Simulation: CHOICE.

Content Warning: This work contains direct mentions and depictions of suicidal ideation and detailed suicide planning. 

Simulation: CHOICE. 

You are playing as: |________ 

Mode: [_] Simple 

.............[X] Average 

.............[_] Difficult 

You are equipped: [X] Well 

Your circumstances are: [X] Stable 

Your emotions are: [X] Manageable 

.....................................[X] Predictable 

.....................................[X] Rational 

Objective: [_] Sloth  

....................[_] Envy 

....................[_] Greed 

....................[_] Gluttony 

....................[_] Wrath 

....................[_] Pride 

....................[_] Lust  

....................[X] Happiness 

You WAKE UP. 

You are ALIVE. 

You are at HOME. HOME is a small blue house on the next-to-end lot of a small suburban street, in a medium-sized town on a large planet in a hypothetically infinite universe. You live at HOME with zero PARENTS, one temporary PARTNER, and one DOG. You moved into your HOME after college GRADUATION, and you pay your COST OF LIVING with an upper-middle-class JOB.

Automatically you perform DAILY TASKS for day 9099 of being ALIVE. These include the preparation of yourself for SOCIETY, the cleaning of your HOME, and the care of your DOG. You prepare BREAKFAST, and you EAT. 

Today you are off from your JOB. Your objectives for day 9099 of being ALIVE are: 

[X] Pick up PRESCRIPTION 

[X] Participate in HOBBIES 

Your PRESCRIPTION treats seasonal ALLERGIES. Your HOBBIES consist of creativity-based endeavours regarding PIANO and COLLAGE and the consumption of visual and animated MEDIA.  

Automatically you arrive at the PHARMACY by CAR. The PHARMACY is entered by a glass front door set into a brick strip mall. It is bookended by a DRY CLEANER and a COFFEE SHOP. 

You enter the PHARMACY, greeted by a chime from a doorbell. The atmosphere of packed shelves and narrow chairs is mildly claustrophobic, and the warm air smells of cheap floral freshener and sanitizer. 

Beside you sits a BOY IN A DENIM JACKET. Briefly you wonder if he created the garment, its surface painted with a myriad of pins and patches, and many references you don't recognise. 

You choose a grey-upholstered CHAIR opposite the counter. You tell the BOY, "I LIKE YOUR JACKET." 

You are now playing as: BOY IN A DENIM JACKET. 

Objective: [_] Sloth  

....................[_] Envy 

....................[_] Greed 

....................[_] Gluttony 

....................[_] Wrath 

....................[_] Pride 

....................[_] Lust  

....................[X] Death 

Your emotions are: [X] Unpredictable  

.....................................[X] Resented  

.....................................[X] Overwhelming 

Your LIFE has not been excessively more painful or difficult than anyone else's. You once expressed yourself through ART and MUSIC. You have not engaged with FRIENDS or in HOBBIES for several months. You work a MIDDLE-CLASS JOB and live ALONE with one shriveling HOUSEPLANT. You have not EATEN in twenty-two hours. You have not SLEPT for a greater total than four hours out of the past thirty-six. 

Your current chosen objective for day 8572 of being ALIVE is:  

[X] Obtaining MEDICATION to attempt SUICIDE. You do not want to be ALIVE.  

You respond to the COMPLIMENT, "OH, THANK YOU." 

>> "DID YOU MAKE IT?" 

"YEAH. IT USED TO BE OLD JEANS," you answer the QUESTION. You express partially-disguised DISCOMFORT at the attention through your fingers absentmindedly widening a growing TEAR in the denim's hem. 

You contemplate further RESPONSES. You desire CONNECTION but dissuade yourself from pursuing this. You appreciate the interest in your PAST EFFORTS but find it difficult to accept POSITIVE FEEDBACK due to feeling INADEQUATE when compared to your prior self. You pose an INQUIRY: "WHY ARE YOU HERE?" 

>> "ALLERGY STUFF. ISN'T THIS POLLEN JUST AWFUL? MY NEIGHBOURS MOWED THEIR LAWN YESTERDAY AND I COULDN'T STAND IT, I HAD TO GO INSIDE." 

You COMMISERATE. "OH. THAT SUCKS." 

A MUTUAL SHRUG spans the silence. 

You are now playing as: |________ 

You act with SPONTANEITY. "HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO THE [COFFEE SHOP NEXT DOOR]?" you PROPOSE. 

The BOY IN A DENIM JACKET shakes his head. The PHARMACIST calls him to the counter. He purchases a large over-the-counter BOTTLE OF PAINKILLERS for ten dollars and twenty-eight cents. At the transaction's completion he steps back to linger beside the DOOR. 

The PHARMACIST serves you next. You exchange SMALLTALK. You pay with a CREDIT CARD. You laugh with the PHARMACIST when your CREDIT CARD is rejected thrice by the machine's touchy SENSORS. The PHARMACIST moves your transaction to the second REGISTER. You complete the TRANSACTION and thank the PHARMACIST. You have obtained ALLERGY MEDICATION. 

[X] Objective COMPLETE: Pick up PRESCRIPTION. 

You move toward the DOOR, beside which stands the BOY IN A DENIM JACKET. 

>> "IS IT GOOD? THE [COFFEE SHOP NEXT DOOR]?" 

"THE BEST," you ADVERTISE. You and your PARTNER have frequented the location for years. "THEIR DONUTS ARE TO DIE FOR." You do not know what the BOY IN A DENIM JACKET would die for. 

You act with COMPASSION. "CAN I BUY YOU A CUP? HOWEVER YOU WANT IT?" You leave him no room to RESPOND. "YOU LOOK LIKE YOU'RE HAVING A ROUGH DAY. I INSIST." You beckon him outside. You hold open the DOOR. 

You are now playing as: BOY IN A DENIM JACKET. 

You want to REJECT. You want to ACCEPT. You are UNDETERMINED in your motivation. You take your final hesitation as the sign to ACCEPT one good thing. One LAST good thing. A FINAL kindness for the PERSON you once were. You hold no deep CONTENTMENT in your daily OBJECTIVE beyond an inexplicable duty, a necessity. 

You ACCEPT the offer. 

You are accompanied by a STRANGER to the COFFEE SHOP NEXT DOOR. The atmosphere is BRIGHT and PLEASING, a layout of white-painted walls and wood-patterned linoleum strewn with wrought metal TABLES AND CHAIRS. 

A cup of COFFEE is purchased for you. You sit at a small and wobbly TABLE with a STRANGER you met in the PHARMACY. From overhead the shop is serenaded by PALATABLE INDIE ROCK. 

The coffee is HOT and hits your stomach like a flush of attractance. The taste is RICH and STRONG. You have not tasted anything in the past twenty-three hours. You say, "THANK YOU" and offer to pay back the STRANGER with a portion of the nine dollars and seventy-two cents remaining in your DUCT TAPE WALLET, all currently being crushed in your back pocket against the seat of the CHAIR. 

The STRANGER objects. The STRANGER insists on having bought your COFFEE. 

You converse with the STRANGER about NONSENSE and PASSIVE NOTHINGS. 

Topics include: [X] WEATHER 

..............................[X] CELEBRITY NEWS 

..............................[X] FAVORITE RECIPES 

..............................[X] CREATIVE HOBBIES 

..............................[X] HATED AND FAVORED CLASSES in the long-passed abyss that was HIGH SCHOOL 

You and the STRANGER share many of the same OPINIONS. You feel like a PERSON. 

You check the TIME of the clock on the far wall. The TIME is 11:44 am. You had intended to attempt SUICIDE alone in your apartment at 12:00 pm of day 8572 of being ALIVE. 

You live TWO MILES walking distance from the brick strip mall containing the PHARMACY and the COFFEE SHOP. You will not meet your OBJECTIVE. 

[_] Objective FAILED. 

You are now playing as: |________ 

Upon the mutual completion of BEVERAGES you exchange NUMBERS scribbled on coffee shop NAPKINS with the BOY IN A DENIM JACKET, as friendly acquaintances borne from a chance SPONTANEOUS INTERACTION. You wish him WELL. 

You DRIVE HOME. You prepare a balanced LUNCH. You take your ALLERGY MEDICATION. After walking your DOG you engage in the relaxing HOBBY: Excessive consumption of animated MEDIA. 

[x] Objective COMPLETE: Participate in HOBBIES. 

You wonder about the BOY IN A DENIM JACKET. 

Your PARTNER comes home in the afternoon to join in your consumption of MEDIA. You tell your PARTNER about your trip to the PHARMACY and the BOY IN A DENIM JACKET. Your PARTNER tells you about the WORKDAY, the lunch line at the FAST FOOD RESTAURANT, and the DRIVE to your HOME. 

You have returned to your standard LIFE. 

You are now playing as: BOY IN A DENIM JACKET. 

Upon exiting the COFFEE SHOP you walk HOME. You cross an OVERPASS. You do not jump. You cross a CROWDED INTERSECTION. You do not run against the light. The PLASTIC SHOPPING BAG holding the BOTTLE OF PAINKILLERS pendulums in your tight grip. 

SOMEONE noticed YOU today. 

You return HOME to your apartment in a comfortable part of town. You set the coffee shop NAPKIN with the STRANGER'S NUMBER on the kitchen counter. You remove the BOTTLE OF PAINKILLERS from the PLASTIC SHOPPING BAG. From the drawer beside the stove you retrieve a KNIFE THAT PLUNGES DEEP. 

The KNIFE THAT PLUNGES DEEP is not intended for your own skin. It severs the edges of the bottle's shrinkwrap and styrofoam seal. The remains of the WINE and VODKA in the lower kitchen cabinet remain untouched. 

You do not ingest the BOTTLE OF PAINKILLERS. You remove TWO TABLETS and take them with your first drink of WATER in seventeen hours. You eat an APPLE previously left abandoned at the bottom of your fridge. 

You cycle through channels of NOTHING on the TELEVISION. You wash a handful of DISHES. You water your HOUSEPLANT, remove its SHRIVELED LEAVES, and apologise for its prior SUFFERING. You retrieve your past week's MAIL. You look up at the SKY. 

You are now playing as: |________ 

In the morning you WAKE UP and perform DAILY TASKS. You express affection to your PARTNER. You care for your DOG. You perform these tasks automatically to maintain contentment in your standard LIFE. 

The BOY IN A DENIM JACKET remains a passing KINDNESS. 

You are now playing as: BOY IN A DENIM JACKET. 

In the morning you WAKE UP. 

You are ALIVE.