Missing her.

Another cold morning. Another rude awakening by the sunlight. My house is full of windows, and on a sunny day like this, the rooms are filled with radiant sun; the opposite of how I’m feeling. Empty.

Oh! What a terrible day it is. I don’t even know the last time I’ve ever been this sad. I can’t even bring myself to get out of bed. Not since she left me.

I will just lay here, hoping my love will come back to me.

I haven’t left the house in days? Weeks? Months? I’m not even sure anymore. It’s also been that long since I’ve seen anyone. I don’t know how to go on.

I walked around my house for a while, perhaps finding something to amuse me. But alas, nothing does the trick. Only I do the tricks – I am a clown. Alone. An alone clown.

I lay on the couch dreaming of the past’s better days. It was so great back then when it was her and I. We would go on dates, hang out in the home, see family and friends. Those were truly the days. It’s hard to keep moving forward when you know the best is already far behind.

The sun is too bright for this melancholic day. Sadly, I don’t know how to lower the window shades; she always did that for me.

I look out the window to pass the time. Time: the endless pool of circles I like to call it (because it’s pointless). A bird? A bird! A red bird flying from the tree to my window sill. I hate birds! It is tormenting me. It knows. It knows I won’t go outside because I can’t. Not without her.

I need her. I love her. I miss her.

I wasn’t always like this. I used to be happy, playful, and joyous. She and friends and family always told me how great I was. I would entertain children at familial gatherings, and always hold a great conversation with the adults. Maybe I really am a clown. To hell with those people. And to hell with her! The bird flew away. Screw everyone! I don’t ever and won’t ever leave this house again!

A man walks down the sidewalk – I’m able to see from my position looking out the window. He looks familiar, and I call to him, but he does not answer. He sees me. I see him see me. I see him see me calling to him. He stops for a moment, chuckles a bit, then keeps walking. What a fucking prick.

This day keeps getting worse and worse. I am just too sad to do anything to lift my spirits. I miss my love, and she is gone! Gone forever, probably! It felt like just yesterday we were cuddling on the couch, watching a movie while she played with my hair. So much love, and I’ll never have it again. How could she just leave me? No explanation or anything. How could she do that?!?

Ahhhhhhh!

I ripped an object we both shared love for in half: a stuffed toy elephant. She said she got it for us in Africa – whatever that is. It was a symbol of our love. And I destroyed it. Maybe it was my fault she left. Maybe I am the problem. What am I doing wrong?!?

At this realization, I walked back over to my bed. I will go back to sleep and hope this nightmare ends when I awake.

Thank goodness, at least there are still some things left in this piece of shit world I can enjoy. I love my bed. I lied down. As I lay here, memories come flooding in like the waves of pain I felt when I realized she left me. I remember the good ole days.

One day, we were hiking through a vast city. A metropolis, so it seemed. I forget the name of the city, but it was a splendid day. We reached a wide-open park in the middle of the city, it was magnificent. The sky was blue, and the wind was calling for us to run. And we did! Like children again, we frolicked through the field, and it was beautiful. I knew then like I know now how much I love her.

That memory brought me a bit of joy, enough to get me out of bed to go get water. On my walk to the kitchen. I heard something. A very peculiar something. Someone was at the front door! I heard the persons footsteps walking up. Could it be? Could it be her?

Then, I heard the footsteps walking away from the front door, and in complete and udder disbelief, my instincts kicked in. I sprinted to the window to see who was walking away. Alas, it was the mailman. My hopes crushed once again. As I saw the mailman walking away, I didn’t hold back my frustration. I screamed at him. Howled, even. Cursing and blabbering, but it was pointless. He couldn’t hear me. And just like her, he left. I’m such a fool. I really thought it was her. I thought she was finally coming back to me.

That bitch! How could she make me love her so strongly and then leave me like this. I don’t know how much more thought of this I can take. Please, if there is a God out there, let me fall asleep, and wake me up with this nightmare being, in fact, a nightmare, let me see her again! Please, bring her back to me, God! End my pain and suffering! Let me rest.

And then, he fell asleep.

30 minutes later, he woke up to the sound of keys jingling at the front door. The door then swung open, and just like that, she was back.

“Hi my baby!”

He sprinted over to her. He showered her in welcoming kisses, forgetting all about his previous dread and depression. His tail was wagging so hard he nearly flew up into the air!

“I missed you baby boy!”

After a quick trip to the gym, owner and woman’s best friend were reunited once again, and they lived happily ever after.