plugging everything in. He didn’t ask what game and that lack of choice told Ryan everything she needed to know about the when. Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater came out in September of 1999. James had worked the whole summer before at a fireworks warehouse to buy it and it was the only game he had really taken the time to teach Ryan.

As Ryan waited for James to get the game ready, she couldn’t help but think of all their memories together in this room, in this house, in this city. All of the incredible trips they’d taken with their mom, all of the Hallmark Holiday gatherings with extended family, and all of the time they spent laughing and playing together, oblivious of the hardships to come. It all seemed tainted now, in a way. Ryan was decades older but still felt just as naive as she seemed in that ten-year-old body. There were signs over the years that James wasn’t exactly happy with life anymore but it seemed like the standard ‘finding yourself’ kind of turmoil. Ryan didn’t realize how much he was hurting until it was too late. Until well after the phone call when a coworker found his body. That phone call was now five years deep in her memories but it still felt surreal, especially now. Watching her vibrant teen brother dedicate a coveted Saturday morning to bonding with his little sister, Ryan still wondered where it could’ve all gone so wrong.

As James passed her a controller and pressed the power button on the console, the last thing Ryan heard her brother say was, “You know I’ll always be there for you.”

“Mom, Dad?”

“Hey, no fair, you always make me shut off my video games after nine! Wait, what is this? I’ve never seen a console like it.”

When Ryan opened her eyes, she found Olivia standing in front of her. Ash was examining the ancient-looking game console and Tim was still trying to open his eyes on the other end of the sofa.

“It couldn’t have all been a dream, could it,” Ryan wondered as she pulled herself together and tried to think about what she could make for breakfast.

“Hey, Mom, can Olivia and I try this thing out?”

“I thought you wanted to spend the day with Grant and Steven?”

“I can always meet up with them later,” Ash replied as he picked up both controllers and handed one to Olivia.

“Besides, how many more times is Olivia going to want to stay home and hang out with me,” he grinned at her.

Beaming, Olivia jumped up on the couch as Ash pressed the power button on the ancient PlayStation. The opening screen played all the way through to the video game’s home screen. Everyone was still there in the living room.

“Tony Hawk? He was, like, a real guy wasn’t he,” Ash observed as he made his way over to take a spot next to his sister on the sofa.

As the Dead Kennedys came blasting out of the living room speakers to set the mood for the opening sequence of a Golden Age in pro skating, Ash turned to Olivia and gave her a nudge and a tight squeeze.

“You know I’ll always be here for you.”