Things that Happen over the Course of Ten Days

Day 1:

Hey, how are you? I was told that maybe writing to you would make things better. I don't remember who told me that but I've heard it was a good thing to do so I thought I'd give it a try. I know you always wanted to be a writer so I thought, why the heck not try and write to you like this? Who knows, it might inspire you to write something more than just the silly, random thoughts in your head. You're capable of creating worlds, you know. You don't have to worry too much about it. 

Since I am supposed to write to you, but I don't know what to say, I am going to tell you a story. It's something I have always wanted to tell you. 

I often thought about you when I was younger. I wondered about you and about the type of person you would become. I wanted to know about who you would be and what kinds of things you would like. I really wanted to know if you would be happy. But now that we are here, I struggle with my own thoughts and opinions about you. I care for you, but sometimes I find you exhausting. When I was younger I wanted to change you. 

But anyways, I suppose that's not the point in writing this right now.

Day 2:

Hi there. Are you feeling any better? Did you read what I wrote to you yesterday? I hope I didn't make you feel upset. 

Today I am unwell. In fact, I feel lost, and uncomfortable in my own skin. Do you feel comfortable in yours? I might know the answer. 

Day 3:

Today is good. I know you are happy. I know it takes a lot for you to be happy. I see it as a flaw, but you might think of it as practicality. You might say that, ultimately, happiness is not a choice. You might say that it takes more than just your own head to be happy. 

To be honest, I might agree with you. 

Day 4:

Let me tell you another story. One of the most beautiful things I've ever seen in my life was a giant waterfall, nestled in a rock formation that created a semi-circle. I was with my entire family, and we were standing on top of the formation. We looked down at the waterfall and the lake that it flowed into.

Mom often refused to travel with us, as she preferred to stay home, even if that meant she would be alone. But that time, she was there. We were all there. It was beautiful. I wonder if you remember it too. 

Have I told you this before?

Day 5:

I often relate to mom and the way she would rather stay home alone than come with us when we traveled. As I have grown older, I wonder if she is content, or if the loneliness has gotten to her over the years. Sometimes I feel like I don't know anything about her, or anyone. 

I wonder how you feel, but when I think I know it, something tells me that I must be wrong. 

Day 6:

Hi, again. How about today? I think that it could have been better. At the end of the day, I often look back and wonder, what did I even do? Sometimes life can feel so static. 

It’s days like this that make me reminisce. Nostalgia is a powerful thing that can make one forget about all the bad things that are tied to the past. I often get lost in it, though, and find myself regretting things. 

I don’t want you to regret things, either. That might be why I’m writing this. I want you to write, too. Remember that in a story, you can be whatever you want. You don’t have to worry about the past, or even think of it. 

Day 7:

Some days, I think that there has to be a better way to reach you. I think, perhaps you aren’t even reading these. 

It makes me think about who I am really writing this for. Is it for you? Or, is it for me? When I think back, I ask myself about the real reason I had for writing this. I’ve always heard that writing things down was good for you. It organizes your thoughts, it forces you to think. But, is it the best way to communicate? Are my thoughts being organized, or are they being forcibly put to paper, off of some sort of false obligation I’ve assigned myself? 

Day 8:

What is it that people say? That it takes a few months before something becomes a habit? Wouldn’t that be something, if I wrote to you that long? I don’t think I could, honestly. Already writing to you for this long has been really painful. It’s made me think too much. 

Day 9:

How are you? Today was good. It’s been a while since I’ve had a day that was this good. I feel content, I feel light. Happy. Nothing happened, nothing in particular, but today I don’t feel burdened. It feels nice. 

I really hope this feeling lasts. 

Day 10:

I think today will be the last day I write to you. I hope you’re doing well today. I think I will miss writing, but then I’m not sure if I will ever do it again. That same sort of strained-nostalgia I mentioned is coming over me again. 

It isn’t that easy to think back on these ten days. I feel a little bit empty to end it, I guess.  I'm still not sure if I accomplished anything with this, and I am sorry if it ended up only causing you grief. In the end, I hope that you will read this as often as you need, and maybe one day we will both understand what its purpose was. 

I love you. Please be happy.