changing

The Alarm clock won't stop. I put my pillow back over my head but I can still hear it. I roll over and hit the snooze button. I then look at the time and panic, but then it hits me, I don't have to get up this morning. It is 7am and for the first time in years I am not on a tightrope schedule. I pull the covers back over my head but then my bladder hits me, I shouldn't have drunk so much water last night before bed, but my diet says stay hydrated. So, I pull the covers back and roll off of my futon and slide across the floor in my wool socks and just barely get my leggings down in time to sit and pee. I am half asleep but then I sit on the toilet lid, oh cold, cold, cold on my bare bottom. For what seems like an hour I empty my bladder, then I get up and look in the mirror as I walk by. Shit, I look like a real hot mess, my hair is pinned up, but I look like some kind of troll out of one of those musical cartoons. I really need to get my shit together; I mean it is a Tuesday, but I have very little to do. I go to my fridge, and wouldn't you know it, my roommates have eaten all of the food again. Well not a problem for much longer, I am DONE! I go back to my futon bed and fall down in glee kicking my feet in the air. My dog comes running in and jumps into the bed with me. She starts licking my face and is barking in excitement. She has no idea why I am happy; she just knows that I am giddy, so she is happy, then she raises her leg and begins to lick her butt. I know that image wasn't called for, but I am happy. After 5 long years and long nights, lousy take-out food and crappy professors I am free. All of my hard work is going to be paying off. I now have both my bachelor's degree and my license as an accountant. I can spread my wings and take flight. The dual program was grueling, and I had to work my ass off, but I am done! This must be what it feels like to pass a Kidney stone or something or to be released from prison! The pain is gone, and the weight of the world is lifted off of my shoulders. So, with much fanfare over, I settle down and hear my stomach grumbling. I would like to ignore it, but since my roommates ate all of the food, I must do something about it, plus my dog is looking at me with doe eyes like when are you going to feed and walk me? So out of bed and into different clothing. New York is cold in November, and I don't want to get sick. So off to the closet of miss matched clothing. I put on sweats over my leggings and slip on my rubber boots. I get the dog off the bed; Scotties can be temperamental. So, dog on leash, mental checklist, boots clothing scarf and shoulder bag. Out the door I go, into the future or at least breakfast.

I step out of my apartment building into the blustery winter wind and all of the sights and sounds of New York. Some will make your nose, eyes and ears bleed and others are almost heavenly, I said almost. The smell of fresh bread from one of my favorite bakeries just a block away is awesome! The sight of the homeless guy relieving himself on the light pole between me and the paradise of confections, not so much. So, with a new-found confidence and a growling stomach, I just walk on with my gaze forward and my head high, so as to avoid the stench of what has just happened. I get passed the unpleasantness of the homeless man and make it to my favorite bakery. I load up on croissants and a large cup of coffee. I also get a bottle of water for my dog and packs of cream cheese. Then out the door and down to the little dog park just around the corner. I go through the gate and let my dog off her leash. I put down her little dog bowl and pour her water. I unwrap a warm croissant and watch her devour it. I help myself to one with cream cheese spread on it. I then sit quietly on a bench and just watch my dog run about with a few other dogs her size, sniffing each other. I often wonder what a dog finds out in such an action, but then I come back to reality and realize that my pup is over in an area doing her business, so it is my cue get out my poop bag and do my due diligence. After an hour in the freezing air, which is good to wake you up, I call my dog and put her back her back on her leash. I find my way out of the dog park and back up the street to my apartment building. I have a semi free day but so much to plan. It is exciting and terrifying at the same time. So much to get ready for.

Back in my shared apartment, I have the dog settled and have unwrapped myself. I have my computer turned on and I am beginning to go through my list for packing. Soon I will be leaving the urban paradise of New York for other opportunities. Just as I get started, my mother calls. Now I know it is the holidays and it is my mother, but that is actually one of the reasons I left Georgia and came to New York in the first place. I loves small towns, I mean a really do, but the only thing my mother aspired to when she was my age was finding a husband and popping out a kid or two or ten. Actually, there are only 3 siblings, but at times it seems like there are 10 of us. So, I answer the call on my computer which is linked to my phone. Mom begins with the how are you doing and the when are you coming home inquiry. After listening to her talk about my older brother and his wife and kids and my younger siblings one of which is trying to repopulate the planet at the old age of 20, I tell her I have to go. I need to get some things done, which is code for I am tired of talking about my family and biological clock, so back to planning after a wasted half an hour. I get my list made, then it is time to go to the mismatched closet. I begin to pull out clothes and put them together. It takes me the better part of two hours to get them all organized. I am left with a hand full of odd man out socks and clothes that have no matches. To the donation box at the Good Will, or some facsimile thereof. Just about the time my door dash delivery person arrives, my room mates show back up. In fact, one of them has my food and is smiling at the delivery person at the door, I run over and rescue my lunch and pay the poor woman before she gets verbally thralled by my two liberal progressive roommates. She is out and off, as my roommates chitchat a bit between themselves all the while eyeing my meal. I didn't expect them back but did order enough for 4 people as it was a lunch special. I am not sure what they will do without me, but they are both grownups, I am sure they will figure it out. After the meal and civil discourse, they disappear into their own spaces, I am back to my room and my planning. I am not going to stay out the month but will be leaving early not caring about reclaiming my portion of the rent. I figured this would be my parting gift to them, almost a whole December without me and time to bring in another room mate, although one of them has rich parents and they really don't need a third wheel but that is their business. So back to online planning and chatting with my friend in Savannah Georgia. I am going to sublet from her for a while, just until I can get my bearings. My family is in the state but will be 300 miles away, so they won't be stopping by every day. My mother was sorely disappointed by my decision, but dad understands that I need space to grow and blossom as he puts it. Besides, that is where the company that hired me has its offices. So, you go where the work is I think with glee. As I close my computer and my dog comes to lay with me on my bed, I look up at the ceiling and begin to understand, that everything is changing in my life. I am about to close a chapter and embark on a new journey. It is a bit unsettling but then, as I drift off to a nap, I smile, this is what I have worked for, so be ready I think to myself.