The Diary of Nikki Sullivan

Friday, October 18, 2024

Today, a number of us were furloughed from the plant. Thirty minutes before quitting time they called twenty-five of us into a conference room where most of us had to stand while they delivered the news. Most of us saw it coming. So many of our jobs were becoming automated, but we were hoping it was to help meet an increase in demand. We were working twelve hours a day, six days a week just a week ago, but with these machines running twenty-four-seven, they caught up with ease and made many of us expendable.

 I have been with the plant since graduating high school three years ago. It’s good pay for unskilled labor but being unskilled leaves me vulnerable in a highly competitive job market. I have bills to pay - rent, utilities, gas, groceries, phone, and insurance. I’m not sure what I’m going to do about health insurance. Our HR representative told us to go to the unemployment office and file for benefits. I’ll do that Monday. Hopefully they can help.

Monday, October 21, 2024

I waited at the unemployment office for two hours, spending a total of three and a half hours there to find out all I’ll get is three hundred dollars a week. It’s a far cry from what I was taking home with overtime at the plant.

I searched the internet for jobs. There is not much out there that is no experience. Most places want a degree plus several years of experience. There are plenty of fast-food and retail jobs, nothing that pays enough to cover my bills, especially when you figure in taxes and health insurance. I applied for a bartending position at one of the local watering holes. I’m an attractive girl. Maybe I can rustle up enough tips doing that if I flirt enough. I hope I get it. Even if I get it, it looks like I might have to work two jobs to cover my expenses.

Friday, October 25, 2024

Good news and bad news today and I’m so pissed right now, the good news hardly matters. My boyfriend told me he doesn’t love me anymore and broke up with me. He packed his belongings and joined the Marines, leaving me with one hundred percent of the bills. I don’t know how somebody wakes up one day and decides that. He had to have been rolling it around in his head for a while. He could have talked to me so we could have worked something out. I mean, I am flexible. If there were things bothering him in the relationship, we could have worked through them. Instead, he enlists behind my back, breaks my heart, and leaves me financially screwed.

My mom is struggling to get by in her little studio apartment, but my dad has plenty of money and space. I called him to see if he could either loan me some money or put me up for a little while. I got a lecture about being too old to be his responsibility and that I should have been more frugal with my money. He said he didn’t want my problems affecting his new family and my being there disrupting his home. Thanks dad.

I guess the good news is that I landed two jobs. I’ll be opening as a server at Lucia’s Diner from five a.m. to one p.m. then closing at Main Street Pub as a bartender from four p.m. until close. Goodbye sleep, and goodbye social life.

Thursday, November 28, 2024

This is the first time I have been off from both jobs at the same time and, of course, it’s a holiday. My mom went to see her mom and sisters, so I’m not with her today. My brother invited me over, but I’m so exhausted I declined his invitation. My bills are getting paid, sometimes late, but my head is above water.

I hate working at Lucia’s. I have a hard time dragging myself out of bed and getting there on time, which has Lucia all over me from the moment I walk in the door. My drunk customers at the bar have better manners than some of these old fogies waiting on their coffee. The place is packed every morning and understaffed. I bounce from table-to-table trying to take orders, solve problems, meet their requests and demands, and serve their food all by myself. I’ve taken up smoking to calm my nerves. I treasure my one break so much now.

I love the bar. It’s an upbeat atmosphere with music and social people to talk to. They are mainly men, so if I’m cute, flirty, and personal, I walk out with good tips, unlike Lucia’s. Sometimes guys get a little too free-spirited with their requests when they’re drunk. I’ve been offered money to dance with them, dance for them, give them my bra or panties, and one guy said he’d pay good money to drink the water I bathe in – gross! But it’s fun and pays for most of my bills.

Wednesday, December 18, 2024

I quit Lucia’s today. I couldn’t get out of bed for the life of me and was ten minutes late. Lucia was waiting tables when I got there, so I knew she was going to be furious. She threatened that if it happened again, I’d be fired. I apologized. Maybe not sincerely, but I apologized. The customers were on my nerves from the get-go, especially the old men who like to call me darling and sweet cheeks. They always have a comment or two about how easy my job is and how I should be doing it better so they can stiff me on my tip. Then there were some guys about my age. I guess they thought they were god’s gift to women. They kept flirting with me in rude, chauvinistic ways. One slapped me on the rear after I dropped off their order and I went off on him. Lucia, in turn, went off on me. I swore at her, threw my apron at her, and walked out. It was rather impulsive, but enough was enough. I don’t like people touching me.

Since I was out of a job I needed, and still needed cash, I called Ronnie, the regular at the bar who said he’d pay for my bath water. I didn’t know if he was drunk and joking or if he was serious – I mean, who knows these days. He said he was serious, that he was a freak like that and not ashamed. He made an offer of five hundred dollars. I couldn’t refuse. I have a jar of bathwater sitting here on my nightstand that he wants me to bring with me to the bar tomorrow.

Thursday, December 19, 2024

I gave Ronnie his bathwater today. He was very excited. He asked what made me change my mind and I explained what happened at my other job. He suggested a solution I had never considered – an OnlyFans site.

At first, I laughed. I’m just a small-town girl from the mid-west. I know I’m an attractive girl, but never saw myself as the type of girl who could profit from her looks. Ronnie said a lot of talk around the bar is of guys wanting to see me naked. He reminded me that there were offers to see me dance and for my under garments. He said requests can get weirder than that, but some of the girls who run those pages are making millions.

I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I’m going to try it.

Saturday, January 4, 2025

I started my page last month and Ronnie spread the word around the bar, gaining me instant support. They told their friends, bringing in more fans. I posted teasers on all the social media platforms and that has led to huge dividends. I was timid at first, but as the cash came rolling in, I loosened up. So far, I’ve made more in two weeks than I had working two months at two jobs.

My web presence has boosted business at the pub as well. Granted, some of these guys aren’t the most social, but they are willing to come in and buy a beer to meet me in person. Harvy, the owner, knows and doesn’t mind. The people I keep this from are my parents and friends, people who I now have time to spend with again.

Monday, February 3, 2025

I moved mom into a bigger apartment today and took over some of her bills to help out. She was thankful, but suspicious. I went from working two jobs, struggling to pay my bills, to driving a Mercedes and dressing in the latest fashions. I told her that I started drop shipping online in addition to working at the bar. I’m not sure if she believed that, but she accepted it.

Tuesday, April 22, 2025

Just closed on my first home. Huge party this weekend to celebrate.

I’m going to quit the bar. I’m putting in my two weeks' notice tonight. I’m going to enroll in college, probably online, and get a degree in social media marketing. I’m going to continue with my OnlyFans page while I’m in school, putting aside as much money as I can. Realistically, I can’t do it forever, but what else am I going to do for the time being? I hate lying to everyone, but I don’t want to be judged by my friends or have my family ashamed of me. My friends are questioning things. They looked into the drop shipping and realized it doesn’t pay what I’m spending. I’ve been asked if I’m dealing, stripping, and whoring myself out. Of course, I said no to all three, but I questioned myself – what am I doing?

Saturday, May 10, 2025

Got a visit from my dad today. He was not impressed with how I was doing for myself. Apparently, my perverted little stepbrother and his geeky little friends found my page. Dad found them salivating in front of the computer after school. Dad called me every name in the book, but I think it’s more of a testament to him as a father than me as a person. I mean, if not me, then the little weirdos would have been gawking over someone else. He demanded that I take it down immediately. I told him to F-off and reminded him that he put me in the position to do such a thing. I told him I have plans and goals and that I depend on this for the time being. I told him he was never there for me when I needed him and that he had no right to decide how anyone gets by in the world after abandoning me and mom. He said I was a loser and would amount to nothing, it didn’t matter what my plans and goals were. He told me that one day my looks would be gone, and I’d be left living off the government just like my mother and all the other losers in the world. I snapped and started hitting him. He shoved me to the ground, and I yelled for him to get out of my house. He left with a slam of the door. I think that will be the last time we will ever speak.

Sunday, May 11, 2024

Mom called crying today. Dad called her and told her everything. Mom pleaded with me to stop and go to church with her to confess my sins. Catholicism never stuck with me. As a kid it was something I was forced to do. As I got older, I wasn’t sure if I believed everything they were teaching. None of it made sense to me. So, it just struck a nerve when she brought up sins. I tried to tell her I was barely getting by working two jobs, one of them I hated. I tried to tell her how horrible I felt never getting any sleep. I tried to tell her how I could never go back to living like that when I didn’t have to, but she wouldn’t hear it. She didn’t care about my plans for the future. She gave me the ultimatum that if I don’t stop, then she is going to disown me. I cried and told her that wasn’t fair. She said no daughter of hers is going to live the devil’s lifestyle. I explained to her that it’s temporary, a means of survival, and that someday I hope she changes her mind.

Monday, May 26, 2025

Word has spread that I have an OnlyFans page and that’s how I make a living. I found out the hard way when I went to my friend’s, George and Melissa’s, for a Memorial Day barbecue. The teasing was relentless and one of their friends propositioned me for sex. He followed me to the bathroom and waited outside. He wouldn’t let me out of the bathroom and was very persistent, to the point I thought he was going to force himself on me. If George hadn’t of come by needing the restroom, I don’t know what would have happened.

On the positive side, I met a guy – Collin. He’s ruggedly handsome but polite and gentle, has a great sense of humor. He asked me out for steaks and some line dancing next weekend. I said yes.

Friday, May 30, 2025

Collin and I had a blast this evening. He’s eleven years older than I am but you would never be able to tell by the way we get along. After dinner and dancing, he drove me out to one of his pastures (he inherited a ranch from his grandfather) and cozied up in the bed of his truck to look at the stars and talk. He said he doesn’t care about what I do for a living, saying we all have to do what we have to do to get by. He thinks I’m smart for going to school and having a plan for my future, agreeing that nobody can run an OnlyFans page forever. I ended the night feeling smitten. I felt like I was seen and heard for the first time in a long time. I wasn’t judged and I wasn’t ashamed.

Friday, July 4, 2025

Collin and I have been seeing a lot of each other over the past month. Today I was invited to a family barbecue and one hell of a fireworks display. I got to meet his family. His mom treated me like one of her daughters from the moment I arrived. His sisters are pretty, high-spirited girls, so we got along like we’ve known each other our whole lives.

They didn’t judge me for my profession. Collin had told them all about me beforehand. His mom even admitted to stripping through college to pay her tuition. It was at college that she met Collin’s father (who died in a car accident three years ago) and fell hopelessly in love. She said she came from a poor family and had to do what she had to do for the sake of her future, so she understands my situation. It was refreshing to talk to someone who truly understands.

With Collin, I feel I’ve found a place in this world where I can unapologetically be me. I can focus on a future where my kids won’t have to do the things that I have had to do to get by in life. I really like this guy, and his family. I really hope it goes somewhere.

Saturday, August 30, 2025

It’s my birthday and for the first time I’m really missing my mom and brother. Usually, we all get together and have dinner and play cards, something I always look forward to. This year, they did not accept my calls.

Collin took me horseback riding up through the hills and down into the valley where there is a breathtaking waterfall that has to be twenty feet high. We had a picnic there where he gifted me a diamond necklace. It looks amazing on me. I absolutely love it. He proposed that we move in together. He said he is ready for me to be in his life every day, because every day all he thinks about is seeing me. Feeling the same way, I said yes.

We decided to keep the ranch. I mean – it has been in the family for generations, so it was a no brainer. So, Monday I am going to put my house on the market. I’m then going to sell a lot of my stuff. He said I can decorate the house however I want, and I have so many ideas running through my head I can’t keep them all straight. I’m so excited right now, I can hardly contain myself.

Wednesday, September 10, 2025

I shut down my OnlyFans page. There’s no need for it anymore. I don’t even have to work while I finish up my degree.

Saturday, October 18, 2025

We went horseback riding today to take in the fall colors which were stunning. We stopped at our spot at the waterfall to eat. Before we did, Collin got down on one knee and proposed. I wept with joy. What a difference a year makes.