Just in Time

Dear My Mistress,

This is my confession, and it is not a confession of love. That is long past due, for I cannot simply stay put and not write something on it. To someone whom I hold in my heart forever, I write this as a confession for my painful upbringing as to what I am now. And to what I am to face.

I still miss you, everyday. But on a day just like this one. I met you. I gaze out the window and see the snow falling on the ground, pockets of people formulate outside of this motel that I stay in. People in business uniforms, with the stresses of the world weighing down upon them like their life depends on each and every problem they face. Which is non the less true, a part of the job. I see people in cars, driving along. Perhaps to work, perhaps home, perhaps to that special someone, who knows. Nice trucks and cars, Ram's and Porsche's. Great to see that people still hold some form of money. I see people in a newfound relationships, beckoning my heart to send this letter to you. Before I find my fate catching up to me. Their smiles and laughter sicken me. For I know what once was you and I, and I know that I have placed the knife upon my gut that rips me so. The weights on my heart that complace me to a chair in misery.

I was not a good man to you, surely me being 23 and you being 17. Doesn't abode well to the societal rules but we didn't care. For on a night stricken in snow you came to me. You said unto me, hey, how are you doing? With the sweetest of voices, only one could ever imagine. And it kills me to remember that voice that said that unto me for I know I may not hear it ever again.

Just in the right place at the right time, I heard that cry and I said. Well, I'm fine now, you made me feel better simply asking that. And we hit off without a hitch. I remember, you used to leave your house late at night just to see me. I have no idea how you got out of your house without waking a soul. But you did, I just got to love that about you.

But that is not what I write about here today, I write about my escapades with you. Your parents used to hate us ever so much. I couldn't stand them, they didn't know how I felt about you. And they didn't know the things we used to do.

Oh how I remember the dining and fining we used to do in my house. It was great, all in the comfort of my own home.

When they said, you can't stay over there anymore. I was furious. And I thought about it for a long time. And I just couldn't bring myself to do something drastic.

So I write this at the exact time while your at school. You have no idea what kind of surprise I have for you. Something, ever so special.

I could say I am guilt ridden, misery may fill my heart for doing this. But it is the only way we can stay together, forever. I just couldn't wait. I just couldn't. I hear knocking. So I may have to end this shortly.

-Love Samuel.

Dear Samuel,

Words can't express what I write here, to fill in the cracks that make your letter more than just an expression of emotions.

I loved you, I didn't think I could've but I did. You called me your mistress forever, that you would never leave me. But you did leave me, you left me with something I have to pick up from.

You took my innocence with deniable permission. I let you do those things to me because I didn't want to make you leave me. I knew you would be mad if I denied you. And I just let you have me, and have me, and have me. Because I wanted to give you what you wanted. Even though I enjoyed it, I didn't like it. I didn't want it. I wanted love, when we could make that love. But your mind consumed you, no, you LET your mind consume you. You drove yourself crazy over me. Did you really love me?

I think not, you can't love something so much to do what you just did. And I don't care if you feel a guilt. That's bullshit. You wanted to steal not just my innocence, but also something I DID hold dear to me.

I didn't know you kept a gun, and I didn't know you would go that far. You took something you can't replace. You took something that I will never have again. You took more than just my innocence, you took my family away from me. You took what I could've kept with me forever and ever. And not you, forever and ever.

You written your letter in an expression to say, "Hey I'm sorry I killed your parents, but I still love you."

Fuck you. You took my innocence when I wanted to keep it. You took my parents when I wanted them in my life. And what's worse, you took my heart. But your own mind drove you insane over me, and it brought out the worst in you. And I always thought, I saw the best of you.

You were dear to me Samuel. My parents said that they would love to have you for dinner, not that I wasn't to come over. They wanted YOU too come over. So they could see what kind of person you were.

-From Sarah.

-Investigators Case File #00129

It is revealed unto us as investigators and private investigators of the law. That a 23 year old man and a 17 year old girl fell madly in love. And the man named Samuel, raped the teen and killed her parents. He will be put in confinement and will face the court when his time comes. On the contrary, this news came to the teen while she was at school. We found the letter on the Motel #11, room #23's desk. And delivered it too her, so she could know the news. The first letter he written was not his true confession. His confession was in the second letter. He apparently KNEW he grew infatuated with her, and he couldn't control himself when he was around her. He just couldn't help himself to be so, foreign. It is not an uncommon case for a man to do this kind of thing. What IS strange is that he knew he was infatuated with her, he knew he would do something like this. He grew afraid of himself because his mind would not let go of her, or the thoughts of her parents. He really would've like to go to that dinner, but his mind consumed him and he just couldn't go and have a steak dinner.

A psychologist needs to be sent in from State. Maybe we can find an idea of what went through this mans mind. The evidence solves the mystery completely. From the bullets, to the struggle, and down the letters. We've taken the second letter as evidence.

But what really stuck with the station is this,

"I loved her, I loved her ever so much. It killed my heart being not around her. I thought originally how sweet, I really like a girl so much to where I can't forget about her. But I couldn't let my mind get off her, I felt so much guilt for taking her virginity. I thought in my mind, awesome! I may finally have my cherry popped. But I felt so much shame, I felt so much guilt. To where it literally killed people. And my guilt is killing me. All because I popped the wrong girls cherry.

How foolish I am..."

"It's really strange, his guilt got to him so much to where he killed. Isn't a killing something you feel guilt for after? Know one knows what went into Samuel's mind. But the innocence of a young girl was taken by him, he wanted it so bad, but when he finally got it. He felt shame for having it.

Well, this was the letters of Samuel and Sarah. At the moment he finished his writing of the second letter, a noose was tied around his neck. Just in time so the police could stop his suicide. And just on que that when the first letter was sent to Sarah. Samuel started writhing in non visible pain. He started seeing images of God, Jesus, Satan, Buddha, and everything that is religious. His mind drove him to look at a window, and find that the world around him was out to get him. But the police saved him right?

Well, they came just in time so the insanity could kick in."

-A prompt from The Courier.