Dear Jebonia

Dear Jebonia,  

I see now brother, what you had talked about for so long. You always told me to stop and smell the roses, but I never did until now. They’re so beautiful, but you already knew that. That is why I bring you a radiant yellow rose on May 5th every year. Yellow was your favorite color, now wasn’t it? You always saw the better half in things.you always saw it the glass half full. Especially on that grey,miserable night.I don’t remember much from that night because I had been drinking and taking some kind of drug to help me forget my life. But, i do remember that You told me that I could do so much more. You told me that I could have a future if I put the drugs down. you told me to believe in myself. You told me so many things, so why couldn't i see that at the time? That was the last night I saw you, Jebonia. Jebonia, I miss you so bad. I don’t even know why i am writing this letter. You are gone. died on that plain white hospital bed, ten years ago. Maybe it is to help me with the guilt that I was the reason why you died. If i was there to protect you, and not out beige drinking cheap beers and consuming whatever drug that the shady hoodlum had on him. You didn’t have to go out that night to find me, but you loved me and cared about me. Why did you love me so much? I didn’t deserve your love, but you didn’t care. You loved me unconditionally. I didn’t and i still don’t know why you loved me because i was completely worthless. I was a raging alcoholic. I was addicted to so many drugs that I couldn't even count on my hands.some of the drugs i couldn’t even pronounce and others i didn’t even know what they were.I guess ever since mom died, i lost myself. But you were the only other person that truly cared about me besides mom. You cared so much that one night you came out looking for me because you haven’t seen me in days. Crime was inevitable to avoid that night. You saw that woman getting robbed that night.  Why did you have to protect that woman from  getting robbed on the streets? You always wanted to protect people no matter the cost, even if it cost your life. That was the difference between us back than. You always wanted to protect things, I always wanted to destroy things. Why did the man have to pull a gun out and shoot my brother?  Why does the world have to be so cruel? It has been ten years Jebonia, and they still haven’t found that man. The woman made it out alive though. You would be happy to hear that your efforts of protecting that woman wasn't in vain. She sometimes comes to visit your grave with me. I know it is wrong to think that I wish it was her instead of you because I just want to see you one last time. The doctors were the best of the best but they couldn’t save your life. But after that night, I turned my life around. I stopped drinking and doing drugs. I became a writer and wrote a New york times best seller. And guess what? The book is about you. I used your name and everything, if that’s okay? It took me years to publish it, because I was afraid of what people were gonna say about it. The book started out as just the amazing things we did when we were young. I had so much anger and regret so I just started writing down the good things that we did together. That really helped me. Then one weekend I went up to the mountains in the spring. Once I got near the top, the sun started to set. I found a yellow rose. That was last year and  was the first time I cried since that one night. I knew how much you loved yellow roses when we were kids. You would always ask mom if you could get them. You would start begging if mom would say no until she would buy them. You always said that they smelled the best between all the roses. I didn’t realize the real reason why you wanted them until you told me that you were giving them to this girl named Amy. After the first time I saw Amy with you, I knew they would stay till death. But who knew you would die so soon. Amy never remarried after you died and had your baby boy who is now 10. She just continued her father’s milk business. She was never really the same after that night. Her personality became dim, but she seemed strong on the outside but I knew it was dieing inside. But your son on the other hand, was just like you. He was kind, caring, and he is always protective of his mother. I think that’s what kept her going was him. She named him after you, jebonia jr.. I wish you were still alive, brother, so you could see all the great things that have happened. I have gotten married to a beautiful woman that loves me for me. I have two lovely kids. You also have a lovely child. I wish you could have met your son. You would be surprised at how much he is like you. It has been getting easier to accept that you are dead but I still miss you. This will be the last letter I will be writing to you, so this will be my last Goodbye. I will remember to slow down and smell the roses because life is too beautiful to not do that. You will always be in my heart and I will live for you. Goodbye My Brother.

Love Gemini.