Christmas Ain't Fer Sissies

Christmas Ain’t Fer Sissies

Suzanne Marsh

The grizzled old man sat on the hard green wooden park bench, alone with his thoughts. He began to mutter to himself: ‘Christmas Ain’t for Sissy’s.’ It became his mantra each Christmas, for as long as he could remember. The older he became, the harder it was for him to remember why he hated Christmas. He had ridden the high plains for some forty years, he’d sat tall in the saddle, riding fence on the SPECIAL K RANCH. He’d never married, although most women considered him handsome, he preferred to be alone riding Lou Lou his chestnut mare. He had been a young man then, my where had the time gone? He heard children’s voices singing O Holy Night, ‘hmmp pretty song” he thought.

It had been a very long time since he had hear children’s voices singing Christmas songs. He tried so hard to remember the last time he heard one. He ran his fingers through his snow white hair, sighing.

He hated Christmas, he just could not remember why or when. He thought about his old friend Charlie Pence, how they rode fence almost every Christmas; then they would go to the old-line shack, would tether the horses, make a nice fire inside, bring in their saddles, and blankets. Then they would talk into the night. Charlie got himself hitched thirty years ago; Luke had not seen him since then. He thought about Charlie the last time they rode fence; Charlie had one thing on his mind going home to Ellie and their son Eli. He wondered if that was when he began to hate Christmas, then he decided that was not the reason, if only he could remember…

“Luke, Luke come on hurry up, we are going to be late for Christmas service.” Luke Hall hated the thought of sitting through Christmas service. He hated being made to go to something he did not want to partake in.

“I’m coming Mom, but do I really have to go? I mean, I know dad is Santa, and you are his

helper. Church is the same thing, I don’t want to go, I don’t believe.”

Mary, Luke’s mom stood there dumbfounded. She knew Luke could get stubborn, but then he was her son. Once again, she began:

“Luke, you are going to church service, like it or not, it makes no never mind. When you turn

eighteen, then you can do as you choose, until then you do as I say.”

Luke, opened his mouth to mutter:

“Mom, I am thirteen, I should be able to decide what I want to do and what I don’t want to do.

I don’t want to go…”

The hand the struck him, stunned him. She had never be this cross before:

“Okay, I got the message mom, I’ll go.”

Was that the reason he hated Christmas? He had no idea, he’d been kicked in the head by Lou Lou in one of her foul moods, it must have rattled his brain more than he figured, maybe he had what the doc called amnesia. It sure sounded like some disease that amnesia. The more he sat there the more confused he became; how could he forget about Christmas? He thought for several moments, maybe it was the time that Nellie Walter’s and he became engaged. He popped the question on Christmas Eve, Nellie declined, she married Jack Thompson a year later. He could see her in his mind, Nellie, with the flaming red hair, green cat eyes, she had a real passion for life.

Luke Hall thought: ‘no, that was something that was just not meant to be.’ He thought about what it would have been like to have a family. Putting up the Christmas tree, children yelling, a big family dinner. No, Lou Lou was better company. But that was no reason to hate Christmas, Luke was stumped.

Once again, Luke began the mantra:

“Christmas ain’t for sissies.”

Where, did he come up with that theory? He felt as if he were in a fog, he could remember what he ate for dinner yesterday, but could not remember where or why he hated Christmas. He began to turn over several ideas, each one made less sense that the last one. Luke, took off his Stetson, scratched his head, then put the Stetson back on. ‘Strange’ he thought, I hate Christmas with no real reason. He stood up, stiff legged from sitting on the bench, he made his way toward home. A small white house on the SPECIAL K Ranch, he felt so alone, no family, no hope of ever having a family. Was that why he hated Christmas? The crux of the matter was he had no one in his life, no wife, no children. He strode out to the barn, he heard Lou Lou whinny. He walked over to her stall:

“Hey, old gal, how about we saddle up and go for a ride? I know you would like that as much as me.”

Luke saddled Lou Lou, and they rode out. He decided he would ride fence over near the old-line shack. They headed in that direction; a cold north wind began to blow. It began to snow; Lou Lou became restless. He turned her toward the old-line shack. He tied her reins to a tree, went inside the shack, hoping to find at least some place where he could stay warm. The snow began to swirl, Luke went out and brought Lou Lou into the shack:

“Ain’t a fit night out fer man or beast, best you stay in here with me.” The wind picked up, the wolves began to howl. Luke saw a wood pile near an old potbelly stove, he built a fire and warmth began to spread through the old-line shack. Toward dawn, Luke finally dozed off. Muttering to himself, “Christmas ain’t fer sissies”. As he dozed his mind wandered back to a fateful Christmas day. His father was also a cowpoke, he been out riding fence, when a hunter shot him. He died early the next morning, Christmas day. His mother had never been the same, at last he remembered why he hated Christmas. His father taught him to rope and ride, he would always remember his first cattle drive. His mind began to clear, it was as if a fog had lifted, he thought once again about his father. He remembers that Christmas clearly now, the foreman of the ranch Jack Klock came to the door, his face ashen. Luke’s mother began to scream, Luke rushed over to her, he was now the man of the house, he had just turned fourteen. He could still here Jack Klock; his German accent harder to understand when he was upset:

“Ja, Mrs. Hall, I half some terrible news, your husband was shot dis morning. He died in my

arms, about an hour ago.” He turned his red rimmed eyes toward Luke:

“You, young man are now de man of de house. You must take care of your mama.”

Luke, cried in his mother’s arms after Jack Klock left to return to his job. His father would be laid out in the living room as was the custom. Luke had just turned fourteen, he contemplated how he could become the man of the family. He remembered the Christmas, just before his father passed away. The one thing he really wanted for Christmas was a horse. His father came home from riding fence, there he found Luke reading “Twas the Night Before Christmas.” His cleared his voice:

“Luke, put the book down, I have somethin out in the barn fer you.” The sound of his father’s voice told him this was something he really wanted. They strode toward the barn, Luke barely able to keep up with his father’s pace. They entered the barn, there in the first stall, was a beautiful chestnut mare with a blaze and four white socks. His dream horse, Luke smiled and began to talk to her soothingly. She nipped him on his ear. His father chortled as Luke glared at the horse.

“Son, what are you going to name her?”

“Dad, she sure is a lou lou. Lou Lou that is what I am going to call her.”

Christmas morning, father and son saddled up and went for a ride. They loped down the trail toward the fences, then returned. It was the greatest Christmas that Luke could remember.

A wave of pure sadness washed through Luke’s body, he remembered something his father told him that Christmas:

“Christmas ain’t fer sissies' boy, you remember that. The reason I bought you a horse is because

you need to learn the skills fer roppin and riddin. You’ll make a good cowpoke someday.