The Power of Praying Daily

My wife insisted that we pray together once a day. For me, anything that was Christ-centered was agreeable. Going back to God was always the way out for me. I resented my upbringing and felt left out of my mother’s love and the affection from my sisters. Choosing a woman in my life who sought after prayer was an easy yes. I knew that praying to get away from my mother’s control and her own favoritism toward other siblings, let alone my father’s passive behavior, was the way to go. I had a lot to overcome, and praying with a prayerful wife was a great choice.

There was a lot more in store for me, though. My wife was also human, and she had to overcome her own baggage. She was abused as a child, and she carried her father’s temper tantrums. My problems with unforgiveness and her anger turned things into a bitter clash. Praying together helped, but could it really overcome our individual pride and past hurt? Could a daily ritual, such as prayer, really bind us together more closely?

We both used success and prosperity as a way to make it easier to ‘overcome’ our past baggage. When we had a nicer car, a nicer house, a better-looking kid, and better jobs, we could compare ourselves to others and use them as a way to avoid talking about our past hurts. We could avoid our pride clashes by having enough money and discussing the next place we’d like to go. Praying together when finances provided life stability was the easiest thing to do. Of course, God seemed to want us to succeed on our own!

When we were at our high points in our marriage, however, prayer became more of a habit rather than a basic need. It felt more like God was justifying our successes instead of forcing us to work through our past and our inner pride. Since our egos weren’t getting hurt and we had enough money to make both our dreams possible, we were able to put God in the passenger seat in a supportive role while we went wherever we wanted. Our prayers became more like ‘God bless our house, car, and family. Amen!’

Then I lost my job. I couldn’t get hired elsewhere because there weren’t any vacancies. My wife’s income alone couldn’t support us. I had to take odd jobs just to get by. I started blaming her for my failures and told her I was more successful when I was single. I told her she was a curse. My wife blamed me for not being able to forgive my family for not supporting me and for constantly finding ways to cut people out of my life. The thing I wanted to avoid the most started to happen…our past problems and inner pride collided.

Not only that, our prayer life became a chore. I resented God for halting my own dreams and aspirations. I felt that God wanted me to suffer and took pleasure in it. I felt that I was born in the wrong time period because AI never gave me a chance for an interview for a job I was more than qualified to do. The only job that helped me was moving boxes at a warehouse. Even after being the number one worker, I never received a promotion because the system never auto-generated me for an interview.

I did everything and anything to succeed and make more money. I told my wife to make more money, too. Both of us worked hard, even with a demanding toddler. Yet, it was never enough. The frustrations of never having enough money kept colliding. One day, it all blew up and nearly caused a divorce.

I told our babysitter that she couldn’t come over because my wife was too proud to end an argument we were having. I forwarded the message to my wife. Furious, she cut off the babysitter completely. The next day, I left to go to the mall and forgot they were on a walk and didn’t have the keys. She called the police and accused me of leaving a child to freeze outside—even though it was only five degrees below room temperature. The police heard us screaming at the top of our lungs. They sternly told us to spend some time away from each other to cool off. Sensing my wife missed her family, I booked plane tickets for her and our daughter. I wouldn’t see them for two months. The months leading up to that, our prayer life was inconsistent and half-hearted.

While they were gone, I was drinking every night. It was the most miserable I felt since my parents’ divorce twenty years back. The haunting memories of not feeling loved growing up were more vivid than ever. All the efforts I made to impress them and not receive love made me bitter. I mean, seriously, I did so much to make a name for myself and accomplish so much. They never batted an eye. If anything, there was jealousy. They still reverted to using what power they still had to control me. No matter what kind of role model I made myself out to be, it was never enough for them. I could win the respect of my coworkers and my group of friends. Yet for the family I grew up with, I just couldn’t change them. I never felt so powerless.

I told my pastor that my wife and I used to pray together every night. I remembered some of the deepest prayers at the beginning of our marriage. I even shared the trauma I went through and what my wife went through. It encouraged me to read through the Bible on what Jesus and his disciples talked about the power of prayer. I read through Matthew and saw that Jesus drove out demons and said that it could only happen through prayer. It said in the Lord’s Prayer, ‘Give us this day our daily bread.’ Paul also said that he ‘dies daily.’ He encouraged us to ‘pray without ceasing.’ Without any power of mine to change my family and to desperately win my wife and daughter back, I started back at square one. I started praying again. I mean, really praying.

My wife, unsurprisingly, was still upset at me. I asked her what I could pray specifically about. After multiple attempts with her lashing out at me and telling me to change, she finally gave me some mutual things to pray about. I asked her if she was praying for us. To my amazement, she said she was.

When she and my daughter came back, I greeted them with flowers and hugs. I told them it was the best day of my life to see them return. We agreed to see a counselor regularly. Even though we selected a secular counselor, he ended up being a devout believer in Christ. He told us that our daily prayer together is the key foundation for couples sticking together and not letting pride take over. If we ever stopped or didn’t make a full effort and got into the habit of that, we would take God for granted. We’d start taking each other for granted. We’d stop appreciating the things we already had and start focusing on what we didn’t have. We couldn’t use each other as a funnel for overcoming our pasts. Only through the daily ritual of prayer could we see our pasts as smaller and what we already had clearer.

We started off our prayers by thanking God for what we already had. Then our prayer requests followed. I always started off thanking God for my beautiful wife, for my sweetheart daughter, for my energetic dog, and our wonderful home. Every day since I started doing that, my complaints have become fewer and my attitude has become more charming. Yes, I want more. I will always want more. I will always feel that I’m getting older and missing out on opportunities to change the world and provide more opportunities for me and my family. I have to realize, though, that I’m not in full control of what life throws at me. I am in control of my prayer life and leading my family toward gratitude instead of reminding them how other people in my life didn’t provide for me.

Before I go off to work, I work on seeing myself as the luckiest man in the world. I am thankful for having a gorgeous wife who loves me. I am thankful that we work together to provide for our small family. I am thankful that both of us are more team players than ever before. I am thankful for the opportunity to get another chance at restoring our marriage. I am thankful for a wonderful daughter who loves to give books to me to read to her. I am thankful when she finishes her food on time and willingly shares her blocks with me. I love it most when she stops me to tell me that she loves me. I am thankful for my dog, who never stops seizing an opportunity to play with his toys. His high energy and positive attitude lighten up the home. His feelings of hurt whenever we go out without him make us think of him even more. When we come home and see his joy, we can’t help but love him. I am very thankful for the home God has given us. For such a good deal at the right time to buy a home, it’s more than enough space for us. I am so grateful for getting out of the renter’s phase. I feel proud that God has used me as a vessel in buying a home so that my family can use it in more ways than I imagined. I am proud of all the yardwork I’ve done to create a massive garden in the back and keep our lawn consistently mowed. I love the feeling of looking at a clean and upkept yard.

I could easily point out the flaws that continue with me, my wife, my daughter, my dog, and my house. I could tell you more and more about my past family. However, I am in a ritual of praying daily with the family I’m with now. And I mean, really praying. How could I feel the need to focus on the flaws when I have so much to be grateful for?