Your Deepest Desire

ADOPT A SPIRIT, read the bold, eye-catching ad. MAKE YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE. 

Click. 

A sleek website popped up, the dark red colour scheme alluring and seductive. The image of a beautiful woman with flowers adorning her hair appeared in the centre of the screen. Scrolling down, in an elegant black font it read: 

It’s fate that we meet

I’ll make all your dreams come true

No surprise fees or overpriced subscriptions

No need for painful surgery

Only your devotion

The price of £299.99 £99.99 flashed underneath the words in bright red. 

Scrolling further down led to dozens, if not hundreds, of glowing testimonies from ecstatic customers. 

At the bottom of the page was a phone number. 

Hi 

The response came almost instantaneously. 

Welcome. I am Desiree. What is your wish? 

I wish to be beautiful 

***

“Hey Susie, you okay?” 

Susie hurriedly closed the tab on the computer. She set her phone on the desk, screen down, and smiled meekly at her colleague. “Oh, I’m fine. Just reading a novel online.” She gestured half-heartedly at the screen.

Noticing her distracted expression, Claire stopped what she was doing and leaned in closer.

“Are you sure? You seem a bit out of it,” she said. “Is it Matt?” She took Susie’s silence as a cue to continue.

“You’ve been together for what, almost 10 years?” A nod. “He still hasn’t proposed?” Susie shook her head. Claire sighed. “You always talked about getting married, Suze. If you don’t see a future with Matt, it’s better to end things now before you invest even more precious time into the relationship. You should be with someone who wants the same things as you.” Claire grabbed her clipboard and gave Susie a reassuring pat on her arm before heading off to do her rounds. Susie watched her go, unease settling in the pit of her stomach.

***

The tantalising aroma of hot dogs and pies enveloped Susie’s senses as she stepped into the dimly lit diner. Although open 24 hours, it was never busy, and she was thankful for that after a long day of work. However tonight, the peaceful atmosphere was shattered by the raucous laughter and chatter coming from a group of loud women sitting in one of the corner booths. Their voices echoed off the walls and drowned out the sound of the jukebox that played softly in the background.

The employee behind the counter spotted her and waved. He was a kind student from the nearby university who always greeted her with a warm smile. “Hey, Susie! Your usual?”

Susie quickly waved back. “Yes, please! Thank you, Adam.”

While waiting patiently for her food, she couldn’t help but overhear the lively conversation of the four women. Out of curiosity, she glanced over her shoulder, trying to get a glimpse of their faces.

“He was so into you! He was literally stuck to your side all night,” the redhead of the group gushed.

The woman she was addressing giggled. “Oh, please, you know what those trust fund babies are like. As if he could get this.” She tossed her long black hair aside haughtily. “And little does he know, it’s his dad I’m interested in.” The group erupted into laughter, clinking their glasses together in cheers.

Susie shifted her weight from one foot to the other, unaccustomed to such crude discussion. How vulgar, she thought with a scornful sniff. But deep down, she felt a twinge of envy and stole another glance at the women, wishing she could be as confident and carefree as them. She couldn’t help but compare their perfectly coiffed hair and impeccable makeup to her own plain appearance. Susie always knew her looks were unremarkable and therefore never put much effort into it, telling herself that personality was more important. Although, she thought bitterly, it wasn’t like she had much going on in that department either. She was shy, uncomfortable in social situations and always blending into the background. A pushover who never had the courage to stand up for herself.

“OMG, your nose is looking great.”

“I’ll take you with me next time, babes. Doctor Andrews is the best plastic surgeon out there. He did an amazing job, if I do say so myself.”

“Hey, what’s up with you? You’ve been wearing those shades all night – another breakup?” the one with short black hair asked. Sitting next to her, the woman sporting a pair of oversized sunglasses shifted uncomfortably, silent.

The redhead rolled her eyes. “So what? You’ve got the looks to get any guy you want, so stop sulking.”

“Nah, she just got a blepharoplasty,” the long-haired woman sniggered next to her. “I told her to go to my guy, but this idiot didn’t want to overspend so she went for the cheaper option and got duped.” She tutted. “Now it’ll take longer to heal, and meanwhile it looks like there are two bellybuttons on her face.” This elicited another round of laughter from the three women, and the sunglass lady scowled.

“Don’t you just want to slap her?” the redhead spluttered.

“It’s exhausting being a woman,” short-haired lady remarked with a dramatic sigh. “Look at what we have to go through for the sake of our faces.”

Suddenly, the redhead’s eyes met with Susie’s. Shit. Susie didn’t realise she had been staring and quickly looked away, feeling her face flush.

“Oi. What are you looking at?” Susie felt the woman’s glare piercing the back of her head. She wished she could melt into the ground.

“Keep your voice down,” the short-haired woman muttered.

“Why?” This was long-haired lady. “If you want to listen, go ahead,” she called over to Susie, her tone venomous. “I hate people who eavesdrop, all sneaky like.”

“Forget it, guys.” The short-haired woman spoke up again. Susie could hear the smugness in her voice. “When you don’t have the looks, you gotta live vicariously through those who do.

“Any guy who ends up with someone like that is bound to suffer,” she continued, “I mean, if he doesn’t turn off the lights at night, how can he even stand it?” The group roared with laughter.

Susie stood there with her back to them, fists clenched. Shame washed over her violently and she felt her back burn in embarrassment and angry tears prick at her eyes. Just then, Adam came back with her order packed neatly in a paper bag, as always. “Here you go. Clam chowder for two.” He leaned in. “Don’t listen to them,” he whispered. He gave Susie a sympathetic look. She plastered on a smile, trying to hide the turmoil inside.

***

The apartment was dark and silent when Susie finally arrived home. She flipped on the lights and set her keys down on the counter with a yawn.

She found Matt already dozing off on their bed, grumbling softly at the disturbance. She climbed up and nestled beside him, resting her head on his shoulder. “Asleep already?”

“Hmm. You’re back,” he mumbled.

“I bought chowder. Want some?”

He grunted and shifted away with a slight frown. “No, thanks. Have it yourself.”

Susie bit her lip, thinking. She then reached over and slid a hand up her boyfriend’s shirt, teasing him with small playful kisses on his cheek, his neck, her fingers tracing the outline of his muscles as she made her way down to the waistband of his boxers.

The rustle of sheets mixed with his discontented grumbles as he pushed her away. “Suze, I need to work tomorrow. Let’s just sleep.”

“Matt-“ Susie closed her eyes in defeat, her heart sinking as he turned his back on her and pulled the duvet tight around himself.

She lay still for a long time. The doubts and fears that had been nagging at the back of her mind were now coming to the forefront. Was Matt still attracted to her? She always believed that he valued her for who she was and didn’t care about her outer appearance, but now that seemed to just be naïve thinking. He never had any interest in being intimate anymore and was becoming increasingly cold towards her. Her mind travelled back to the words of those women in the diner. No. She didn’t want what they were saying to be true. Matt loved her; it was their busy workloads and her constant night shifts that had been keeping them distant… right?

She remembered Claire’s advice. Would ending things really be in their best interests? The thought of being alone, truly alone, terrified her.

All these thoughts swirled around in Susie’s head, and she tossed and turned restlessly, feeling more and more miserable with each passing moment. Right before sleep finally claimed her, Susie remembered the mysterious ad. She dreamed of being beautiful, and everywhere she looked, people smiled at her.

***

It was exactly a week later when it came. Susie had been anxiously awaiting its arrival, checking her doorstep multiple times daily. As the days went by, she started to wonder if it was a scam, at first regretting making the impulsive purchase but eventually deciding to accept her losses. After all, any fool could tell you that a wish-granting spirit was too good to be true.

All her worries dissipated when she gazed upon the ornate wooden chest on the table. It was beautifully crafted from a dark rich mahogany, adorned with intricate carvings. Susie ran her fingers over the smooth, polished surface. Her heart raced with anticipation.

The lid was secured with a small gold-plated latch. With trembling hands, she lifted it and opened the chest to reveal an elfin china doll, sat on a wooden pedestal. A chill ran down her spine as she made eye contact with it, and it looked back at her with its pale, expressionless face.

Susie lifted the doll out, careful to not tear its red dress, cradling it in her hands. Its long black hair cascaded down its back and in-between her fingers in a tangle of silky strands, feeling unnervingly similar to human hair… no. Susie shook away the thought. As she held it, she felt a strange energy coursing up her arms and throughout her body. It was gone as quickly as it had come.

She read the neatly written instructions on a card tucked away in the bottom of the chest.

Clear out a tidy space to serve as an altar for the spirit. Lay out an offering of mild incense, white wine and fresh flowers daily. Do NOT use sandalwood incense.

Prick your finger and let a drop of blood fall into the glass of white wine. You only need to do this once.

Remember, once you make the offering, there’s no turning back.

A trip to the supermarket later, everything was ready. The doll sat regally in the centre of Susie’s dresser, surrounded by lilac foxgloves and snow-white baby’s breath. Its glassy eyes seemed to follow her every move, piercing through the incense smoke with an intensity that made her skin crawl.

***

The next day, Susie walked into the hospital with a newfound perk in her step. Whispers and stares followed her throughout her shift.

“Do you think she got plastic surgery?”

“That’s impossible, it takes at least a week for the swelling to go down. She hasn’t taken a day off in years.”

Susie smirked.

***

“You’re buying so much tonight. Special occasion?” Adam brought out two full bags of food, attentively handing them over to Susie.

“Nothing like that. I’m working overnight.”

“It’s only been a few days since I saw you last but…” he looked at her closely, an indiscernible expression on his face, “you seem to have changed a lot.”

“Ah, really?” Susie let out an amused laugh. “How have I changed?”

Adam chuckled, embarrassed. “I can’t really pinpoint it, I suppose… you look more energetic. And more cheerful.”

“Well, I’m flattered. Thank you for saying that.” They bid their goodbyes and Susie walked away, aware of Adam’s lingering stare on her back. She made sure to exaggerate the sway of her hips.

She was passing under the bright streetlight a few feet from the diner when she heard Adam call her.

“Did I leave something behind?”

Adam shook his head, looking bewildered. “N-no, it’s not that. Your shadow…” he trailed off, pointing at the ground beneath Susie’s feet. She heard the distress in his voice and began to panic herself.

“What-“ She looked down in alarm and her breath caught in her throat.

She had two shadows.

The one closest to her was her own. But a second shadow seemed to be growing out of it – an elongated silhouette that was almost merging with her own, with long, flowing hair billowing in an absent wind.

Her mind flashed to the doll sitting in her bedroom.

“Oh- I-“ She struggled to find the right words. “It must be a trick of the light. I- have to go.” She spun around, leaving Adam to gawk after her as she sprinted into the night.

***

“Tell me the truth. Are you seeing someone else?” A few weeks had passed, and Susie returned home late one night to find Matt waiting for her.

“Let’s break up.” The words spilled out of her like a pressure valve releasing steam.

Matt scoffed. “Are you crazy? Apologise, then maybe I’ll forgive you.”

Susie let out a bitter cackle. “You? Forgive me? You ignore me, give me the cold shoulder, you barely acknowledge my existence. I tried, I really did. Even if I was dying after work I would still go out of my way to buy you food-“

“Who the fuck likes clam chowder, Susie?”

“Then let’s talk about the fact that you don’t own a house or a car. I’m the one who’s been working nonstop to pay our bills. And your looks aren’t all that either. Thinking about it, I’ve really been selling myself cheap. You want the truth? There are lots of men who want to be with me now, and each one of them is better than you.”

Matt looked at her with utter disbelief painted over his face. “You’ve changed. You used to be kind, Susie, you’d never say anything like-“

“Did you really like the past me? You were just uncapable of finding someone better. But now I’m better. And I deserve better.”

“I don’t even know who you are anymore.”

“I know myself now.”

The shadows seemed to elongate after he left, stretching sinisterly across the apartment walls.

***

A few months later, Susie entered the diner once more.

“Hello, welcome. I’ll be with you in a sec.”

“Adam! Don’t you remember me? I used to come here a lot.”

Adam stared at her for a few seconds, and recognition spread across his face.

“Oh, my god, Susie! You’ve become so beautiful that I didn’t even-“ He started. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. You have a boyfriend.”

“Actually, we broke up a while ago,” she tells him with a giggle. “Thanks for the compliment. I’ll have my usual.”

“No problem.” He began to leave, then did a double take, terror flooding his features.

“Susie… what’s wrong with your face?”

“My face?” Susie quickly opened her phone camera. Horror seized her and she let out a shrill scream.

Her once-smooth skin was suddenly covered in dark, leathery patches, mottled and speckled with deep wrinkles. She could see her face decay in real time, putrid blotches of yellow and green spreading across the surface. Clumps of her hair fell out in her hands as she reached towards her head. She could feel her scalp tingling, as if something were crawling beneath it.

“Should I call an ambulance?” Susie ignored Adam’s frantic cry. As if on autopilot, she whipped off the scarf from around her neck and tied it around her head. Then she ran.

She stumbled into her apartment, gasping and coughing. Just when she was on the verge of collapse, her phone rang. Desiree. Susie stabbed hysterically at the screen until it picked up the call.

“What’s happening to me,” Susie blubbered, choking on her own tears. “I’m hideous. Help me!”

“You knew there was no turning back,” an emotionless voice answered. Susie couldn’t tell whether it was a man or a woman.

“Just tell me what’s happening to me, please,” Susie begged.

“You’ve merged with the spirit,” came the austere reply. “You humans are prone to sickness. But even spirits grow old and get sick. In order to delay the aging process, they need a special kind of… medicine, that only humans can produce.”

Susie swallowed, feeling nauseous. “So, you’ve been using humans as… hosts? Like some sort of parasite?”

“Not using. It’s a fair deal. In exchange for your deepest desire to come true, you offered yourself up as medicine. You signed the contract willingly, did you not?”

“What contract?”

“The contract to co-exist. The host must use their own fresh blood to bind themselves with the spirit – which you did.” Susie’s blood ran cold.

“They like feeding on certain human emotions,” the voice continued. “Greed. Vanity. Jealousy. The more they gather, the higher quality the medicine.

“But as you’ve noticed by now, there are some side effects once you’ve fully merged. When the sun comes up in the morning, you’ll start to… deteriorate. Your body will weaken and decay. But when night falls, all the beauty you lost will be regained, to its full potential.”

Susie stopped sobbing. “...I’ll be beautiful again?"

The line went dead, but Susie didn’t care anymore. She’d already decided.

It was a small price to pay. A fair exchange.

***

Over time, Susie learned to adapt to her new existence. She writhed in pain as sunlight shone through her windows, feeling her skin blister and her muscles atrophy, wishing for death. She danced under the moonlight, her thick, glossy hair whipping around her shoulders, and she laughed.