Evil Having a Human Experience

Beauty, that is all I have ever seen superficially. I guess as a Christian woman I can tell you beauty has strayed me away from God more than I would like to admit. I will tell you a secret kay? You couldn't imagine the beauty I have seen traveling around in this world, but looks are nothing its when you have a moment with the beauty to see how their mind operates. I have never had my mind so blown away by a woman with beauty and smarts, the delicate matter at hand was that she wasn't delicate at all, I was. You must be thinking how? I know I thought the same thing. Here is my back story; I grew up as a Christian kid Church every Thursday and Sunday in my household for 13 years. Huge support system, but all under one roof and on one long dead end street. I was pretty sheltered away from the world in a beautiful way when life first started. I was very simple very sweet, but I lived a double life. A double life only my mother and I really knew about my step dad too I guess if you want to include him. I never really wanted to include him he was always kind of just there, but he was the reason for our double life.

He was an electrician and he was in his 4th year almost to his fifth if you know anything about the union he was almost to the big bucks, until one day his past happened to swallow him whole by one wrong decision. See the guys in the union have money to blow and problems to maintain. My step dad grew up on the streets rubbing nickels together to make hundreds. It's just how he was and it was honestly impressive he would go out with empty pockets when I was really young and come home with two wads in his hands with nothing lower than a twenty until you got in to the middle that's where the baby bills were laying, anyway that is besides the point life wasn't exactly peaches and cream even though it was, we had a big beautiful house and a loving family, but for some reason the streets always called my step dads name and I was usually in the car.

While they would bust plays all night they were addicted to the fast life and the fast money, even if I had to be at Catholic Christian school in the morning it was ridiculous, but the money was to good and the opportunity was to thorough and that is exactly what he always was, an opportunist. They would go into these grimey looking homes and leave me out in the car for hours sometimes even until night time. I would be in places like Roxbury or Dorchester, you name it I would be in different hoods being exposed to different things as the granddaughter of a fireman of generations and the niece of an ATF agent, but here I was little ol me in the back seat with crack, meth, heroine, crack whores, prostitutes you name it. I witnessed it.

Fast forward a few years I am 18 years old, still that same sheltered girl with the mentality of such, innocence. I met this girl, she was beautiful; I am talking French Canadian and Puerto Rican like ouu baby come to mama that is how I was feeling hot and heavy and a little sweaty if you know what I mean. I noticed her first when we were getting off of the same train and I complimented her on her eyes, green with an orange halo around the pupil they were gorgeous different just like her. I left it at the compliment though and let her and I go about our days. Right after bumping into her I was on my way to go sign up for college classes to be a law student. I was excited about it I had always wanted to follow in the proud family name of heroes, but then it happened. Two days after registering for school, I was put on this assignment so I had to go hit the student library, which was pretty cool I figured I would get my social stimulation, grab my book and head outside to sit on the wall to start my book report. Well when I walked in, there she was, the girl from the train station with the beautiful halo eyes. Only a glass was separating us. I noticed her, I got my book and asked the universe if it was meant to be this way, to have her. Yeah okay, I may have jump the gun its definitely my toxic trait, we'll talk about that later.

I grab my book and I go to check out and head outside. As I am sitting on the stone wall my heart is racing I had no idea she went to the same school as me I thought we were just passing by, not going to the same place! How didn't I see her was my biggest question if we were going in the same direction, but whatever that's besides the point, I guess. I crack the book open the door behind me opens and I hear two girls talking and walking closer to me, wild but there she was again not only that but she sat maybe a foot away from my feet how much closer can you possibly get huh. I stayed quiet while her and her friend spoke about some school assignment she was apart of and then her friend got up and went to class and she just sat there and pulled out a cig, that's when I spoke up, " You remember me?" She looked at me right in my eyes and then looked me up and down, "Should I?" Ugh my heart immediately rushed with heat waves, " Well I met you on the escalator after we got off the orange line the other day." She looked around thinking about where she could have seen me "No I don't think so." She raised her eye brow almost confused at this point because now she was curious. " "I complimented you on your eyes." "Oh yeaaa, hey sorry didn't even recognize you" I was so shocked that she remembered that I asked if I could bum a cig and she looked at me funny like, "do you even smoke?" I told her yeah of course I do, but when I started smoking I was gagging on the smoke and she started laughing at me telling me that I shouldn't smoke cigs just to look cool. From that moment on birthed a new beautiful friendship in my eyes. For her she saw it a little differently; she was granted an opportunity to brand me, and sell me.

Little did I know I was walking a fine line between freedom and slavery. We ended up dropping out of school together and staying at random guys houses partying and doing wild stuff until one night we went to a studio party with the mics and the rappers and the singers and I got so drunk that I started stripping out of my outer layer of pants I had two sets of pants on and I took the outer one off and one of her guy friends pulled her to the side and told her that the way I took my pants off I was an easy mark. After that night, she started getting really close to me and being really warm and loving towards me until one day, I go to meet her at work and I have a big bouquet of flowers while I wait for her thinking we were going to jump on the train she had changed the plans and said that we were going to hang out with that same guy from the party, now keep in mind I had no idea what he had told her I was passed out somewhere.

The moment her friend pulled up there were two other people in the car a big black guy and a skinny young white girl red hair skimpy clothing, she didn't say a word to me when I had gotten in the car. When I had gotten in my friend who I had gotten the flowers for was standing outside of the car and so was her friend she spoke to at the party. In the car was only me this guy named Sunny and the girl in the skimpy dress. The guy in the drivers seat Sunny was telling me how I could sign up to be a model/actor/escort, but the way he said it he jumbled it together and made it seem like I was going to be signing up for modeling but in all actuality he meant escorting. At the time I wanted to be a model so bad, when I was younger Barbizon had actually wanted me for my style and pizzazz so I figured maybe this would be a way in to get better opportunities. After Sunny was done speaking he opened the window and they opened the back door and told me to get out. Now to my knowledge I thought we were all going somewhere, but we ended up getting on the train while I am getting scolded by my friend about, how I could choose him as a pimp over her, she kept repeating herself and backing me into a corner to agree with her, the weaker I got the more over powering she became until she finally got me to break and lie to her and say that's what I had did. The next few months from there she started programming me she got into a fake fight one night with me and sent me home with her friend who was told to fuck me and see how I was in bed, after that night everything for me got 10 times worse and very spooky. Being around her started being almost eerie. She didn't have any emotion at all towards anything animals, old people, even babies! Nothing warmed her cold heart, but every chance she got she would try to set me up in a casino or online she kept making it seem like it was the life to live, but I was to stubborn I wanted to hold onto my morals. Granted at this time I was sexually active, but I didn't want to sell my self.

That's when the Cape Verdeans and the drugs came into play. They never ran out of drugs ever they would feed me drugs and make me promise to do them favors and then when I would become sober they would remind me of the promises I made and they'd hold me to it. Night after Night Month after Month I was a zombie for two years. Until one night we were staying at a friend of mines house and she freaked me the fuck out. The halo in her eyes turned into a fiery nightlight in her eyes in the pitch black room and she squawked like a tridactyl. Now I know you're probably thinking what the fuck, but picture play fighting with your friend and your sitting on the bed in the pitch black and she comes up over the bed with her arms over her head flashlight eyes and a scream like a banchee no no no ! I screamed so loud, I had never felt fear like this ever before in my life it was insane I was questioning everything about reality, I did not know what to believe. Two weeks go by and she never did it again, but she had this vampire charm about her. She wasn't nice at all, but some how people would ravel around her pinky. charming people into doing or not doing whatever she pleased. For example, when we were driving a car that wasn't ours with no permit, no license and she smashed into the cop car with a cop inside the car he looked her dead in her eyes for a few seconds and said go home. I don't care HOW MUCH PRIVILEGE you think you got, nobody has that kind of authority. I used to think it was because of her beauty, but after that I started questioning which made me want to stay. She had to have been some magical mystical being. That my over friendly ass must have irritated, but some how intrigued it was a very love hate relationship.

Two weeks after Christmas she had met a new friend her friend was hot but I figured she was just recruiting another girl, but that wasn't my main focus mine was definitely sleeping with her because she was very beautiful, we ended up making out and getting all slutty in the bathroom until I went down on her and that shit was green, I was so grossed out by the veggie baby food mush coming from within her. I washed my hands and told my girl she needed to get that mess away from us, oh hell no I was disgusted, but she used my outrage against me and told the girl everything I had said and then she made friends with some guy also very eerie human they all reminded me of twilight vampires with their eerie energy in real life. All of them were very weird it was almost like she infected them, but she couldn't infiltrate my spirit, everybody who dealt with her became very dark shortly after, So one night maybe a week or two into us all knowing each other they take me to a hotel, on the way they pulled a gun on me and told me to take a tissue out of a tissue box, beats the hell out of me why they had me take a tissue out of the box but I did what they said and maybe an hour goes by and my whole body ceased from the bottom of my spine into my shoulders. You know that feeling when your cold and your body tenses up to keep you warm it was kind of like that except 10x tighter and it was terrifying because it made my knees buckle and I had to army crawl to the bathroom and lock myself in to pull myself together, and keep myself separated from the group. I was so freaked out by this that my friend had switched up on me after everything we had already gone through together homelessness, drug sickness, being kidnapped, etc. She had really turned on me, I called out to her to help me and she didn't budge she just stood there watching me crumble to the ground begging for help. It was terrifying. I ended up waking up the next day to everybody acting normal like nothing ever happened and they wanted to go get tattoos and they wanted me to come so I didn't mind it at first because they had brought us to a hotel really far from anywhere I had any traction, so I just had to take the heat until I could find somewhere close enough. We drive about an hour 45 mins and pull up outside this guys house he introduces himself and welcomes us into his home. I am thinking word, a normal person maybe he can get me the fuck out of here before I end up getting killed. Nope he ended up being like the grim reaper solid black big ring that looked like it collected souls same kind of black medallion around his neck very gothic looking for someone who was from the hood you just wouldn't expect this look, but there he was. He said before we get started we should go and get some drinks, now after what happened to me the night prior I knew I had to get out of there because they were just trying to finish the job so we end up at the liquor store and I am sitting there trying to talk to my so called best friend who is ignoring me for the new bitch that had toxic waste coming from her no no zone and I look up realize where I am and how there's a train right around the corner from where I am and I made the dash. She tried to gain control of me but the abuse I had already taken wasn't worth it, now I was on my way back home after two years to go see my mama, but when I got there she wasn't doing to good..... to be continued