Turning away from that smug, supercilious face, I can feel the tightening at the back of my throat signalling the dam is about to burst. I need to get away from her, from everyone. Right now.
When will The Doughnuts get it right? When will my plan succeed? When will it be my turn to win? My stomach is burning with this hot acid of resentment and hatred. I am so over watching her avoid being caught and exposed for the world (or at least the school) to see.
Her voice catches me as I start to run, “You need help. You are insane! Leave me alone!”
I outrun the sounds, but not the pain.
Even her name makes me want to scream. This is the third time that Amy, Sarah, and I have tried to outwit her. But we have failed ... again.
Next time we will get it right, next time The Doughnuts will win. Next time we will expose Geneva for what she really is – a scheming witch with the face of an Angel, whose only goal is to hurt me.
I can’t think of anything else these days. My mind is filled with plans and ideas and images of her face looking shocked instead of perfect. Amy says I’m obsessed with my mission to bring down the ‘perfect Geneva’. But it’s just temporary.
I have missed a few assignments lately and seen more scarlet splashes over my exam papers than ever before, but soon it won’t matter anyway.
If only that bitch counsellor hadn’t upset Mom with her fake concern about my “lack of interest in class and poor test results of late”.
Watching mom’s shoulders slumping further with each heavy word falling like a stone into a previously tranquil pond almost made me give up on the plan. Thank goodness she didn’t tell Mom how I am paying too much attention in a certain class, though!
What does it matter anyway – in my greater plan?
Sometimes, though, I still feel sad. I’ll be lying in my bed and suddenly a thick blanket of darkness crushes my throat and makes it hard to breathe. My chest gets all tight and my throat hurts and then before I can stop them, the hot tears are tickling my cheeks and soaking into my pillow.
Bloody Geneva was my very best friend in primary school, but then all of a sudden, she moved away. She was gone and our friendship was over. Just like that!
I used to cry every night back then and beg my mom every day to let me stay home. School was so hard and lonely without Geneva. But mom always hugged me tight and said that I had to get back on the horse, which was stupid because I hate horses!
I don’t remember much else about that time really, except the darkness. Everything seemed grey and bleak, and it felt like the sun was always behind those big grey storm clouds that I have forgotten the name of (because I was thinking about the plan again).
Nobody wanted to be friends with ‘Krazie Katie’ after she left. Funny how the other girls only started calling me that after Geneva was suddenly whipped out of my life and packed off with her family.
And then one day she came back. Just like that! Her stepdad was promoted, and he was sent back here with the family.
I was so excited and happy, and the sun started to peek through those clouds again. My world seemed a little brighter - we would be friends again. Sisters, even!
Gritting my teeth against these unwelcome memories, I refuse to let the tears come this time. I choose instead to hold onto the anger churning in my stomach when I think about the new Geneva that arrived back at school.
My Geneva was gone, and this replacement was cold and even unfriendly at times.
It was like someone had thrown ice-cold water over my head. At first, I thought maybe she was just nervous to be back or missed her other friends. Or maybe she had forgotten about how close we were. So, I tried to remind her - a lot. Even my mom eventually started begging me to leave them alone and so I eventually did. That candle had burned out forever.
I have had to accept that she has changed and has no room for Krazie Katie in her life anymore. She has new friends and different ‘interests’ now.
So why am I so determined to expose her? Why do I want to see her fall from grace so damn badly? I have thought about it over and over trying to understand it myself.
Is it because I want her happy and easy life? Or am I bitter because of her cold indifference and even hostility at my attempts to rekindle our friendship?
Hell yes! Both of those.
That bitch thinks she is better than me because of the ‘situation’. I can feel the fire-hot poker of fury stabbing through my solar plexus when I think of Geneva and her new friends laughing at me and my “hole in the middle” life!
Yes, she actually said that!
“Katie, you are just like a doughnut. Lovely and sweet on the outside – inviting and full of promise - but empty in the middle.”
I literally couldn’t believe my ears. And that was the day I decided to form The Doughnuts with Amy and Sarah. They would help me to teach Geneva a lesson – and she would be sorry she had ever uttered those hateful words to me.
The idea is so simple, but my plan has not worked yet. All I need is for one of The Doughnuts to catch Geneva in the act. Follow her and wait until the perfect moment – and then CLICK (smartphones are the best). She is going to be sorry that she ever met me.
Just as I wish with my whole entire heart that I had never ever crossed paths with her at all!
You see, Geneva is having a … relationship … with our Maths Teacher. An improper relationship – an affair, in fact! Can you believe it!
And I am going to be the one to prove to everyone that Geneva is just like her evil witch of a mother!
They just took what they wanted all those years ago, with no consideration for anyone else’s feelings. They didn’t care that their actions destroyed our lives!
I am even going to prove it to Amy and Sarah. I am starting to get really annoyed with their weary looks and hesitation. Do I really need to still convince them of this inappropriate relationship as well?
They didn’t even stand up for me just now with that whole “Grow up” comment from Geneva, and just this morning they tried to talk me out of the whole idea again.
Come to think of it, they don’t seem too happy at being referred to as “The Doughnuts” either. I see them rolling their eyes at each other and squirming weirdly when I bring up our plans or mention our cool group name.
We need to have a serious talk about everything soon, but it’s tough to pin them down the last few weeks. They are always so busy with ‘stuff to do’ and ‘studying’ (even though we don’t have exams for ages still).
Sighing, I wipe some stray tears away. It has been a while since memories of the old days have rolled down my cheeks.
No. I am sure I am just imagining it all. My girls are obviously grateful to be part of my group – who wouldn’t be, right? Well, except for Geneva of course - and all her new fancy friends. She is the whole reason for this group in the first place – and we won’t fail again!
Okay, so I haven’t actually seen her doing anything with Mr Cooper but I know that she is in love with him – because who wouldn’t be?
Mr Cooper is the most amazing teacher ever. He is supportive and understanding, compassionate and clever, and most importantly - the most gorgeous looking man in the world! I call him BC – because he looks like Bradley Cooper … he even has the same last name!
He was there for me when I fell into that black hole that Geneva left behind. The light in my tunnel of confusion and grief. When he smiled at me, it was like the warm sun emerging from the greyness. Slowly, he made all my shadows disappear. Those Maths lessons were the only things I lived for! And now – I can’t imagine my life without him.
I know that BC is in love with me too. He is always so attentive and really cares about how I feel – and my Maths marks of course. He pretends to give everyone the same amount of attention – but I know that he is just doing that so that nobody guesses his real feelings towards me. He makes me feel so calm, happy – and loved again.
So, there is no way I am letting Geneva take him away from me!
I will catch her out – and finally, have the proof to get her expelled, and out of my life forever, so that I can have the love of my life all to myself.
Later, I smile into the darkness that welcomes me like an old friend. Hugging myself, I am going over the plan again to dethrone the ‘Queen of Hearts’.
Amy and Sarah will come around – of course, they will. They’ll even be my bridesmaids at our wedding. I can’t wait to finally be with my Prince Charming forever. I will finally have someone to always be there for me and cherish me forever and ever - and nobody is ever going to take him away from me.
No longer will there be emptiness in the middle, a hole where my heart should be. I will be whole and happy again.
Happy for the first time since Geneva left when her evil mother stole my father and they moved away.
The hatred and yearning inside make it difficult to breathe it is so strong. How I wish with every single fibre of my being that I had never met her at all!
My father would still be at home with us, and our family would still be whole.
My life would still be whole.
I will never ever forgive myself for bringing them into our lives. But my turn is coming … and Geneva will be sorry very soon.
I will not allow Amy and Sarah to abandon me now. This time The Doughnuts will not fail to get my wicked stepsister out of my life forever!