''Nothing.''

First Edition- Be warned that the following story contains potentially triggering content involving gore and psychological collapse, as well as family strife.

‘’Nothing’’

My mother warned me not to stray beyond the light of the pylons. With the crackling of her dry throat she barked, ‘’One step, and you’ll belong to The Shadows. The only way people will hear your voice again will be in the rustling of the leaves sent astray by the vicious winds and cruel nights.’’ But I was as curious as I was foolish, and I set out to see them for myself. The blood-red lights flickered within the blazing torrents of frost and desolation as a powerful aurora blanketed the skies with its cosmic might, illuminating the beckoning woods beyond. With determined haste and dashing bravado, I made a decision which shall very likely haunt me for the rest of my life: I ventured beyond the light. I cannot recall what occurred during my stay in oblivion, but I’ll never forget what I saw when I next awoke. Even more so, I’ll never forget how I felt: as I was being carried away by two Guardsmen, I glazed behind in terror and confusion and stared into the wilderness beyond the pylons; there was nothing. Yet this ‘’nothing’’ was unlike any ‘’nothing’’ I had yet come to know. It was not the absence of presence; rather, it was the presence of absence. More than this, I could feel the ‘’nothing’’ in my soul, a crushing drought of emotion depressing my very conscience, draining me of any will and desire to do anything that wasn't immediately returning to the chaotic depths of the unknown.

It wanted me.

It needed me.

I didn’t see much of my mother or family in the years following the incident. I remember her funeral. I can still see her closed eyes, withered by the viciously cruel winds of our frozen paradise. At that moment, I truly believed I was a mistake, a blight upon the earth more foul and wicked than the terror which supposedly dwelled beyond the pylons. So many years did my mother live in the absence of her only son because I had to be a fucking child. Not only had I failed her, I also had failed my family and people. I had to be watched day and night by no fewer than two Guards, often accompanied by a scientist and sometimes one or more priests of a faith I still know nothing about. I was routinely monitored and tested for signs of insanity or delusional tendencies, but I showed no such behaviors. As I aged, more and more it seemed that I was the most sane man in the room; the Guards either were depressed or irritable, while the scientists seemed stricken with a terrible fear not so unlike that which I had experienced upon awakening from my expedition. The priests would stand still, much in the manner of the darkness beyond the pylons. Never did the desire to return flee from my conscience; on the contrary, it too seemed to grow with age. Though this certainly took a toll on my psychological well-being, I still seemed to maintain more self-control than those around me. This continued well into my adulthood, until I was pulled from my isolation and thrust into the scathing spotlight of destiny itself.. Two Guardsmen dragged me from my isolation to a dimly-lit room beholding an atmosphere of apprehensive desperation and blightful inquisition. A highly decorated man bearing the markings of a Colonel seemed to stare into the raging torrents of dread which dwelled within my mind as I was brought before him. He was flanked by two individuals; to his left, a woman, a science officer whom I’d come to know during her time visiting me; to his right, a man, adorned with the insignia of a Captain, whose eyes gleamed with the twisted pleasures of a cold-blooded killer watching the light fade from the eyes of his first victim. I could feel vibrations emitting from each individual in the room, each with a different frequency, yet all of a similar wavelength. The Colonel motioned for me to sit down and resumed staring for what seemed to be an epoch of uncertainty.

I felt a chill crawl down my spine throughout my body when the Colonel finally broke the silence. All he said was ‘’You know why you’re here,’’ to which I simply nodded. The chills and my compliance were not out of fear; in contrast, I knew he was right, and long had I dreaded the day my suspicions would be confirmed. Before I was brought from the room into the glistening rays of the Sun, my eyes fell upon those of the science officer, with whom I’d become somewhat enamored with so far as my crippled psyche had allowed; her eyes sparkled with a brightness greater than the combined light of a trillion dying stars; her skin bore a smooth, silky complexion as though it had been woven by a Goddess of love and bliss; her countenance of greater beauty and splendor than the auroras which covered the atmosphere in a blanket of wondrous colors disguising the myriad stars of the vast cosmos roughly every ten cycles or so. She reciprocated the glance as a dim smile disguising pity shone upon her luscious lips. But it could never be, for I knew it was time to return.

As I was ushered into the light I was equipped with a thermal coat alongside provisions for a day’s journey, topped off with what seemed to be a rod emitting the same blood-red luminescence of the pylons which stood watch over our civilization. The Captain followed me until we met before the pylons, their warmth a wondrous respite amidst the ravenous horde of wolves that was the bitter cold attempting to shred its way through the flesh of my face and eyes. Prepared to receive my orders, I was taken by the same horror and fear which had gripped my soul with its insidious tendrils the last time I had been here; the Captain had grasped my face, dragging it with inhuman strength until a sight I see every moment I dare close my eyes lay before me: Within the corridors of a neighborhood I saw around ten or so Guardsmen; two were set upon the door to a dwelling, bashing it with their arms with the velocity and indifference of a machine of war rather than that befitting humans, until they eventually broke through and dragged a civilian through the streets, screeching with the desperation fit for a dying beast to the residents that they were the traitor poisoning their minds; four seemed to be toying with the entrails of what I could only imagine was a human; two who brawled in the middle of the street, bleeding profusely out of every visible orifice, weeping crimson tears of joy as flesh was torn from their forms; one feasting upon another guardsmen who seemed to enjoy being his prey; the victim turned and met my gaze with the insidious smile fit for a psychopath or sadistic demon.

Having made his point perhaps a little too well, the Captain rotated my head to its former position where I stood for an indescribable period of time gazing deep into the wilderness, until my denial was shattered by a flash of light from a rectangular device held by another Guardsman. The Captain was now clenching his stomach ravenously, as though billions of foul insects had sought to devour him from within, until he suddenly stopped and stared at me, delivering his final message in the form of a holographic document:

‘’RETURN WITH THE INHIBITORS OR DON’T BOTHER RETURNING AT ALL.’’

It was a simple yet imposing assignment, ideal for a moment of crisis. Still, I struggled to comprehend how a nation of roughly 10,000 descendants of daring pioneers lacked the tenacity to face the unknown; why I seemed to be the only one trusted to face the Shadows. There should be potentially hundreds of Guardsmen with training and inhibitor enhancements such that nothing would stop them from-

Oh.

The inhibitors.

The pylons.

The Month of Woes.

It was at this point I recalled a lesson from my education, one I probably learned around age ten or so: When our ancestors landed upon this soil and founded our nation, they were unprepared for the extreme electrical interference which occurred approximately every one of our decades. Roughly six years after their landing, they experienced their first drought, sometimes known as ‘’The Month of Woes,’’ where electrical energy seemed to drain from the very air and soil for roughly one Common Month, or thirty Earth days, causing severe psychological distress. Many citizens even claimed to see shadows beckoning them towards their deaths. A distress signal was sent to prevent societal collapse, which was answered by a vessel of the Commonwealth of Humanity, a powerful nation with the technology to circumvent the crisis. The pylons were erected to safeguard the overall settlement whilst updated inhibitors were supplied for each settler, and no longer were our people forced to endure the wrath of our Sun.

Until now.

Looking back, it’s clear that much was kept from the general public as well as myself to prevent all-out panic and the very societal collapse we sought to avoid. Hydroponic farms fed us, and we had largely become self-reliant besides needing updates to the pylons and inhibitors every few generations. We’d basically have no way of knowing if the ships had stopped coming without it being disclosed to us. I still had many more questions which lacked answers, but my desire to ask had been decimated by the horrid things I’d just seen. I wouldn’t have had the chance anyway, as I was kindly hurled by the Captain beyond the pylons and once more lost my memories of what next transpired.

Except for one.

As far as I can recall it, I remember being in a den of woven branches, lit by a mysterious, indiscernible source. I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was home, where I belonged, and where I had been before. For a few moments, I felt a kind of comfort which I had lacked for several years. And then it happened: A shadow… Twisting without regard for corporeal limitations; its limbs twirling and ensnaring much like the branches lining the walls of the ‘’haven’’ I found myself in. Gradually, it took a more humanoid form, and began making noises… It was trying to speak to me. I had nearly snapped from the loathsome degree of apprehension I began to experience when I heard a voice I thought I’d forgotten forever: My mother’s.

‘’My son!!!!! My baby boy!!!!! I’ve missed you so much!!!!! All these years without you, my heart had grown sick and sad… But that doesn’t matter now!!!!! We are together again, and that’s all that matters…’’

‘’Mom? I- I don’t understand… You’re… Dead…’’

‘’I never died, my pride and joy… My love for you and desire to speak with you again kept me alive all these years. And now, I can finally say to you what I’ve been meaning to say to you since you last saw me!’’

Bursting into tears, I instinctively replied, ”Yes! Please!!!!!!! Tell me!!!!!!!! I need to know! Anything to make things right!’’

‘’I’ve been meaning to tell you that…’’

‘’I hate you.’’

‘’No- I- Please, God, no!!!!!!!! I swear, mom, I never meant to-’’

‘’Even now you’re a lying piece of shit! I needed you, and instead you left me to wallow in misery and despair! I tried protecting you, and you repaid me with abandonment! I never had a son, did I?’’

‘’Please- I was just a child! I didn’t know any better-’’

‘’Still looking for excuses, are you? How pathetic. Perhaps you did me a favor… Ridding me of the pest which infested me from the moment you were conceived…’’

‘’I’m sorry-’’

‘’Your apology means nothing, just like you. The only way you can amend your grievous sins is by joining the dirt in death with the vain hope that you’ll be turned into something useful.’’

I was utterly broken. So long had I wished for closure, and instead my heart was shredded and fed to my legions of unforgivable shame and guilt. I was understandably taken aback when her tone drastically switched as I heard what I had longed to hear for so long:

‘’Oh, and son?’’

‘’Ye- Yes?’’

‘’I love you.’’

‘’Please… Forgive me…’’

‘’There is nothing to forgive. It was never your fault.’’

I hadn’t the chance to respond before she had utterly dissipated into the feral shadows. I had barely even managed to comprehend what had happened in the first place before the beast spoke in its mysteriously soothing tone once more:

‘’You are faced with two choices. Choose wisely. The lives of your people just might depend on it…’’

I was once again taken by surprise when the forms of my mother and my beloved scientist manifested before my eyes, two loves which shone brighter than anything I’d had the pleasure of knowing in my life. I stood in disbelief for what I assume was a great deal of time before the preternatural force compelled me to make my decision with its enigmatic voice:

‘’Choose now, past or future.’’

‘’Why must I choose? I love them both… Is one really more worthy than another-’’

‘’I SAID CHOOSE!!!!!!!!’’

‘’Please… I can’t bear it anymore!’’

‘’Then make your choice…’’

‘’I- I choose the future. My mother- I can’t do anything about that now… After all of the hate, abandonment, and guilt, she still loves me. She’d want me to move on…’’

‘’Very well. It is time to return to your true home.’’

‘’But I still don’t know if I chose correctly-’’

‘’DID YOU?’’

Next thing I knew, everything was black. I remember waking up several weeks later, disoriented and confused, stretched out on a bed surrounded by monitors and vigilant technicians, one of whom was my beloved. We gazed into each other's heart and soul, and at that moment I somehow knew that she would be mine.

‘’You’ve been in a coma for several weeks. You probably don’t even know that you saved us all. Your name is becoming known across the Commonwealth. I’d say you’ve earned it. You’re a hero, hotshot.’’

Her sly smirk warmed me in a manner one might expect from their mother. I tried to sit up but was quickly forced back down by her tender arms.

‘’Whoa, whoa, whoa! You need a lot more rest before we can clear you. Also, I have some questions for you.’’

‘’Fire away.’’

‘’Was there anything out there with you?’’

‘’There was nothing out there except for myself, as surprising as it may seem.’’

‘’Really? How intriguing.’’

‘’It was just me and the terrifying woods.’’

‘’Amazing.’’

‘’Yeah. It was just me out there.’’

It was just me.