Night Call

“What do you want?”

“Hey, can you come over?”

“Are you fucking serious? It is three in the morning, no.”

“I’m sorry, I know it’s late, I just really need you to come to the house right now.”

“I can’t believe you. You blocked me, what makes you think I want to see you right now? I’ve been trying to reach out to you for weeks-”

“Peter, you can lecture me all you want in person when you get here. I really need you to come over, fast.”

“No. Forget it. Bye.”

“There’s a man outside.”

“What? What does that mean?”

“I don’t know… I just woke up, I got up and when I walked by the window I noticed that there’s this guy standing outside and he’s looking up at me.”

“Are the lights in your house turned off?”

“Yes! They weren't even on!”

“Okay… How long has he been out there?”

“I have no idea. I’ve been peeking out at him from behind the curtains for like five minutes and he hasn’t moved.”

“Call the cops, Dylan.”

“I don’t think they’ll take it seriously. He’s across the street, he’s nowhere near my property. He isn’t really doing anything, he might just live in the neighborhood. He’ll probably move along soon but he’s been just standing there for a while, it’s freaking me out.”

“Well, I don’t know what to tell you, dude. Wake up your dad?”

“My dad can’t fucking walk! What do you think he's gonna do?”

“So is this urgent or not? Why did you call me? What do you want me to do about it?”

“I don’t know! I thought you could maybe pull up in the driveway or something? That might be enough to scare him off.”

“Alright, Dylan… I know you’re freaking out right now, but I’m gonna have to ask you to turn your brain on for a minute. I live twenty minutes away. Even if I were all too thrilled to jump in my car at the asscrack of dawn and drive over to you, I’d bet you anything that this guy is gonna be gone by the time that I get there. I am not wasting my time and burning gas so that I can drive over to your side of town for nothing. I’ve already done way too much of that when we were together, I don’t owe you that anymore. If you’re really, truly scared, then call the police. They will send somebody out. Block me again if you must, I’m going back to bed.”

“Do you think I like doing this, Peter?”

“Don’t start-”

“You are the last person on earth I want to talk to right now. We wouldn’t be having this conversation at all if I weren’t absolutely mortified. There is nobody else I can reach out to about this-”

“Oh, I’m sure one of your little boyfriends would love to help you out. Why don’t you give them a call?”

“Yeah, I did, you were not my first choice. Nobody answered. I thought you were mature enough to set your bitterness aside and come help me. I thought my safety would matter more to you than all the trivial problems you had with me. My mistake.”

“Dylan, quit fucking around and call the police! I’m not gonna argue with you! God, you’re dense… Wait, I know what this is about.”

“What, Peter? Enlighten me, what do you think you know?”

“There is no guy.”

“What are you talking about? I’m looking right at him-”

“There’s nobody outside. I know you, dude. You’re scared of everything, there is no way in hell that you’d let some random man stand outside your house and look in your window any time of the day, especially not at three in the morning. You would have called the police immediately, not taken any risk calling me to come do something about it.”

“You know that I don’t like cops-”

“Yeah, I didn’t forget. I know that you don’t like creepy men either. You’ve always struggled with common sense, but I don’t think you’d waste so much time reaching out to me if you felt like you were in any real danger… I think you’re pulling some fake emergency shit so you can get my attention… Yeah, I think you’ve been wanting to reach out to me but you don’t want to talk about everything that went down between us before you blocked me. I think it’s an immature and disgusting thing to lie about, but it doesn’t surprise me that you’d pull something like this… Look, call me tomorrow and we can talk about things. This is just… not a good time right now.”

“He’s gone.”

“Dylan, were you listening to me?”

“I- Yeah, whatever. I looked away from the window while you were talking and I looked back and the guy isn’t there anymore.”

“Oh, I’m sure.”

“Hold on, I’m gonna open the window…”

“Take your time, bud.”

“He’s not anywhere down the street… I’m going to check the backyard, I don’t remember if I locked the gate or not.”

“So are you just gonna completely ignore everything that I just said to you?”

“Sorry, I kinda zoned out. What did you say?”

“You’re fucking sick, man.”

“Is that all?”

“No, it isn’t! This little scheme of yours is fucking revolting! I never should have answered your call. I don’t have time for this bullshit, I have to get up for work in three hours! I know that this is fake because you still haven’t called the police! You haven’t denied a single thing that I accused you of. You’re gonna stretch this conversation out for as long as you can. There’s no man in your yard, there never was, you wanted my attention and you got it! This is genuinely the worst thing you’ve ever done, Dylan, I hope you know that. I don’t want to hear from you ever again after I hang up this call. I’m done with you. I’ve put up with your bullshit for nearly five years and it ends tonight. This really pisses me off, man… Dylan, are you listening to me? Dylan!”

“Hi, sorry.”

“Dylan?”

“Hm?”

“What happened?”

“Oh, nothing.”

“Huh?”

“Sorry to bother you, I’m gonna go.”

“Wait,”

“Hm?”

“Why do you sound like that?”

“What do you mean?”

“You sound different.”

“How?”

“Your voice… It sounds rougher than it did before.”

“I’ve got allergies. Goodnight.”

“Hey, hold on.”

“What?”

“Did you hear anything that I told you?”

“I set my phone down, sorry.”

“Did you go outside…?”

“Yes.”

“Okay… was the gate locked?”

“Yes, I locked it.”

“That’s good… So there’s no guy?”

“Uh, no.”

“I need you to be a thousand percent honest with me, Dylan.”

“Okay.”

“Was there ever really a man outside?”

“Uh… No.”

“So you were lying in order to reach out to me?”

“Yeah.”

“Why?” 

“I… I don’t know.”

“Is… there anything you wanted to talk to me about?”

“No, it’s late. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

“Hey, Dylan?”

“What?”

“What’s my name?”

“My dad is calling me.”

“Dylan, say my name.”

“Goodnight.”

“Dylan!”