Role Model

“Please. Don’t do it.” My sweat sheened hands are shaking as I grip the phone tight, begging him not to leave.

I was met with soul crushing silence. My heart thuds louder.

“I love you, John! Why are you doing this!” I plead into the receiver.

               The phone abruptly disconnects, and I am left listening to the echoing ring of the dial tone, tears silently streaming down from my swollen eyes. I sense that I am not alone and glance to my right. I see Robo, the Housekeeping Robot 2.4 that John insisted I have. It was staring back at me with those blank features and empty metallic eyes.

“GET OUT OF HERE!” I scream. “Go make yourself useful!” I slam the door shut behind it, rattling the knickknacks on my dresser.   

All I want to do is be alone. Wallowing in my catatonic misery. I don’t think I have never felt pain like this before.

As I lay here, limp and lifeless in my bed, I hear something knocking against the wall in the other room. Bang, bang, bang. A rhythmic beating against the water damaged stucco. I use every bit of strength I can muster to peel myself up from the comfort of my tear-stained sheets, and I slowly creek open the door to my bedroom, revealing the rest of my dark, dank, apartment.

Goddamnit, Robo.

The 3-foot tall, shiny, mute robot on wheels was repeatedly ramming into the wall. Forward and backward, forward and backward.

Why did John even want me to have this fucking thing? It’s proved to be nothing but an uncoordinated annoyance, and now a painful reminder of him.

“Robo, stop! You’re going to bust a whole in the wall! Are you stupid!?Are you broken?! What the hell is wrong with you!”

                I let Robo have it. I scream until my vocal cords hurt, until my voice cracks, and my face is beet red, and I begin to feel lightheaded. I kick Robo as hard as I can, hoping to break its stupid wheels, but they didn’t even budge. It felt good, nonetheless. Unleashing all my anger on Robo, I feel a bit better than I did just moments ago, anguishing over the fresh wounds of being dumped.

               As I look around my apartment, I realize just how much of a disaster it is. Dirty dishes overflowing from the sink, bits of sour food scattered across the crusty countertops. There’s a constellation of stains covering the carpeted living room floor, and a thick layer of dust coats my shoddy, wooden tv stand. Clearly, Robo is not performing the job duties that it was programmed to do. Figures.

               Robo is now facing me, awkward humanoid features seemingly peering right through me.

“Good.” I bark. “So at least you can understand me.”

**************************************************************************

Strange. This human is leaking. Why is this human leaking?

I need to fix human’s leak.

Don’t worry, I will fix you.

SLAM.

Human is alone in that room now. But human is leaking! I need to fix leak!

I will break through this wall. I will save you human. I will fix your leak. That is my job. I will fix you.

Forward, backward. Forward, backward. Keep going. Must get to human. Must get through wall. Human is leaking.

Aha! Human heard me! Human is coming back to get me! So, I can help!

Human said I am a stupid robot. I am a broken robot. I think human is so pleased, because I fixed the leak!

Human is not leaking anymore. I am so glad. Human is fixed. I am a stupid, broken robot!

*************************************************************

“Clean this shit up, Robo!” I demanded. “I know you understand me! Look at this mess! I’m not playing games with you, stupid robot.”

I keep my glare locked on the little bastard as it slowly retreats deeper into the living room and begins mechanically putting things back in order. Finally. With strained, stiff movements Robo is doing its housekeeping duties. Sure, I have to watch the damn thing like a hawk to make sure it gets the job done, but it’s not like I have anything better to do anyway…now that John is gone.

               With that thought, agony races back to me and my eyes fill with tears once more, until they break the dam of my lower eyelids and pour onto the carpet beneath me. Oh, John. Why don’t you love me anymore?

I am snapped back to the current moment by an immense and sudden pain on my foot. It’s Robo. In my distraction, I didn’t notice him barreling towards me at full steam, crashing right into me. This giant hunk of stupid metal just about broke my toe!  Are you kidding me?!

In one split second, my sorrow is gone, my river of tears runs dry, and fury seizes me in it’s shroud of intense, fiery, emotions. I begin launching anything I can get my hands on at that good for nothing chunk of aluminum, while it tries in vain to dodge the spew of flying objects. Clink, Clank, Clink. Each hit connecting with Robo produces a loud metal echo before ricocheting off, flinging broken debris across the room. Books, table lamps, dishes, whatever is in my line of grasp. “Your useless, you can’t even catch anything…. pathetic!” I ridicule.

“That’s it.” I snarl. “I’m getting rid of you.”

************************************************************

Human says I need to clean up mess. So, I will clean now.

Human is watching me, watching me clean up mess, & I am making human so happy!

I am doing such a good job. She is watching me, watching me, watching me. Her stupid, broken robot!

She. She is my human. And I am her robot. Her.

Oh no. Another leak. My human is leaking again!

Don’t worry, I will fix you.

You. You are my human. I am your robot.

I am coming, my human!

I was so fast to her rescue, and now she is fixed again! No more leak.

She is so pleased with me; she wants to play a game! Game. Catch.

I love to catch! And I am catching everything!

I am so good at this game! My human is so happy that I fixed her leak!

I love playing games with you, my human.

Clink, Clank, Clink.

*************************************************************

  I yank Robo towards me and begin to aggressively disassemble it, preparing to shove it back in the now torn, crinkled cardboard box it came in. Unbelievable. Right when I thought things couldn’t worse, I have to deal with disposing of this malfunctioned piece of scrap metal.

As I roughly loosen the bolts that hold together these sorry excuse for arms, Robo rolls back, out of reach. What the...?

“Stay still, I need to take you apart for fuck’s sake!” I demand.

                I try again to finish removing its extremities. But, again, it rolls back even further from my reach. This time I’m not taking no for an answer… I block Robo in the corner of the room and there is nowhere for it to escape now. I’m seething.

“I said…stay…still!” WHACK

************************************************************

So much fun with you, my human. Catch me if you can!

I love this game.

I think my human wants a turn now.

This time, she can catch. And I will throw. That will make her so happy!

Catch, human! Catch, catch, catch! Look how fast I can throw!

She is so good at this game, my human caught everything!

And now, I will take you apart for fuck’s sake!

Stay still human! You must...stay...still!

This game is so much fun, too!  My human is so pleased with me!

I am so glad to be your stupid, broken robot. And I am so glad you are my human!

WHACK

Oh no.

You’re leaking again…

*************************************************************

               My bruised body aches. Everywhere. I try to reach for the ledge of the couch to pull myself up, but nothing happens. Nothing reaches. My arms. They’re gone.

I’m lying on the rough carpet, deep red blood is blooming all around me, masking the universe of stains that was once the focal point. Dishes, splintered chairs, seemingly random objects lay scattered and broken around my limp, disheveled body. Objects that Robo had just hurdled at me, with un-imaginable speed. Choking, gasping for air. I manage to weakly turn my head and look at Robo. It’s right next to me, those lifeless humanoid features, those empty metallic eyes, they’re staring all the way through me.

A tear forms in my eye, and slowly, but naturally, travels its course down my bloodied cheek. Leaving a path of clean skin behind it.

For the first time, I hear a soft, cheerful, computerized voice emanate from the Housekeeping Robo 2.4.

“Don’t worry, I will fix you”

I barely manage to breathe my reply, “Please. Don’t do it.”