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Fiction Romance Happy

'Oh, dammit!' Rebecca Walsh spilled some coffee all over the paperwork on her desk. She wiped it quickly with a tissue before it reached her laptop. Then, annoyed with herself, she threw the blotted tissues in the bin before returning to her laptop and opening her email.

Slowly sipping her coffee, she scanned over her emails before stopping quickly in shock. She placed the cup carefully away from the wet paperwork before turning her attention back to the email that had gotten her attention.

'Post Adoption Contact Agreement.'

Rebecca stared at the email for a few minutes, allowing her brain to take in what she was reading.

'No. No. I didn't want any communication. This is a mistake,' she was talking to herself, 'not now,' she pleaded with the email, 'especially not now!'

She slammed the laptop shut in a hurry before grabbing her bag to get out of her office.

She quickly informed the housekeeper that she was leaving for a few hours, ignoring the concern on the housekeeper's face.

In her inability to process her thoughts, she drove and didn't notice where she was going until her car sputtered intermittently from fuel starvation. She had no recollection of time or whereabouts. All she could think about was that her son wanted to meet her after 30 years and that her life would be completely messed up with things of yesterday.

How can she right her mistakes? How does she turn back time? The innocence of youth, a seventeen-year-old saying 'no' to a handsome young man at the School Ball?

Feeling the earth under her feet made her realize she didn't know where she was. She tried to focus. Her car ran out of petrol, and she couldn't find her phone. And even if she could find it, she wouldn't be able to tell where she was.

Her thoughts started to wander off again. She could feel the familiarity of her husband, Andrew, his hand resting reassuringly on her knee. How is it that she hasn't confided in him? Why didn't she trust him when she had the chance?

The heat from the sun drove her to some shady trees. It was there that she saw it for the first time. Just ahead of her, a cliff. A path was leading to it, surrounded by rocks and bushes. But all she could feel was pain. The pain of guilt. An indebtedness towards Andrew, who has always trusted her unconditionally. How would he forgive her for this?

 She suddenly heard a voice in her mind, 'You know, if you jump now, you don't have to feel the pain anymore, and no one will ever know about your past. You won't have to tell Andrew the truth. You're the only one close to him who knows.'

Her foot was already at the edge when she heard another voice behind her. 'What a beautiful day this is!'

She spun around in fright. Behind her was a stranger who smiled with a peaceful essence. It immediately calmed her down.

'Oh, I see you saw that too,' he went on as if he couldn't see the confusion on her face, 'it's one of the wildflowers this time of year, surely the most beautiful if you ask me.'

Who asked him!

'What flower?' her voice sounded half sheepish.

He stooped down, picking the flower that bloomed brightly.

'Why didn't I notice it?' she thought to herself.

'This flower,' he held it out to her with a smile that complimented his eyes.

She took the flower. 'My car ran out of fuel, and I don't know where I am, to tell the truth.'

'Oh, but you do know. You're just afraid to go back.'

'No. I was lost.'

'Why are you running away?' the peaceful eyes were now serious.

'What do you mean?'

'Well, you wouldn't have been lost if you weren't trying to run away, would you?'

He took her hand and led her back to the safety of the coolness under the trees.

'Sometimes it's good to talk about it,' him smiling again.

She tried to compose herself, but it was out before she had a chance to think about it. Out like a burst water pipe, she was relieved to be rid of the guilt. She heard herself telling a stranger about her little boy whom she had to give up for adoption 30 years ago. How he finally found her through the adoption agency and desperately wanted to meet her and become part of her life.

The stranger sat and listened in silence, nodding his head until she finally remained silent. She looked into his eyes, and all her fear and shame disappeared. All the things of yesterday vanished like ice in the bright sunlight's warmth. There was something about the stranger that made her trust him.

 She told him why she and Andrew didn't have children. That despite all the tests over the years, this was not possible. How she received the results that made Andrew the one who kept them childless. How she told Andrew that she was the one at fault. She was always the strong one in their relationship and couldn't get herself to tell him the truth.

'He'll never trust me again. I lied to him about something so big.'

'You love your husband unconditionally. It was wrong what you did, but you did it unselfishly. You thought of your child when you couldn't take care of him, and you once again thought of your husband when you knew his heart would break if he learned the true outcome of that test. You always consider others above yourself. When are you going to start doing something for yourself? You were forgiven years ago, but you have to start forgiving yourself.'

'How do you know I was forgiven?' tears were welling in her eyes.

'I know that because you have a good heart. I can see it in your eyes,' his smile was healing, 'go, tell your husband the truth, meet your son. The truth will set you free, and only then will you find peace.'

'I feel so ashamed and guilty for what I've done,' tears were running freely down her face now.

'You feel ashamed and guilty because voices want to make you believe it. It has succeeded in making you believe all these years that it is impossible to bring out the truth and has succeeded in keeping your peace from you. It's time for you to take it back.'

She didn't answer him right away. Instead, she just sat still and waited for his words to sink in. For her hungry heart to be satisfied with the questions and doubts that had been pursuing her for so long.

When all was silent within her, she looked up gratefully and took his hand so that he could help her up. Walking back to her car, it occurred to her that she didn't know his name. She looked back to asked him, but he was gone. The stranger disappeared just as quickly as he had arrived. Her eyes looked for him across the empty field, under the shady tree where they were sitting just a moment ago, down to the cliff edge, but without success. Where did he go to so quickly? Was he even there? She hadn't seen him coming either.

Back in her car, she spotted her phone protruding slightly from between the seats. Then, looking up, she spotted a sign, with the road's name, that she missed the first time.

Andrew arrived within half an hour. Feeling safe in Andrew's arms, she felt so much lighter.

'My darling,' he whispered, 'I've been waiting for you for nineteen years to ask me for help. It's always been me asking for your help, but today you needed me, and it felt wonderful.'

That's true. She has always been the strong one in their relationship, the pillar in their marriage. Oh, how wonderful it was to be the weak one! Even after Andrew told her that he knew everything. He found out about her son and learned about the test that exposed his inability to conceive a child. But because she was so busy being strong for the both of them, she couldn't see it. It was clear that, after all, he was the strongest of the two. She was weak for the first time but didn't care.

The tears of joy and peace ran down her face as she looked lovingly up at him. The birds in the trees sang more beautifully than ever before, and the song in her heartbeat was a rhythm of happiness when she heard her husband say, 'Come on, let's meet our son.' 

September 03, 2021 03:07

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2 comments

Stevie B
11:44 Sep 07, 2021

Sanet, that was a sweet story, thank you for sharing.

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Sanet Smit
00:19 Sep 08, 2021

Thank you. :)

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