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American Coming of Age Fiction

I am woken up from a deep sleep by the sound of the front door downstairs unlocking and creaking open. Unfamiliar sounds waft into my home. I am groggier than I ever have been.

“It’s huge!” I hear a woman’s voice say. I beam with pride. Her companion coughs.

“And so dusty. And full of cobwebs. We’ll have to get the cleaning crew in here first thing.”

I frown. I have always been proud of my family’s home, and to hear someone disparage it like this makes me defensive.

“Well, that’s what happens when you let a place go to ruin for this long.”

I’m trying to piece together what is going on, where I am, who I am.

I am Laura. I am eighteen years old. I am in my bedroom, in my bed. I am safe. A splitting pain shoots through my head as I remember the last sensation I ever felt; the cleaving of my skull, the spray blood across the face of—that part is blank. But I know for certain that I am dead. Just like Mom and Dad and Andrew. We stayed in our home after the incident. We could guess why.

We tried to carry on as normally as we could, but over the years we got bored. You can only watch so many TikTok videos, play only so many games of Scrabble. Dust all the furniture so many times, and for who?

After the search for our bodies was given up, the crime scene tape rolled up and put away, the news vans drove off to the next most interesting grisly murder scene. We became urban legend. I read about us on social media for years, but eventually that interest faded too. The sites that had seemed so ubiquitous in my life eventually crumbled as well. I don’t know what they were replaced with. No one bothers to tell us these things because no one visits. Not for us, anyway.

Once our phones and laptops stopped working, once there was no more WiFi for our router to connect to, it became impossible to keep track of time and the passing of the years. The punk kids who used to dare each other to throw rocks through our windows became punk teenagers who brought their dates in here with blankets and pillows and pilfered wine to have sex in our living room. Chasing them off was the only real fun we ever had as a family anymore, a replacement for game nights that we barely remembered.

Maybe we got a little too enthusiastic about it because eventually even the punks stopped coming. Those teenagers grew up into ambitious adults who moved out and on to other cities and lives.

Eventually I assume they became grandparents and great-grandparents who got to die peaceful, natural deaths that allowed them an eternity of real rest.

We discovered pretty early on that we were unable to leave the premises of our homes, so it didn’t bother us when a chain linked fence was erected around it and then later replaced with a barbed wire fence. We didn’t need food or water. Couldn’t eat or drink anyway if we wanted to. But we could sleep indefinitely. We started taking long naps. Longer and longer.

Eventually I think I had stayed asleep for decades. Maybe centuries? Or only a few years, it was impossible to know.

I imagined myself as a beautiful, enchanted princess waiting for a kiss. It was a much better story than being a boring old ghost.

But it was a breath of fresh air to hear real human voices enter our home. I had so many questions: Why were they here? What year was it? What was the world like out there? What plans did they have for this big, crumbling, tragic building?

Remembering now with clarity everything about my purgatorial existence, I allowed myself to slip down through my bed, through my floor, through the ceiling downstairs as if through a deep swimming pool whose depths extended to the ground floor.

I stared with wonder at the couple before me. They had to be in their 30’s. She had beautiful, shiny hair. Impossibly straight, smooth, and chopped close about her shoulders. Her clothes hugged her body with unnatural perfection, rippling in the sunlight to flatter her every move. She wore impossible high heels that shimmered and shifted as if the very molecules that made them up could anticipate the weight and cushion she needed as she moved her body and adapted to the demands of its motion.

Briefly, I wondered if she was an alien. How long had I been asleep?

Her eyes were the strangest of all. They were a deep blue, like the sparkling lake in a mountain forest with a bottom that no one had ever touched. I couldn’t help myself. I reached out and touched her hair. It was even softer than it looked. She jerked away from me and shivered.

“This place is creepy,” she said to her companion. “And freezing.”

Harsh but fair, I thought to myself bitterly.

I turned to him. He had the same strange, rippling clothing. His skin was tan and perfect. Despite his age, there wasn’t a single flaw nor blemish. I suddenly realized how lonely I was and was shocked that I could still feel desire for this living body.

I had been eighteen when I died, but years had passed since then. If we slept together, I mused, would he be the creep? Or would I?

“Laura!” a sharp voice barked behind me.

I turned with as much attitude as I could muster, irritated that I could never escape Mom’s bossiness and—unlike living teenagers—had no hope of ever doing so in the future.

What, mother?”

“Get away from them,” she told me, and I watched the wind from her voice blow back the hair on the newcomers’ heads. The smaller hairs on the woman’s arms prickled.

“Drafty in here,” she said as if to reassure herself, rubbing her hands up and down her arms for emotional protection as much as a futile attempt to try and get warm.

I smirked with knowing. I was close enough to sense her fear, and it made me feel powerful.

“It’s daytime,” I told Mom. “They can’t see me.”

But I could see on the worried looks they cast one another that they could feel our voices as otherworldly breezes in the cold, dark, spooky house and that they were already questioning every decision that had led them up to this point. Tonight was going to be so fun. I hadn’t realized how bored I’d been. How much I had needed this. My soul stretched with delight like a kitten looking for attention.

“Family meeting in the attic,” Mom told me firmly.

“Fine,” I groaned, but before I floated over to follow her, I couldn’t help it. I slammed the front door shut behind them. I clocked the lock too, just for good measure.

She screamed.

I could hear his heart pounding violently.

“Laura!” Mom said again, a more forceful gust matching her more forceful tone.

“Cominggggggg,” I whined, leaving our terrified new victims behind me. For now.  

October 23, 2023 12:38

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11 comments

Shirley Medhurst
21:55 Oct 30, 2023

A fun take on this prompt - the interaction between mother and teenager in the afterlife comes over very well. You’ve left me wondering what Mom has in mind for the family meeting now…..

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Audrey Knox
16:43 Oct 31, 2023

I would love to write a whole movie of this--THE HAUNTING OF HILL HOUSE but with the family bickering of a JOHNSON'S FAMILY VACATION behind it.

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Livana Teagan
15:45 Oct 25, 2023

Fun take on a family of ghosts! I can't imagine how lonely it would be to be stuck with only your family for however long. I would haunt people too. I love that even though time passes, she really keeps the voice for her age. "She wore impossible high heels that shimmered and shifted as if the very molecules that made them up could anticipate the weight and cushion she needed as she moved her body and adapted to the demands of its motion." I loved this description but also, where can I find shoes like this? Thanks for the story this week!

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Audrey Knox
16:44 Oct 31, 2023

My intention is that this story takes place long in the future and the clothing is made by nanobots ;) I was trying to think of how jealous old timey ghosts would be of our yoga pants and how that development will look extending forward. Thank you!

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Rebecca Miles
05:54 Oct 25, 2023

The reality of the family dynamic, more especially the mother-daughter one, transposes so well onto this ghostly setting. I like how Mum still gets to nag and the daughter rebel and slam doors even in the after-life! Interesting side note on the 18 year olds brief longing for carnal contact, that would take the story in quite a different direction though! Good clean, haunting fun here which many a parent of teens will relate to!

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Audrey Knox
16:45 Oct 31, 2023

Thank you! Ghosts are always slamming doors in haunted houses for some reason, and I liked to imagine the intention behind that being a relatable one.

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Hannah Andrews
15:29 Oct 24, 2023

I really enjoyed this. Dark, but not too... Love that she's trapped as a teen still annoyed at her mom. And this... "If we slept together, I mused, would he be the creep? Or would I?" Love your wit.

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Audrey Knox
16:45 Oct 31, 2023

Thank you! Being a ghost sounds annoying. The suspended animation of it all means you never get to grow out of that phase. And teenage horniness is kind of ghostly--you want something but you're not really mature yet to get the version of it you're imagining. The eternal longing felt really right for the genre.

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AnneMarie Miles
12:59 Oct 23, 2023

This is my favorite prompt this week, and I love how you've given us just enough. The painful head blow tells us it was a heinous death for this family, which explains why they cannot leave. Then, how teenagers evolved from playing outside the house to going inside and then never coming back gives us information about how the house got its reputation and less people started visiting. OF course, someone will always deny the allegations and move in though, luckily for Laura! I like how you've created her ghostly teen personality, giving her a ...

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Audrey Knox
19:21 Oct 23, 2023

Thank you! It was fun flipping the typical haunted house trope and looking at it from a more innocent (but still spooky) angle.

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Rudy Greene
20:20 Nov 02, 2023

Good ghost story. I liked the metaphors and descriptions. You might have given more description and background of the main character and dynamics with her parents. Overall, good work.

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