My Angel

    “She’s an angel,” I whispered as I looked down at the baby cradled in my arms. 

    This, the fact that my baby girl was an angel, was the only thing I was certain of. I had no idea how to be a parent, had never even wanted to be one. But looking down at the glistening eyes of my daughter, I knew that things had changed for me. I would love this sweet little girl even after death had claimed me.

    “What would you like to name her Miss?” 

    “Tien,” I replied, tearing my gaze from the sleeping baby. “Her name is Tien.” 

    I had never dreamed that I would ever have a child to name. Even when I had found out I was pregnant all those months ago, I had not planned to keep the child growing inside of me. I had, instead, planned to give the baby up for adoption as soon as it- she- was born. Of course, seeing her now, I knew that I would never, could never let go. 

    “Your mother is waiting outside, would you like me to bring her in?” a nurse asked thoughtfully. 

    “Yes. Please.” 

    “Oh, Darling! She’s gorgeous!” a high, feminine voice sounded throughout the room a few moments later.

    “Would you like to hold her?”

    “Of course!” 

    I smiled, passing the baby to my mother’s waiting arms. 

    “My gorgeous, gorgeous granddaughter,” she cooed lightly. “What did you name her?”

    “Tien.” 

    My mother looked up at me with a smile, slight surprise coloring her eyes. 

    She was remembering, just as I was, the stories she had told me as a little girl. 

    “You don’t need to be scared, Annie. Your guardian angel is looking after you. Place your faith in her and she will always protect you.” 

    “What’s she like Mommy?” 

    “Well, let’s see. She’s beautiful and she’s smart. She loves the color blue, like your eyes. And she loves you very, very much.”

    “What’s her name?”

    “Tien. Her name is Tien.” 

    “I didn’t know you remembered those old stories, Annie.” 

    “Of course I remember.”

    “It’s fitting,” Mother murmured, passing my daughter back to me. “Are you… Does this mean you’re keeping her?” 

    “I am. I don’t know the first thing about being a parent, Mom, but I want to learn, I want to try. I thought- I thought that this was something I would never want, but I love her. I love her so, so much.” 

    “It’s okay, Annie. I’ll be here, right beside you. We can do this together.” 

    Tears glistened in my eyes as I looked back down at Tien. To think that there was ever a time when I was willing to give her up. It made my head spin. 

    “I love you, Tien. Forever and always.”

___ 

    A piercing scream filled the previously silent room. 

    “I’m coming Tien,” I whispered as I stumbled my way out of bed and to the crib in which she layed. 

    Lifting her up, I pulled her close to my chest, rocking her. 

    “Shh, it’s alright. I’m here,” I cooed, hoping to calm her down. 

    Her little hands formed little fists as she thrashed. 

    “Are you hungry?” I questioned. 

    I took the following scream as a yes and moved my shirt to allow her access to my breast. As she fed, I continued my gentle rocking. When she finally let go, but still hadn’t calmed, I moved across the room to the window. 

    “Look at the stars Tien. Grandma says that when we pass, when it’s our time, we join the stars. We become a big, glittering star high up in the sky to watch over our family members still on Earth. Your daddy is one of those stars, Tien. You never got to meet him, but he’s looking after you all the time. And when it’s your time, you’ll get to join him up there in the sky.” 

    Tien only gurgled up at me in the way babies do. She looked content and not sleepy at all. I knew, in the way mothers know, that as soon as I put her down, she’d resume her screaming. 

    “At least you’ve quieted down,” I sighed, moving back to the bed. 

    Carefully, I laid down again, keeping Tien cradled to my chest. 

    “You sure do like keeping me up though, don’t you, my angel.” 

    Another gurgle sounded in response. I let out a breathy laugh and leaned my head back against the pillows behind me. 

    “I love you, Tien. Forever and always.” 

___ 

    “Come on Tien, let’s get everything cleaned up. Grandma’s going to be here soon.” 

    “Yay! Gamma!” she shouted back. 

    “That’s right, Gamma. Now help me put all the crayons back in the box.” 

    “Gamma! Gamma! Gamma!” Tien shouted, dancing away from the table and the mess she was supposed to be cleaning. 

    I sighed, trying to hold back a laugh. Tien was always so full of energy, bouncing from one thing to another. She could never sit still, she always had to be moving. It was one of the many traits she had inherited from her father. 

    “Come on Tien! Help me clean this up or you won’t be getting dessert tonight!” I called. 

    “But I like dessert Mommy,” she cried, running back into the room at full speed. 

    “Well, you’ll only get dessert if you pick up these crayons. Right now.” 

    Tien nodded furiously and made a mad dash for the crayon box. Hurriedly, she collected all of the wax coloring utensils and dumped them into their container. 

    “Look, Mommy! I did it, I did it! Do I get dessert now?” 

    “Yes Tien, you get dessert,” I replied, allowing myself to laugh this time. 

    “Yay! Yay!” she yelled, running away once again. 

    I laughed again and followed her out to the living room. 

    “Be careful Tien, the tickle monster is out to get you!” 

    “No! Not the tickle monster!” 

    With a playful roar, I ran after Tien, chasing her around the house until I had her scooped up in my arms. 

    “I’ve got you!” I called, tickling her ribs. 

    “Aah! Mommy no!” she giggled. 

    I put her down a few moments later, feeling my heart melt as she hugged my legs. 

    “I love you, Mommy.” 

    “I love you too, Tien. Forever and always,” I replied, leaning down to hug her back. 

    I love you so, so much and I can’t wait to see the beautiful person you’ll turn out to be, my angel.