Lost and Found

I was trembling like a vibrating massage tool. It wasn't possible. I didn't want to look. My landlord's words haunted my memories. "Just don't, for any reason, go into the attic." At the time I had shrugged it off. The rent was affordable and the location convenient. Everything was perfect, so why worry about the attic?

I let my eyes drift back to the attic access hatch in the ceiling and I realized my heart was pounding furiously. I could hear the blood coursing through my constricted, tense blood vessels. I watched, hardly breathing, as the door lifted gently, almost imperceptibly, into the dark emptiness above. I froze, a violent chill dancing around my flesh, as a tiny bit of light found its way into the crack revealing a jet black, spindly hand resting at the edge of the hatch. I tried to imagine what kind of dark figure might be gazing out at me from the shadows, its black eyeball boring through my soul.

Terror's grip on me didn't prevent my hand from slowly levitating toward the opening, reaching forward as my lips mouthed some breathless curiosity, some unanswerable question about the faceless creature that spied on me from the attic's void. My arm extended, my fingers reached, and in a horrifying split second a bony, dark arm shot out from the crack in the attic access door, sharp, lanky fingers grasping at me. I stumbled back, gasping for air, and in another flash I felt a strong, gentle grip on my arm and I was blinded by a powerful light that overwhelmed my senses and sent my mind into a blank stupor. The brightness faded to black, and I collapsed into nothingness.

***

"Paul," a soft voice sang to me, echoing from beyond my realm of consciousness, beckoning me to emerge from darkness. "Paul, can you hear me?" The voice was perfectly warm and pleasant, feminine and strong but familiar and close.

My eyes. I became aware of my eyes. I could feel them enveloped in my eyelids, warm and perfectly relaxed. A pleasing wash of pinkish orange color flowed into my retinas.

"Paul," the voice smiled. "I can tell you are hearing me. Open your eyes." I listened, eager for more of her sweet, welcoming tones. Anything she had to say, I wanted to hear it. But instead my ears found nothing. It was an absolute, all-powerful nothing. No chirping birds. No rushing wind. No electric hum. No rustling fabric. No rumbling air conditioner.

Then my whole body began to speak to me with another kind of eerie silence. Something was off. I could feel my blood pumping around through the many veins and arteries, and my lungs were dutifully cycling as they always did, but there was a distinctly biological silence in every cell, as though a core function of life had gone out to lunch. My mind raced nervously, concentrating its investigation on every major system in my body. Digestion appeared to be working as intended. I flexed my thighs and felt my muscles contracting and expanding as they always did at my command. Everything seemed to be in order, yet something was missing.

"Paul," the kind voice said patiently. "Open your eyes and look."

I let my lungs fill slowly, noting the completely unremarkable air that rushed through my windpipe. My nose hardly noticed anything in the air except my own subtle odor. My skin felt entirely neutral, unaware that it was surrounded by any kind of atmosphere but certainly not complaining.

At last, with my chest full and my mind eager for more information, I cracked my eyelids and attempted to take in my surroundings. A quick, gentle flood of light assaulted my senses while I blinked uncontrollably, quick flashes of pure white intermingled with splashes of sky blue, rose gold, and fleshy peach colors that swam together in a blurry soup. I brought an arm to my face, shielding my eyes from the overwhelming brightness of it all.

The woman's voice laughed gently and I felt a soft hand on my forearm. "It's OK," she said. "It might take a moment to adjust."

I groaned and cleared my throat. "Where am I?" I asked, peering at the back of my arm, which seemed to be glowing with the intensity of a welding torch, the hairs lost in a flood of light.

"Don't worry," she said. "I'll take you home again." Her gentle grip on my arm tightened slightly, and I felt overwhelmingly reassured. I didn't want to know where I was, I just wanted... a hug. A hug?

I propped myself up on the elbow that I wasn't hiding behind and squinted, trying to make out my surroundings. I was on a white bed. The floor appeared to be white as well, except for two skin-toned feet skirted by the hem of a white robe. I tried to follow the gentle ripples and folds of the fabric up, but my eyes hadn't adjusted yet. It was like trying to look at the sun. I squeezed my eyelids shut again and grimaced.

"Here," she said, her hand pulling me upright and to my feet. She released her grip but immediately her arms were around me, her hands pulling my back into her embrace. I melted into the hug, letting my own arms wrap around her soft frame. I snuggled into her silky, flowing hair. I took long, deep breaths, feeling more relaxed and calm than I had ever been in my entire life. It was all I wanted. This one hug was the only thing I would ever need. I squeezed harder, feeling as though we had meshed together like perfectly matched puzzle pieces. The warmth and affection of her hug filled my whole being with a kind of love that sloshed around in my heart, waiting to be poured out and shared.

After an immeasurable moment, I whispered, "how did you know?"

She gave me one last squeeze and released me, holding me by the shoulders at arm's length and smiling. My eyes were adjusting. I could see her plain and simple beauty. I could feel her deep, wise eyes searching my soul. "I know you like to know things Paul," she said, chuckling to herself. "Curiosity is one of your greatest gifts." She squeezed my shoulders. "It's your mirror neurons. Here, away from your mortal realm, the mirror neurons are functioning properly. You weren't the one who wanted the hug. That was me. But your mind aligned with mine the way it is supposed to, and we both wanted the hug."

I gazed at her, in shock, trying to process what she was saying. After a moment, I sputtered, "you can read my mind?"

She giggled. "No, but our minds are capable of aligning. Your brain is always capable of it here, but it's a skill you don't get to practice much on earth."

"Wait," I said. "We're not on earth?"

She grinned sheepishly. "No, I had to bring you here to get you away from the..." she paused and looked down and to her right. "Well, I had to get you out of there."

My mind suddenly recalled the dark, shadowy arm that had lashed out at me just moments before I'd blacked out. My head became a flurry of questions, a tornado of inquiries and imagined answers. "I..." My brain choked. There were too many questions.

The woman with the pleasant voice and comforting eyes smiled with her whole face. "I'm afraid I can't answer all of your questions Paul. I wish I could, but I need to send you back."

My heart began to pound. Would I have to face that creature again? Why did she pull me away to this place? Where was I? Who was she? Slowly, my questions were calmed by a new desire. It was a fundamentally life-altering urge. Unlike my desire for a hug earlier, this one felt as though it was a whole world of hopes and dreams, already built and assembled, and very much at home in my own mind.

"I..." again I could only begin the sentence before I choked, but she just smiled and waited. "Is it the mirror neurons again, this new desire?"

Her smile intensified and her eyes shimmered with tears. "No Paul, that new desire is yours, but it's one that we share. It is our desire. You could call it our dream."

"How though?" I asked. "How is it possible?"

The shimmering in her eyes jiggled and tears spilled onto her smiling cheeks. "I don't know," she said, sniffling. "But I believe we can do it." She slid her hands down my arms and took my hands in hers, looking down at them. I could feel the warmth of her flesh, the fine textures of her fingers, and her firm, loving grip. For a brief moment my mind once again felt as though something was off about her warmth, something about the way her heat transferred...

"I..." But through the morose smile on her face I could see that there could be no more questions. A sudden and brilliant flash warped and swallowed the white, featureless world and I was once again gazing up at the attic opening, stumbling back while a faint remnant of her warmth faded from my arm where she had gripped me. Entropy, I realized. That was what had been missing from that other world. Entropy! There had been no time there, no radiating heat, no sublimation. My biological functions had been present, but without the chaos of entropy. Everything had felt different because it was a world devoid of temporal movement and decay.

In slow motion I found my footing and zeroed in on the arm that had lashed out at me. It gradually retreated into the attic and I watched the door lower again until the dark crack into nothingness was gone. I took heaving, gasping breaths, my heart furiously clawing its way out of my chest. My moment of recovery blended into a new kind of excitement as my mind latched back on to the final, powerful desire that had gripped my heart just before returning to the frozen moment from which I'd been snatched.

I still had trillions of questions ravaging my poor brain. All manner of how and why formulations peppered my neurological processes. I didn't even know her name. But I knew one thing for certain. I had to find her. We needed to be together.