Taking a Chance

In May of 2020 Katharina was made redundant. She had just moved into a new flat with her partner, signed a new lease, and then the bombshell news hit. It was the beginning of Covid. Everyone around the world had gone into lockdown and the company she had been working for decided they would let all of their contractors go. "Just great", she said "what am I going to do now"?

Howard, looking up from his laptop, answered “what do you want to do? If you could start over, without any consequences or fear, what would you like to do?”

Katharina had to think about that one. She had worked in her fair share of companies. Tried lots of different roles. But she had never really felt a calling for any particular career. She had never been one of those kids who knew exactly what they wanted to be when they grew up. She had just always hoped she would find something, or that something would present itself, where she would just be able to feel happy.

Now that she was really thinking about it, when was the last time she had felt truly happy? When was the last time she did something because she actually enjoyed it? After a while she realized that the only work that had ever really brought her joy was studying at university. Researching and writing was what she really enjoyed most and found most interesting and fulfilling.

With that realization she turned to her partner and said “Howard, I want to write!”

She did some research and found a distance learning course to learn journalism on her own time from home. The program provided you with 12 modules, sent to you over so many weeks, which you could take your time to complete on your own terms. Although you had to finish within 12 months to qualify for the diploma.

Katharina was excited. “This is it. I can’t wait to do this!” she told Howard. “I’m happy for you, I know you’ll do well” he told her, smiling proudly at his partner.

While working through the modules and coursework, Katharina had also taken a day job to help bring in some money and contribute to the rent and bills. Although, that meant that the progress with her course was sometimes slower than she would have liked. “Oof, I’m exhausted! I want to write, but I’m just so tired” she told Howard one evening after work while stifling a yawn. She was a few months into the course and would have liked to have been further along, but it felt like she was doing two full time jobs at times. “I know sweety,” Howard empathized, “but you’re doing so well. Just keep doing a little bit at a time and you’ll get there in the end.” “Thanks Howard, I appreciate that. It just feels like too much sometimes. Maybe I just need a night off and I’ll get back to it tomorrow.” It was a Friday evening and they settled in to watch a rerun of an older NCIS episode. They’d both seen it already, but it was still enjoyable and very nostalgic to watch again.

After 11 grueling months, 12 modules and 9 assignments, and only 1 resubmission, Katharina was finally done. “That’s it, I’ve just submitted my last assignment!” she exclaimed to Howard excitedly. “That’s great sweety, I’m so proud of you. You’ve accomplished a lot in the last year”, he smiled back at Katharina. “What do you want to do to celebrate finishing?” he asked. “Hmm, I was thinking we could away somewhere for the weekend. Maybe Brighton? I’ve never been there and I’ve heard it’s nice,” she suggested. “Yeah, sure, I haven’t been since I was a kid. Might be nice to revisit the coast,” he replied. So, they booked an AirBnB for the following weekend, took a couple extra days off to make it an extended getaway, and went off to enjoy the sights and sounds of the beach, the pier and the local shops and nightlife.

One afternoon while they were away, Katharina absentmindedly picked up her phone and noticed an email from the college course had come in. With butterflies in her stomach she opened it to read the feedback from her tutor, which was proclaimed as a pass with ‘congratulations on passing the course’ as well. She let out a loud exclamation “Howard! Guess what? I just got my final results… I passed! I passed the last assignment and the course. I’m a Journalist!” He came over and wrapped his arms around her “that’s amazing Katharina. I knew you could do it, but you proved it to yourself as well. Now you can do whatever you want.”

But Katharina was still scared. She knew now that all she wanted to do was to be her own boss, working for herself and researching and writing to her heart’s content. But it felt like such a big and scary step to take. Was she really ready to let her day job go and be financially independent? The thought made her feel extremely vulnerable. This led Katharina to doing lots of extra research and trying to learn everything she could about the business of being a freelancer. How to start? How much to have as a savings buffer? How to pitch? How to find clients? How to draw up an invoice? It all felt like incredibly important things she needed to know and understand fully before she was ready to start working on her own for herself, or before she could risk giving up her day job and financial stability.

Eventually Katharina realized that she was just putting off the inevitable. All these extra steps and tasks and bits of learning she was doing were just ways of procrastinating and keeping her from taking the plunge to actually start the career of her dreams. Because, why? She was afraid of failure? Scared that people would not be interested in working with her or reading her work? It was all in her head. Anxiety and irrational thoughts were stopping her from actually doing what she longed to be able to just do. What she should do is talk to her partner. Tell him what she wanted to do, what she hoped to gain from doing it, and then they could decide how to manage their home life together.

So, that is exactly what she did. Katharina and Howard sat down and had a long talk about the next steps that she wanted to take in her career to start working as a freelance writer. He was very supportive and encouraging, as he had always been all along the way, and, after they had discussed all the details, Katharina felt a lot better. She felt like a weight had suddenly been lifted off her shoulders. She had shared her problems and fears and now knew not only what she wanted to do, but how she was going to put it into action and get started. And having talked about her fears with her partner made them feel, if not less real, at least less imposing and intrusive to her.

Trying to make decisions to change your life and career can be a very challenging endeavor. But once Katharina sat down and talked about it and laid out her ideology for her dream career, it all felt fairly simple and easy. Yes, it’s always going to be a bit nerve-wracking to make any big changes in your life. In the long run, though, it can be the most amazing and rewarding choice you ever make for yourself. As Katharina reminded herself, even if you are worried, just acknowledge your feelings, consider them and whether they are warranted or not. And if they are not, let them go and take the next step into your new life.