I'll See You Next Year

The day Victoria caught Rowan cheating on her it seemed that she knew it all along as the days went from hot to cold then back to hot. Of course, the entire school knew, the whole school already had text chains without the couple buzzing about the infidelity of Rowan Evans. And Victoria Park knew it all as well. She just did. But she was nonchalant about it as it did not hurt her. She had been hurt before, and compared to the amount of pain she endured, this was nothing. She didn't like the attention she was receiving. The spotlight burnt her skin and stung her eyes. Nevertheless, she knew she loved Rowan. How could she not? They have been together for five years now.

"Vicky," Victoria's friend, Kelly called out to her from about five meters down the hall. Too loud. Too loud for eyes to drift over to her. "Hey, you okay? I heard what happened with Rowan–"

"Yeah. Yeah. Of course, I'm fine! Thank you for asking." Victoria laughed it off, lowering her voice. Kelly smiled ruefully, her thick foundation digging into her smile lines. She patted Victoria on the back.

"If you need to talk about it, you can always call me."

But Victoria wouldn't.

She knew Kelly would tell everyone.

The bell signaled that the day was over, and Victoria headed out to the school gate. She pulled her dress up higher so that her bare thighs were even more visible. She unbuttoned two of the buttons on her uniform shirt and pulled her hair up into a ponytail. Rowan came a little late, his hands stuck in his pockets.

"I'm sorry I'm late." He said, giving Victoria a warm hug. Victoria smiled and kissed Rowan on the neck. A small peck. Her lipstick left a small mark above his collarbone. He smelt like perfume and cigarettes.

"It's okay." Victoria laughed a little. She got in Rowan's car, and when he opened the door for her she was confident that he was still in love with her. And she was too.

"Rowan? Do you know what tomorrow is?" Victoria asked, her voice excited but her eyes darting back and forth from Rowan's blank stare to his handsome face, and then to the view outside. "Rowan? Rowan." Victoria said. Still, no response. She would keep calling until he replied.

"I'm so sorry, I blanked out," Rowan laughed meekly. Victoria tried to smile, but she was still upset. "What did you say?"

"Do you know what tomorrow is?" Victoria asked again, this time her eyes focused on the new ring on Rowan's finger. Rowan shook his head, and Victoria could not possibly read what Rowan was feeling. "It's our anniversary! Aren't you excited?"

"Of course," Rowan leaned in and kissed her deeply, their teeth clicking against each other's, the perfume scent two times deeper and the knot inside her stomach tighter.

"Let's go to the beach." Victoria put her seatbelt on. Rowan didn't. He started driving right away. Silence deepened. The beach was where they first met. Nothing romantic, just friends hanging out.

Rowan pulled over and pulled Victoria back in again into his embrace. Back into a sickening stench of the perfume. They kissed, and Rowan got out of the car before she did. Gone. Just the scent remaining. Victoria hopped out and ran after him because she knew that he would not wait. That was just Rowan. The sun had set already, and darkness was seeping through the once-bright sky. She had missed the sunset staring at Rowan. Victoria slipped her hand into Rowan's, and they tightened their grasp on each other. She leaned into his shoulder he let her close her eyes. He guided her through the deep dark night. But Victoria kept her eyes slightly open, just enough to catch the empty beach and the unknown waters washing up on shore.

They sat together, side by side on the sand. Victoria took off her shoes and buried her bare feet into the sand. Their thighs and shoulders pressed against each other's, but they could not share any more warmth.

Victoria put AirPods in her ears. She started playing a random song from their playlist. She wondered why she had never heard the song before. They knew all the songs by heart. In a couple of seconds, the battery died, but she didn't take the AirPods out. She continued to stare into the horizon, wondering if she would see something new. Yet, the shore remained moving rhythmically, the waves never too large to swallow the rocks.

"I got diagnosed with depression yesterday."

She continued to stare forward.

She kept the AirPods in her ears.

She didn't feel like talking anymore.

"I don't think I'm in love with you," Victoria said, her voice loud and clear. Blood rushed in her ears. "And I don't think you love me.

"Okay." Rowan stared at the shore absentmindedly, watching the tides pull in and out, just like how he pulled her in but pushed her out.

"Rowan, look at me," Victoria stammered, her voice cracking. She felt a lump pressing against the walls of her throat, threatening to explode, fragmenting her into a million pieces. Heat burned through her eyes. Rowan continued to stare at the shore. "You never look at me. You never, ever look at me, no matter how hard I try."

"But I listen," Rowan whispered. Tears started to run down Victoria's cheeks. "I listen to you. You never listened to me with your heart. You only listened to my words, never what I actually meant." He paused for a while. He panted for a bit, his breaths rugged. "I'm sorry, Victoria. I'm so, so sorry..." Rowan looked at her, his eyes bloodshot and glassy with tears.

And for the first time, she heard him.

She let him bury his face into her collarbone where anger was nearly impossible. His sobs sounded raw and fresh as shuddering gasps pounded against her eardrums. She heard him. The perfume made her want to throw up.

"I think we should break up," Rowan muttered, his face still buried in Victoria's shoulder. Victoria pulled her AirPods out and Rowan sat back up again, wiping his face.

"So it's almost summer break," Victoria smiled a little. Rowan nodded.

"Yeah."

"I guess I'll see you next year." She breathed.

"See you next year."

Rowan leaned against Victoria and Victoria wrapped her arm around Rowan's shoulder. This time, Rowan stared into the horizon, and a wave crashed over the rocks, swallowing them whole. Rowan swallowed the lump in his throat. Victoria stared at the shore, watching the shore, the tide pulling in and out.