Tales of a skinny girl

“You’re a really nice girl but you’re not my type. Don’t get me wrong. You’re beautiful but you’re a bit lanky. I like my girls thick. Honestly, you would look much better if you put on some weight though. We can still be friends right?”

“Alexia!”

I jolt back to my pathetic reality from my only mode of escape from my pitiful life – a world where I couldn’t be more perfect – my imagination.

“What are you thinking about? Mommy has been yelling your name since forever. Come down and have your breakfast now! I won’t forgive you if we miss the bus!”

Heaving a deep sigh, I dawdle to the bathroom sink and start brushing. 

“Well, he didn’t have to be economical with the truth”, I mull over.

I couldn’t stop pondering on his words of rejection since last night. I always knew I wasn’t on the plump side but I never saw myself as so skinny that he referred to me as ‘lanky’.

Hudson had been my best friend since I can remember. I palled around with him at school and we even hung out outside school. Then puberty kicked in along with all its bags and baggage and boom! Alexia likes Hudson. However, as the universe would have it, I am as straight as a ruler, both sexually and physically. Plus, now I feel like more of a HIV patient than a model. Adolescence really did me dirty by forgetting to bless me with an adequate front and back bumper that makes a woman more bootylicious like my sister Christine, who was going to strangle me if I wasted anymore time.

Taking my time down the stairs, literally putting in no extra effort to make it to the dining table any quicker, just to spite my sister and enjoy that pissed off look on her face is the highlights of my mornings.

“Alexia, what took you so long to get out of bed?”

“Mommy, I –”

“Don’t give my excuses!”

There she goes again. Scolding was almost every mother’s second name except mine scolds in Spanish and English because the truth is that some words hurt deeper when spoken in your dialect. However, as I grew, I seemed not to care anymore as I grew a thick skin to all her chiding. Dad always calms her down but this time, her sister does.

Aunt Lisa came visiting for the weekend and was to leave that morning but she decided to make breakfast for us. We all have that one aunt whose food is heaven on earth and that was aunt Lisa, especially this morning’s sweet potatoes sautéed in butter and thyme. As I dig into the delectable delicacy before me, I start to feel chilly and soon I start to shiver. My super mother soon notices and panicks.

“Oh dear! Alexia, you’re shivering! Christine, go turn up the heat!”

After a while, I start to feel warm and I continued with my scrumptious meal when Aunt Lisa interrupts the undue yet justified affection I am being showered from Mommy and Daddy.

“Why won’t you get cold easily? Look how scrawny you are. Put on some weight.” I shoot her a distorted look whilst everyone else on the table seems to find what she said amusing. I become self-conscious. Overthinking sets in which leads to a loss of appetite and an irritation to the sounds of their giggles before I eventually leave the table in a fit of rage as I run back to my room, skipping a step whilst running up the stairs. 

Slamming my room door, I pounce on my bed as I bury my head in my pillow to muffle my frustrated scream. How I hated it when I was called skinny! “How come I really never acknowledged it when I was called skinny until now? Was it because Hudson rejected me because I am lean?” I start to question myself and I almost have a breakdown but I brush them off because a hot-headed Christine was going to have my head if I was the reason we had to walk to school. Again.

Today, I was going to feel good about myself. I choose a perfect fit that isn’t just my favorite but covers my lanky self a lot more. I sure did cut quite a dash in a pair of mom jeans and a big top coupled with my favorite Air Jordan. Not too much of a surprise that I am ready before nagging Christine because of her thousands of layers of makeup but we still make the bus. Christine really just wanted to make the bus so she could chatter about the homecoming at school. 

“Christine, buy your sister a hamburger.” 

I don’t pay any attention to her as I take my seat at the back of the bus.

“Watch your mouth, Jessica.”, shoots Christine leaving me a bit startled. 

Looks like she still has my back.

Never have I ever been interested in ‘glamour girls’ chit-chats so I bring out my phone and start taking pictures and making videos of myself. 

One thing Hudson was right about was the fact that I am a beautiful girl. I might not have a figure to kill but I sure am cute. I make several faces and poses that accentuate my winged-like brows and luxurious lashes as well as my mesmerizing hazel eyes (thanks to my grandpa) that have people gawking at times. Then there are my lips that surrounds my small mouth with perfect alabaster teeth and dimples to die for. Even I am quite astonished at the realization of my beauty.

On getting to school, I am again reminded of the awkward occurrence of yesterday and an unhealthy pallor forms on my face on thinking about it. I walk down the hallway meticulously, my eyes looking every which way as I make my way to my locker. In a bid to leave to class before I am spotted, I quickly grab my first period note and close the locker, just to come face-to-face to him.

“Hudson! You scared me!”, I say whilst holding my books to my chest as my heart is beating a lot faster now.

“I’m really sorry. I just wanted to know if we are still cool after what happened yesterday?” He did have his concerned look on. He looks super cute when he looks vulnerable like this. I shake my head vigorously as I snap out of my day dream and sigh before replying him:

“How could we not? Of course we are.”

Grinning from ear to ear, he picks me up and turns me around, leaving me laughing so much my tummy starts hurting.

“See you in class, goat head”, he says with a resounding tap on my forehead.

Typical Hudson.

It’s that hour of the day I absolutely love – Sports time. I skip to the changing room and hurriedly change to my baggy red P.E wear before heading to the sports hall. Joining the cluster of friends that are already at the hall, we have quite a long chatter and bantering before Mr. Oswald comes in.

Phee! Goes his whistle. “Everyone!5 laps round the hall! Go!”

I absolutely love sports time. All the rigor and the vigor; the mere fact that my entire being is active makes me probably the most enthusiastic at the hall. Hudson and I, along with some other friends never saw warm-up laps as ‘stressful’. One would find us literally having fun by running backwards, skipping or even racing each other.

“Warthogs!”

Mr. Oswald always referred to as that. He is always free and funny too. Definitely everyone’s favorite teacher- except nerdy Alicia.

“Today, we’ll be trying out something new and exciting. We’ll be trying out boxing! So I want everyone to pair up in twos, preferably the person you hate the most. There’s a box at the end of the hall. You’d find boxing gloves and what I like to call the helmet of salvation. Fall out!”

Over dramatic Mr. Oswald.

Champing at the bit, I sprint to the box with Hudson chasing after me, of course. Pairing with him, as expected, we pick head guards and two pairs of boxing gloves for ourselves.

Two pairs to Hudson’s and I’s turn, Mr. Oswald calls me to the side.

“Yes Mr. Oswald?”

“Champ, I don’t want you participating in today’s activities.”

My heart sinks. 

“But why, sir?”

“You know boxing is not for, you know, people that are not really strong enough to handle it. You might get hurt and I don’t want that for you so why don’t you sit back on this one eh?”

Tears well up in my eyes as I blink them back. Tossing my head guard and boxing gloves to the side, I storm out of the hall. After a quick shower, I head to the dining hall. Once again, I feel ill at ease, brooding on esteem-diminishing thoughts about my lanky self. Once everyone else was done, they head to the dining hall. Everyone obviously saw me leave the hall and they obviously knew why. My friends come over to try to console and make me feel better about myself. 

Life savers indeed.

Everything is going well as we chat over our lunch, until Jack comes over.

Jack. A politician’s son who has gratuitous ego and motiveless wings that sure need to be cut off. I have awful memories from kindergarten, even up till now and he was always behind them.

He starts to banter with everyone else while I focus on my lunch and every other thing that deserves my attention because he doesn’t.

“Alexia Anorexia!”

I felt my blood start to boil but I maintain a straight face not giving him any attention. People like him wallow in attention; so just ignore them. 

Hudson chides him but since others are having a good laugh, his head starts to swell and he decides to continue, but this time, with my surname.

“Skinny Sydney!”

Wrong joke, Jack.

You know that feeling when you’re angry. It’s like a volcano about to erupt. You feel it bubbling inside of you. The more the annoying laughs and jokes, the more the pressure. 

I could feel my gorge rising and before anyone could, literally, say Jack, my hand develops a mind of its own and gives his face a nice red kiss.

 “Aargh!”

He starts to wail and grunts in pain, cussing about whilst touching his bleeding nose.

Of course, I was called to the Principal’s office and all the other formalities that comes with that are performed. I am suspended for a week which also means being grounded for a month and that dimwit is only given detention, which of course, he’ll get away with. 

School Politics.

I’m in my parent’s car and mom is scolding me but I’m already too lost in that world I was supposed to be perfect, except that world is experiencing a lot of disasters. At the dining hall, I was literally playing that Labyrinth’s song in my head as I bounced to the Principal’s office: ‘Mount Everest ain’t got s*** on me, cuz I’m on top of the world’.

Now, all that adrenaline is gone, my mind is literally playing Cat Burn’s song – the slower and lower version: ‘Don’t call this number anymore, cuz I won’t be there for you like I was before.’

I was dropped off at my grandparent’s house and that’s exactly what I needed. They didn’t even have questions for me. Those lovable human beings just made me my favorite blueberry pie and a cup of fresh cow milk. If all humans could be like them…

I was so lost in the thoughts of how sad I’ve become that I didn’t realize when grandpa sat next to me. 

“Tough day at school huh.”

I heaved a deep sigh and began to narrate my life situation to him. Before today, people had made fun of me. One time, I went shopping with Christine when some street boys that hung around the corners started mocking me.

“Be careful or you’ll get blown away!”, one said.

Another time, a friend of mom came over and when I came to serve her water, she said: You know my niece just got help for her bulimia. Do I refer you to who helped?”

And there’s many more like that.

When I was done, Grandpa signals for me to come into his big arms.

“Champ, we are all flawed in this life. No one is without faults. While you complain about how you are, many are out there wishing they were like you. To overcome all this criticism, you have to first accept it. Accept that you are thin because we both know that’s the truth. Now come to the realization that you are indeed beautiful just the way you are. Hudson might not like you like this, but, as they say, there are plenty fishes in the sea that like their girls the way you are.”

At this point, I giggle at grandpa’s statement and I feel a lot better too.

“As for your sports instructor, you’d have challenged him. I mean look at that punch you gave that ill-mannered son!” I had a hearty laugh as grandpa tried to mimic how I punched Jack at the dining hall today.

Granny prepares a sweet pudding and I am given the guest room to crash at for the night. I muse over what grandpa said earlier and it sure did make a lot of sense. I am beautiful. I am strong and no one can make me feel otherwise. With a sigh of satisfaction, I drift off to sleep with Emmy Lei’s song playing in my head: “I am woman, I am fearless, I am sexy, I’m divine.’