Hazels Daily Life

The alarm on Hazels phone began to sound off awakening her out of an unnatural but vivid dream of her running. Running from what she could never really figure out but the dreams were a constant reminder of how insane she had really became. She stumbled to the kitchen, her bare feet walking lightly on the cold tile floor. She hit the brew button on her outdated coffee machine and ran to take a quick shower, before heading to a job she hated but because of being an adult and having bills, she definitely needed. She threw her hair up in a messy bun, slapped her makeup on her face, sprayed a little perfume, took a deep breath and headed out the door. On her way to the elevator she spotted a small gold coin on the floor and thought it looked similar to a game token from an arcade, where they had their first date. So many years ago she thought, even though it felt like just yesterday. Standing in the elevator of her apartment building, where the so called elevator music was usually the most popular radio station, a song began to play. A song that took her all the way back to a summer night with his arms around her. She closed her eyes to take in the memories like a slow, warm, deep breath, but has the elevator doors flew back open, there she was right back without him. She began walking out of her apartment building only to look at the doorman in passing and say " Well, here we go again" with a smile even he knew was fake. Hazel hailed a taxi, she jumped in eager to get the day dealt with and was off to what she called the hole that hell didn't even want. Hazel was employed by Dave's car imports, she had taken a receptionist job, to take a break from nursing school. She just couldn't return to classes since the breakup. She took a seat at her desk and began to flip through the stacks of memos of all the tedious tasks she had to deal with that day, she came to one that said make appointment for company party at paradise plaza, and she was back, back to sitting beside him on the sofa, drinking cheap red wine and planning where they would have their wedding reception party. Her eyes slowly began to tear up and the moment in her head was gone the second she heard her boss shouting that she was late for her first morning meeting. Hazel gathered her notes, shook it off and kept pushing through her day. Her lunch time came pretty quickly, she never had much of an appetite so she grabbed a quick smoothie and decided to use the time to sit in her car and stare aimlessly through the windshield. Her mind began wandering and there he was standing in the back of her mind again, old memories flipping through her head like tv channels. Reruns of the same shows that she watches everyday. Hazel began to let the memories go out of her mind when the alarm suddenly rand for her to finish her dreadful shift. She worked through the rest of her day, doing her best to focus solely on work tasks and far away from the thoughts of him. She decided to take the bus home from work, hoping the chatter of civilians would somehow drown out the constant nagging feeling of failure. She arrived home walking past the doorman, has she started to step on the elevator, the doorman left her with the words, "Well, made it through another day right?", all she could door was give a small nod and halfway smile has the elevator doors clanged shut. She walked through her pale white front door, and set her keys in this little kitty at dish her sister bought for her birthday, she couldn't help but always think of how she hated cats every time she saw it. She tossed her jacket on the love seat and uncomfortable heels under the coffee table. She slowly trudged towards the kitchen opening the fridge door and pouring her first glass of wine. She took a big swig and headed to shower before sleeping, which she desperately always looked forward to. She turned up the hot water on full blast and let the water scold her naked skin until she was used to it, and then there he was holding her tightly, the water hitting them both, the feeling of his skin on hers was a feeling she could never replace. It was like a drug to her and she knew she would never feel it again. Her eyes opened and he was gone, all over again. Leaving her to hoard all of the hundreds of memories she had of him, that she had to relive daily without him. She never fully understood why their love story had to end, but she knew he would never be back, and knowing that she knew she could never move on. The water began to run cold so she stepped out onto the old bathroom rug, and stood in silence while a couple tears rolled down her face. She wrapped a towel tightly around her body and continued to finish her nightly routine, ending with throwing on his old college t-shirt, she never knew why she held on to pieces of him, but with him gone that's all she had was simply pieces. She crawled into bed, with the wine bottle clasped tightly in her hand, she sat up in bed with pictures of them together constantly flashing in her head. She reached over to her bedside table and grabbed the bottle of sleeping pills she kept in a special place. She through a couple into the back of her throat and took one last chug of wine. Letting her head hit the pillow she spoke a few last words before closing her eyes, " I still love you and I always will."