Seeing Love

I knew you never loved me.

The words were a mistake. As soon as she said them, Amy knew it. She hadn’t intended to attack Daegan, but thrown words couldn’t be hauled back.

Not trusting what she’d say next, Amy fled from Daegan’s disbelieving look. Her volcanic anger wasn’t his fault. It scorched everything.

She didn’t know where she was going when she got in her car. Just that she wanted to drive until the aching stopped. From the day’s heat, her skin felt afire making her longed to tear off her clothes and plunge into icy waves.

Though it should have been a longer drive, as she was still restless, she parked when she reached the lake. The magic of the fresh water always seemed to draw her.  So much that for the longest time, she couldn’t imagine Daegan being the right man for her as she’d not met him anywhere near the lake’s sandy shore.

As evening was falling there were few customers at the food truck and only a few more at the ice cream stand. And none in the empty space where Amy imagined putting a fruit trolley. It seemed stupid now. Whoever heard of selling fruit at the beach. Or of an uneducated woman like her owning a business.

She sent Daegan a ‘sorry’ text and went to sit one of the sun-warmed boulders that lined the shore and watch the waves. She filled her lungs as the water roll out and exhaled as the water drew back. Matching her breathing to the tide's ebb and flow, attuned herself with nature and all of life.

The air was still warm and through her deep breaths she could taste sweetness of the river. This had been her favorite place. She’d brought Daegan here and made it their place. If there were records for self-destructing, she’d broken it that day. How could she have been so stupid. Above the pounding waves, shrieking gulls sliced the lake’s rhythm.

Everything began at the lake. It was where she’d sat with Daegan dreaming of opening her own perfect business. Everyone she asked agreed a fruit stand on the beach was sure to make money. People going swimming would rather eat an apple than a deep-fried Mars bar. But none of, including weeks of praying and reciting affirmations, mattered. The bank meeting had been at ten o’clock that morning. By eleven, the loan officer shattered her dreams with “but what’s your business experience?”

She’d left feeling like a scolded child. All her plans were ruined including those for the day. With the money, she’d have ordered flyers and picked out the perfect food trolley. Stalked victorious into Tim Hortons and given her two weeks notice.

All she wanted to do was talk with Daegan. She texted to let him know what happened. And then stared at his, “its going to be ok.” That wasn’t response she wanted.

The day dragged. Had she been single, she would have comforted herself with cigarettes. But as Daegan wouldn’t have approved, she bought ice cream and spent the miserable day watched cat videos and waiting for four-thirty.

 When Daegan finally held her, his comfort was all wrong. He didn’t agree it was ridiculous that she needed business experience to open a first business. How was she suppose to get business experience if they wouldn’t let her have a business? Or condemn the bankers as blind for not seeing the fabulous potential of a beach fruit stand. Instead, he tried coxing with soft words before she was in a mood for a solution.  How she wished away the whole horrible day.

He’d looked so hurt by her words.  I knew you never loved me.

She didn’t know why she’d said them. It was nothing she’d planned. And her driving off couldn’t have helped.

Maybe it was because she’d always had a different vision of the man of her dreams. How her fantasy man would notice her as she sat out somewhere watching waves crash in front of her and sweep her away into a magical world.

Daegan had never been the man of her dreams. He’d only noticed her because her car had a flat tire. Likely noticed the car more than her. Never noticed if she changed her hair or bought a new dress. Rarely knew what to day to cheer her up. No matter his good intentions, he always seemed to say the thing that would most annoy her. She certainly beaten him this night as far as saying the wrong thing.

A fantasy man always knew right thing to say and do. The perfect gift to buy and when she wanted to be swept away and rescued. No fantasy man would side with heartless bankers over her. But in fantasy, heroes bought the whole beach and fired all men working in the bank.

But Daegan was a real man, and she knew he loved her.

She thought of driving back, but couldn’t seem to leave her perch. There was feeling in the air that no matter what, she was where she was supposed to be and that something important was going to happen that would change her whole destiny.

She checked her phone, but there was no response to her last text.

It was starting to get dark and a chill was sweeping off the lake.

What would she do if he refused her apology? She didn’t even understand why she’d lashed out, how could she expect him to?

“I figured you might be here.”

“Daegan.” Amy jumped to wrap her arms about the man she loved. A warm breeze wrapped about them as he spun her about. She always knew she’d meet someone important here by the water. Just she didn’t know it would be the man she was already with. She looked at Daegan and when he smiled she felt as though seeing him for the first time.

“I brought you coffee,” he said.

Amy laughed.

“Its starting to get cold out here.”

“It’s a perfect night now that you’re here. Look the moon is coming out.” A full moon began rising over across the lake.