35 comments

Crime Suspense

The prestigious Bearing and Whitworth Building was silent except for the incessant chatter of the starlings roosting behind its tenth-floor fascia. The law firm’s employees had fled their Wormwood Street offices for the weekend, leaving the commercial district empty but for the occasional bellow from distant river traffic and the dissonant howl of a patrol car’s siren. However by mid-evening the scuttle of feral paws and the yelp of an urban fox added to the stark ensemble as members of the local wild life appeared from their dark burrows to go about their business.

#

At eight o’clock, Barry McBride emerged from the ninth-floor janitor’s closet and peered up and down the dimly lit corridor. Illuminated by the acid green fire-exit signs, it looked longer than he recalled and much darker than expected. Barry edged his way down the endless line of locked doors, placing every step with care to minimise the sound of his footfalls on the polished stone floor.

#

Barry had gained entry to 5 Wormwood Street late Friday afternoon, as the firm was winding down business for the week. He’d waded through a shoal of worsted-wool suits exiting the building, sidled behind a guard signing a courier’s receipt book, and marched up to the front desk, as if he was expected. The distracted receptionist wafted a free hand at the visitor’s book and continued organising her social agenda. Barry smiled to himself as she gossiped on her phone and scribbled an illegible signature where required. The young woman jabbed a glistening red fingernail toward the lift and he strolled across the lofty foyer, slipping between the brushed-steel doors before they clanged shut. 

#

Every security system has its flaws, and every lock has its faults. Both are a question of precision, understanding physical limitations and applying a certain amount of jiggery-pokery. Barry couldn’t afford to be complacent, despite planning his movements around the change of security personnel downstairs. Their handover at eight o’clock would cause enough of a distraction for him to proceed with his work undetected. By eight fifteen, the night shift would start in earnest. There wasn’t much time and no room for error on his part. They’d resume their duties with immediate patrols on all floors.

#

Barry paused as he passed the stairwell and peeped over its handrail into the yawning abyss. Nine floors of descending marble steps disappeared into the darkness as if they were the stairway to a subterranean kingdom. He strained to hear any telltale movements or voices beyond his limited vision, but all was quiet apart from the steady beat of his own pulse throbbing in his ears. 

#

Barry was aware he’d not get another chance to find his client’s paperwork and remove the evidence necessary to prosecute him. The case was due in court next week and without it, he’d evade a conviction, escaping a certain five-year sentence. Of course, once the authorities guessed what had occurred, the building manager would review the security recordings and Barry would be red-flagged. This was a one-shot job and no excuses. 

#

Barry paused outside room ninety-seven and his finger tips traced the embossed door number, confirming he’d arrived at the correct office. Barry kneeled down on the pitted marble, unfurled his trusty tool roll, and glanced up to examine his quarry. 

“A Platinum 3 Star Euro Cylinder,” he muttered to himself. “Someone’s not messing about here.”

Barry chose an old faithful pick; his Peterson Reach. Useful for most locks and ideal tonight. Its curved shank was perfect for pivoting round pin stacks without bumping them. It also had a rounded tip which makes finding and lifting pins feel buttery smooth. It wasn’t the perfect choice for everyone. Its thin construction made it vulnerable and prone to breaking. Heavy-handed amateurs often snap the little fella’s neck. However, Barry was aware of its fatal flaw and he was no beginner.  

He inserted his pick to the back of the lock and pressed up, pausing for a moment before drawing the tool out and counting the clicks. 

“Six pins,” he whispered, rolling his lip over his lower teeth. Placing the pick between his teeth, he lifted his tool roll again and felt for his tensioning tools, pulling out a straight wrench. Its rigid shaft would maximise the all-important feedback vibrations. A sensitive touch is essential for lock-picking and feedback is everything. Barry wanted to feel every pothole, speed bump, and crack in the road as he drove his Peterson pick up and down the pins within the lock’s cylinder.

#

The seconds melted away as Barry wrestled with the pick to find the binding pin. He felt the gentle vibration of its movement across the shear line at the same time as the sharp little click punctuated the silence.

“Yes,” he said, clicking his tongue like a stick on a hollow log. “Gotcha.” 

It would be easier now. Barry tapped his pick below the other five pins, lifting the second one into position. Each successive click would take him nearer to his goal, but also closer to the guard’s patrol. 

“Plenty of time,” he said, drawing a blast of air into his nostrils. The luminous hands on his wrist-watch told another story, one he tried to ignore.

#

The shear-line clicked a third time as he raised another pin into position. This was supposed to be straight forward. Barry suspected somebody had tampered with the lock or modified the pins. He traded his Peterson Reach for his Batarang pick. Its sharp cut angles could throw the pins over the shear line with sudden violence, like a car juddering over a rutted country road. The Batarang’s twin peaks would give him two chances to set each pin per rake. 

“Three down and three to go,” he said, checking his watch again.

The sharp clump of a guard’s heavy boot heel echoed up the stairwell and along the silent hallway. Barry glanced over his shoulder to see fleeting shadows dance on the ceiling above the void. They’re warning signs caused by the flickering of a flashlight a few floors below. 

Barry bit his lip and flared his nostrils, feeling the first rush of adrenaline course through his veins. He knew he had seconds before his hands got the shakes. He’d lose his touch and have to stop, unable to continue. 

“Plenty of time,” he assured himself, counting to ten under his breath.

Click! 

“Two to go,” he said, inhaling a harsh breath as his ears ached with the rapid pounding of his heart beats.

The sound of the guard’s boots striking the steps and echoing in the stairwell sounded like the transient crashes of an approaching thunderstorm. 

Click!  

The flashlight’s reflections illuminated increasing amounts of the hallway with each fleeting tick of his watch’s second hand. Every scrape of the guard’s boots reminded Barry what it would mean to be caught here. Barry had done enough time behind bars to appreciate his freedom. He shook his head to perish the thoughts and banish the images from his mind’s eye. He took another deep lungful of air and pursed his lips. 

Click!  

That’s it! He’d nudged all six pins across the shear line. 

The central plug of the lock was free to move. 

Clack!

The bolt retracted from the door jamb as soon as Barry had rotated the core. 

With no time to waste, he scooped up his tools and rolled forward through the doorway as the flashlight beam swooped up the hall.

Holding his breath, Barry pressed his ear against the door, half expecting to hear excited R.T. chatter or charging feet.

“Top floor is clear, over!” said the guard, pausing outside room ninety-seven.

“Don’t hang about, mate,” said the R.T. voice. “I’ll put the kettle on!” 

“Mine one’s white with four sugars.”

“Right you are, mate!”

The rhythmic tapping of boots on the marble floor receded into the distance.

Barry exhaled a long quivering breath between his clenched teeth. 

The toughest part of the job was getting into the office. 

Barry knew he was in for a long night searching for documents.

Tomorrow morning, he’d slip out through a fire exit at the change of shift. 

#

Isn’t it funny how often things don’t go according to plan? 

Barry heard his car honking for Britain before he saw it. 

He turned the corner from New Street into Rose Alley. 

In front of him was a low-loader with a power hoist. 

Barry’s vehicle was dangling six feet off the ground.

“Oi!” said Barry, approaching his disabled car. “You can’t do that, mate.”

“No parking after eight A.M.,” said the driver.

“Give me a break, pal.”

“Not my problem, sir.” 

“It’s only a few minutes after.”

“More than my job’s worth, sir.”

“God damn it.”


THE END


October 06, 2023 10:42

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35 comments

18:01 Oct 10, 2023

Howard I really enjoyed this one! I was “holding my breath” wondering if Barry would be able to pull it off! I love the sensory details, they were very well done and set a beautiful tone. I especially enjoyed the names you used, and the smaller notes like the “red nail” of the receptionist and the sound of boots tapping on the marble floor. Very immersive and exciting to read!

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Howard Halsall
00:38 Oct 11, 2023

Hey Hannah, Thank you for taking the time to read my story and share your thoughts. I’m glad you enjoyed it and pleased it had such a positive impact. It’s always tricky to get a balance between immersive details and effective story telling; too much detail and it kills the pace versus too few descriptions and it starts to feel remote. It’s all trial and error, which is why your feedback is so useful. Take care HH

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Ken Cartisano
03:46 Jan 27, 2024

A gripping story. I think I am more invested in the story, not for the character, but for the suspense, the tension, and the spectacular details involved with picking a lock. I almost felt like I was sitting next to him, whoever he was, and if he got caught, I'd get caught. But you provide very few details about the main character, other than the fact that he very badly needs to get into that office.

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Martin Ross
17:13 Oct 20, 2023

I love a caper, and both the motive and the technical, tactile, sensory details heightened the suspense and that strange rooting we find ourselves doing for the criminous protagonist. The incredible depth with which you describe both lock and picks and the process makes it all come vividly alive, and counterpoints the stupid circumstances that screw the perfect crime into the ground. And as a mystery lover, I cackled at “jiggery-pokery” — a favorite term of locked room master John Dickson Carr’s Sir Henry Merrivale!

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Howard Halsall
07:48 Oct 21, 2023

Hey Martin, Thank you for taking the time to read my story and share your thoughts. I had a lot of fun writing this one so I’m grateful for your positive feedback. You made an interesting point about rooting for protagonists pursuing criminal activities. Isn’t it amazing just how much everyone wants them to succeed? Years ago, I recall expressing my delight after watching the remake of ‘Ocean’s Eleven’ and the acquaintance I was addressing stopped me and said, “how can you possibly root for a bunch of thugs?” Framed in that way it’s a good ...

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Martin Ross
15:35 Oct 21, 2023

When I married Sue 30 years ago, my mother-in-law looked at my basement wall of accumulated mystery novels and declared, “These are all about MURDER!” — at that moment, I think she wondered if Sue’d married a psycho🤣. Talented thugs, I can enjoy. Though the series Banacek was a great way to savor a great caper while feeling good about Peppard sticking it both to the insurance companies AND the thieves. Yes, I think a good caper does help cleanse the institutional/societal frustration that threatens to boil over. The old Rockford Files con ga...

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Delbert Griffith
13:01 Oct 16, 2023

Loved it, Howard! I'm thinking this could be expanded into a novella or a full-blown novel. You have a very good MC to work with. Just a thought, my friend. Cheers!

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Howard Halsall
20:46 Oct 16, 2023

Hey Delbert, Thank you for reading my story and suggesting further work in terms of developing the character and extending the story. I’ll certainly think about it. I must say it would be intriguing to see where it would lead. But who knows? I guess that’s why we all enjoy the adventure of putting pen to paper and navigating a pathway through our imaginations…. Take care HH

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Rose Lind
07:29 Oct 13, 2023

My assertion, you know what you write. To use the words of silence song... my natural state of allowing it feels like the part I searched for. My natural state of allowing... accepting what ois and what isn't. The space between my body and mind were I can go deeper...

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Howard Halsall
09:11 Oct 13, 2023

I reckon you’re right…. It’s an extension of your thoughts and therefore your true reflection

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L J
22:53 Oct 12, 2023

Howard, Loved this! Went from reading about the exploits of an expert lock picker to an episode of Get Smart! or the pink panther ! is this a possible novel of such exploits? It would be a hoot to read! Thanks for liking my little skit, quite a compliment from you!

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Howard Halsall
23:07 Oct 12, 2023

Hey L J, Thank you for reading my latest story and sharing your thoughts. I’m pleased you enjoyed it and got the humour too. I’m flattered that you reckon it’s got enough legs to run and extend into a longer format. It was really meant as a one off short, but now that you mention it, maybe I could develop Barry’s character and work on the plot…. It might a lot of fun :) Take care HH

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Livana Teagan
15:52 Oct 12, 2023

I love a great heist story! Did not see the ending coming for a second. It's so accurate though. I feel like this story could be a great metaphor for life. Oh how we use our skills and our knowledge to the best advantage we know how, to try and glean and control things for our future plans, only for life to remind us how half the time we aren't as clever as we think we are. Life is untamable and throws us curveballs all the time. Some we never could have seen coming, and the worst ones - the ones we should have seen coming from a mile away! ...

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Howard Halsall
17:47 Oct 12, 2023

Hey Danie, Thank you for reading my story and sharing your thoughtful response. I agree with you about life throwing curved balls; that’s what makes storytelling so intriguing. The question in my mind is, can I suspend the readers’ disbelief and draw the them into the story as it develops? Hopefully I can achieve that and provide a surprise or two. Take care HH

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Sophia H
14:26 Oct 12, 2023

Absolutely loved the imagery of driving through different terrains while Barry was lockpicking, very creative and described a lot of the technicalities in an easily digestible way. The ending was hilarious as well.

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Howard Halsall
17:50 Oct 12, 2023

Hey Sophia, Thank you for taking the time to read my story and share your thoughts. I’m pleased you enjoyed it and hope the end was a surprise too. Take care HH

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Rachelle Lemay
13:43 Oct 12, 2023

Lots of tension here and a great build-up. I held my breath until the ending where I breathed a sigh of relief and had a chuckle. Well crafted, Howard.

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Howard Halsall
18:00 Oct 12, 2023

Hey Rachelle, Thank you for reading my story and leaving your positive feedback. I’m pleased you enjoyed it and were held in its spell. It’s also rewarding that you had a chuckle at the end. I think it’s important to offer a comedy element after a tense scene or story, so it’s a relief for me that you laughed at that point because comedy is all about timing…. I suppose :) Take care HH

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Rose Lind
03:23 Oct 12, 2023

Written to prompt. I have never had picking a lock explained, well done

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Howard Halsall
03:33 Oct 12, 2023

Hey Rose, Thank you for reading my story and sharing your thoughts. HH

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Robert Egan
00:06 Oct 12, 2023

The lock-picking details in this story were mesmerizing. I know next to nothing about locks, but your details helped me visualize it. Like Hannah said, I was holding my breath as Barry approached those last three clicks (I didn't realize it until I audibly heard myself let it out). Excellent writing and compelling storytelling!

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Howard Halsall
00:15 Oct 12, 2023

Hey Robert, Thank you for reading my story and sharing your thoughts; they’re much appreciated. I had a lot of fun writing this one so I’m pleased you enjoyed it and amazed it had such a powerful impact. Take care HH

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05:13 Oct 11, 2023

Barry sounds like an expert lock picker. Funny ending, his car was towed! The mood of this reminds me of the Hatton Garden robbery documentary I watched a few weeks ago.

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Howard Halsall
06:00 Oct 11, 2023

Hey Scott, Thank you for reading my story and “yes” it is a bit like the Hatton Garden job to the extent that I based it on a commercial location that’s deserted at the weekend. In reality the location is somewhere between Liverpool Street and Aldgate and has huge law firms based there, so it kinda worked for my story and added an extra element of realism, I hope. HH

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06:44 Oct 11, 2023

Nice. I don't know London well, but I worked on a business trip for a week on Liverpool Street. Fond memories. I was impressed how many pints office workers in the city can drink at lunch on a Friday ! A fun atmosphere.

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Howard Halsall
06:49 Oct 11, 2023

Those city guys are insane…. It’s very much a “work hard and play hard” culture and they go for it, big time :)

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Mary Bendickson
14:54 Oct 07, 2023

Lots of jiggery-pokery action.

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Howard Halsall
19:16 Oct 07, 2023

Hey Mary, Thanks for reading my story and sharing your succinct appraisal - you nailed it in 5 words :)

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Mary Bendickson
19:31 Oct 07, 2023

Thanks for liking my latest ones.

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Michelle Oliver
04:25 Oct 07, 2023

So much attention to the sensory details of lock picking that I’m wondering if somewhere on your CV is “Burglar and Professional Lock Pick.” The situation is incredibly tense and the stakes increase as they guard arrives. Your ending is perfect, poor Barry pulls off the perfect heist, only to have his car impounded.

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Howard Halsall
23:12 Oct 09, 2023

Hey Michelle, Thank you for taking the time to read my story and share your thoughts. I’m pleased you enjoyed it and relieved it held together, considering not much happens. I guess the devil’s in the detail…. To put your mind at rest, I haven’t relied on a misspent youth for the details, although there are items on my CV you might find intriguing… :) Take care HH

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Karen Corr
12:48 Oct 06, 2023

Poor Barry just needed a little more jiggery-pokery. Great story telling!

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Howard Halsall
23:23 Oct 09, 2023

Hey Karen, Thank you for reading my story and leaving your positive feedback. I guess the intriguing thing about jiggery-pokery is that it’s unquantifiable by nature and therefore unpredictable in its outcome. So, “yes”, I agree with you. Whatever it is and however it works, poor Barry just needed a soupçon more…. :) Take care HH

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Kevin Logue
12:39 Oct 06, 2023

Gripping heist, loved the descriptions of unlocking the tumbler, were it should have been so small and intricate you describe it terms of driving which makes it so relatable. Like this line is brilliant Howard - "Barry wanted to feel every pothole, speed bump, and crack in the road as he drove his lock picks up and down the pins within the lock’s cylinder." Your details on which pick to use made the MC very real, and the line about being inside enough to appreciate his freedom tells us such much in a short space. The last a paragraph then ...

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Howard Halsall
23:40 Oct 09, 2023

Hey Kevin, Thank you for reading my story and sharing your thoughtful comments. I’m pleased you enjoyed it and I liked the idea you mentioned about making the process relatable in terms of the driving experience. It occurred to me, in retrospect, that you are absolutely right. Some of the most effective writing comes from describing events in simple but relatable terms. I think the unexpected sense of scale also helps in this case. Comparing a bumpy road journey to raking a metal pick in a small opening is a fairly extreme example. Worlds ap...

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