RAM

El Perro necessita caca. That's what this idiot keeps saying to me. El Perro necessita caca and no, he doesn't. He's perfectly happy sitting here on my lap. I feed him my lunch and then get lunch for me. Now, though, el perro necessita caca. Cielito Lindo. “Vemos ye ramos, sento yo lito, yendo ye nimbo rambos. Ay ya ya ya” 'That's no mouse. That's el gato. Quick. Run. Run' from Cats and Bruises  in LT. You have amennoreah, sir. El em en oh pee. Caca. Porque no? Cafe caliente por el perro? Dogs don't drink coffee, but they eat chocolate. See, now that I'm back in Hell, I miss el perro. I'd force el perro to cuddle with me when I went to bed. He'd sneak away in the middle of the night to curl in a ball to conserve heat. Bad perro. I could just turn up the thermostat to a billion. Then you'd be warm and cuddle with me while panting. Bad perro. You tried to sneak into the treat bag and almost choked yourself on the plastic bag, but Spirit told me to go back home before it was too late. Good Spirit. Bad perro. You ate cooked bones and were constipated. Had to go to vet. Bad perro. Send healing to el Perro in meditation room. El perro desere caca, son no caca. Feed him fiber? 

           What have you done? You fool!? Or What have you done, you fool?! Think commas aren't important? “We ate Grandma. We ate, Grandma.” Embrasso. Yo necessita embrasso. They got one, why the hell aren't I getting one. Then I learned I had to ask. Breasts don't matter. I just had to ask first. Sometimes, it feels like I'm trapped in a cage like el perro when I first got him and he tried to get out by digging into the carpet and parents had to pay for new carpet. “It is not I who am crazy. It is I who am mad” Ren and Stimpy. Catch 22. Insanity. I'm in the Sexual Assault Information Network (S.A.I.N.) So, I'm in S.A.I.N. Tried to get into MEMPSA, but I fucked up the script. Meeting this morning about stalkers, sexual harassment, physical assault, all of which was done to me. Talk to case manager, who just cares about clean and her paycheck. This place is ghetto. Someone used the word colored today, which seemed racist. My job is to make them happy. “The dream to awaken our world. You're out of control. I take control. Who's side are you on? I take no side. What you truly want only I can give. You can't give it, you can't buy it, and you just don't get it.” Aeon Flux. An aeon is a time period. What's a flux? Vemos ye ramos, vemos yo lintos singo .. .. .I've been cheating in Duolingo.  Also cheating in crossword, but who cares? Twenty-nine more crosswords before it's complete. “Insanity is doing same thing over and over and expecting different results” but Lily Dale medium explained fisherman do the same thing over and over and get different results. So who's right and who cares? That's the difference in that joke I don't remember. Goldenstein and Lindenberg are dead is a play by Neil Simon. “I told you I'd shoot, but you didn't believe me. Why didn't you believe me”. Got Covid and flu shots. How are you doing today, James? I'm pregnant now leave me the fuck alone. I am so tired of answering everyone's questions: what's for lunch? What's for dinner? How's Allison doing? Are you two dating? What going on? I don't care. How are you? I'm pregnant now leave me the fuck alone. What the hell are you talking about? That's not even a possibility. Woman throwing colored pencil at me. Me taking picture of name of colored pencil so I can find it tomorrow. “I told you I'd shoot”. That's not Finnegan, that's a squirrel. Leave that squirrel alone. But I know the truth. That's Finnegan reincarnated as a squirrel. He loved Kristen more than me. Never feed a dog unsafe leftovers. Should have looked at ATD list of bad foods like Mother-in-Law plant. Why would you name a plant mother-in-law? 

           “Th .. Th .. That's all folks” was “So long folks” with Bosko the clown, who was racist. Nobody even knows who Bosko is anymore. Hanna Barbara, not Linda's middle name. Venica. Venica. Dog shit is crumbs of Hansel and Grettel. Just follow the shit. Maybe. “Oh, what a beautiful morning” from Oklahoma. Never been. Wish I was banned from Georgia instead of Wisconsin. “Fuck the Police” by NWA. Remember movie where NWA was NWH? Middle school, Agnon. First had feelings of homosexuality then. Masterbated in seperate beds about girls. Is that gay? It's not straight. Not exactly. Who cares? Watching porn at porn sites everywhere trying to understand female anatomy. Can't see ovaries in porn or can I? Don't know, but cared. Know now. Ex showed me and no, I can't feel ovaries, though maybe OB/GYN can. Ultrasound on tummy for spleen enlargement. Can't work out right now. That's bad. BP normal. Weight varying. Not sticking with soup and Smart Ones. Damn it. “I don't think you're happy enough”. They described this as like a cruise. If this was a cruise it would get bad revues and go out of business. Idiot cares about trash. Room must be clean. You have to be well groomed. Being shoved to ground for cleaning. Could develop PDSD. Probably not, though. Would've developed by now.

Often at night I feel like a sissy. I have seven stuffed animals: Fred, Hommy, Shmata, Benji, Leo, Ann, and Pita. Fred was a gift from Kristen, Hommy was a gift from my mom to replace the gift from my Aunt Judy, Shmata was supposed to be a gift for my boyfriend, John, (I'm bisexual), but he wanted a loud, annoying toy instead, so I kept Shmata, Benji was a gift from a woman interested in me who I'm not interested in, Leo was a gift from my ex-fiance (the third ex-fiance), Ann was a gift from my friend Ann when I moved (original, right?), and Pita was a free, small, stuffed animal Kristen got as a gift for attending a college. Kristen didn't want it and so he became mine. Pita stands for Pain in the Ass. I don't feel like a sissy because of the stuffed animals, I feel like a sissy because I wish there was someone to cuddle with me at night. I've always cuddled with my dogs and teddy bears. But, when I was in college, I invited a woman to stay over and to my shock, she said yes, and I went in the bed with my stuffed animal and she explained I could cuddle with her instead of a stuffed animal or a dog and it felt really good, but I don't have anyone to cuddle with right now and one woman who wants to cuddle with me is in Michigan and the other is the one that gave me Benji. People usually cuddle after they have sex, but people can just cuddle. Remember, Hollywood Squares: “When men say they want to have sex, what is it they really want?” The answer was to cuddle.