Snap Crackle Pop

Snap crackle pop

This story mentions mental and physical health problems

Snap, crackle, pop, went the Rice Krispies, snap crackle, pop, went her bones, especially her knees. She wondered if there was a connection? Those old adverts did used to make the statement, ‘Rice Krispies, full of snap crackle and pop’. Maybe she’d eaten far too many of them over the years? After all you are meant to be what you eat, Aren’t you?

She coughed, spluttering and wheezing from laughing over her own little joke. 

Her health wasn’t what it used to be. Breathing itself wasn’t so easy these days. She likened her current state of health with someone she knew, who was much older than herself. Patty her neighbour was 75 and had lung disease. She herself didn’t have lung disease. To her knowledge her lungs were completely fine. She did however, have 36 years worth of a build up of nerve damage. Her lower back had already started to naturally fuse itself, her neck was almost completely straitened, shoulders starting to hunch forward and she was a little over weight. But all the above put together didn’t compare to the pure agony of her knee pain and stiffness, from the arthritis she already had at the age of 49. 

In fact she’d probably had it since she was 13. That’s when it had all started with her knees collapsing here and there, then clicking when they moved. The only difference was back then there had been no pain involved. Now however, just trying to bend down was practically impossible. When she tried it involved a lot of “ow ow ow ow ow”. If she made it all the way to the floor, she couldn’t get back up without someone to help her, and the tears from the amount of immense pain were impossible to stop.

She always had to stand a moment crying on her daughters shoulder, being unable to hide the pain from her anymore. She felt like all of life’s dignity had been stolen away from her.

From the amount of pain she was already in, she saw little hope for her or her daughters future. 

Knowing she already needed her daughter to bend down and tie her shoes for her, and she hadn’t even turned 50 yet. If her knees carried on like this, she could only see her daughter having to push her around in a wheelchair. An ironic reversal of fortune from 30 years ago, when her daughter was a baby being pushed around in her pram.

“Its ok mum, I’ve got you” Shelly soothed as she rocked her gently from side to side, after helping her up from the floor, while her mum tried to stop the tears falling from her eyes. 

Witnessing the severely traumatic effect, her mothers arthritis was causing, made Shelly cry inside for her. 

Her mum had always been such an independent woman, never asking anyone for help, just breezing through all the obstacles life threw at her, never giving up, always finding some kind of solution. But now she had become like a frail and broken little old lady, shattered into a former shadow of herself. Shelly wished she could take her mothers pain away. If magic wands were real, she would have used one to take her mothers pain and blast it off to outer space, (avoiding innocent aliens of course). To her knowledge they didn’t deserve pain either.

“I’m alright now Shelly, Thank-you sweetie” her mother sighed giving a faint smile, breaking Shelly out of her daydream of space and time.

“You don’t have to be brave for me mum, I know you’re no doubt, in a lot more pain than you’re letting me see. I’m here for you, just like you have been for me my whole life. I think it’s time you let me help you. Maybe we could look into some practical solutions together? So you can still have your independence? What do you think?”

Tanya didn’t reply, she knew Shelly was right but also she didn’t want to be defeated. She had spent her whole life pushing through on everything depression, anxiety, agoraphobia, social anxiety PTSD. She’d even managed to get through a case of trench foot without loosing her right foot. Hell, with the last two she could have been a soldier in the army! So why should she let physical pain from her arthritis and nerves be her downfall? She asked herself. 

A single tear dripped down her cheek at her daughters words. ‘Was it really time to start relying on someone else? Just because a slight crack in the tower, had loosened a brick enough to create a tumble down to nothing but rubble. Should she really give in now? 

“Maybe sweetie, I’ll have to think about it.” She replied with a sigh. 

She didn’t want to be a burden on her daughter, but she could also see Shelly had inherited that gentle stubborn streak from herself. 

If she didn’t go along willing, Shelly would find a way to help her anyway. And she was tired, not just physically and mentally tired, but full on exhausted to the extremity of physical collapse into a mental coma when she did get to sleep. Maybe she should face the fact that even though she wasn’t yet old, she had reached the mid point to 100. Being nearly 50 was likely more than halfway through her life, with her family history of averagely reaching their 60s before dying. Yes, some had been younger, her own mum had only been 34 when she died. The fact she had already lived more than a third of her life older than her own mum haunted her deeply. Though her Nan had been 61and her grandad 64. There were some who had actually been older, Her other Nan had been lucky enough to reach the age of 80. She was the lucky family long lifer, and she was her fathers mum. 

So it was all down to which of her genetics were on the dominant side! Even if she managed 80 too, that meant 30 years left, making 50 ten years into the second half of her life already.

“It’s alright mum, of course I’m not expecting you to decide right now. I know it’s a big decision for you, I just know there are lots of ways to stay independent.”

Shelly smiled, adding 

“I hope that when I get older, I’ll be even half the woman you are, you’re the bravest person I know. I don’t know how you do it mum.”

“You can’t know a lot of people then dearie!” Tanya joked.

“I’m serious mum, you really don’t give yourself the credit you deserve”

“Oh honey you really do make me smile. I’m just struggling through life the same as everyone else. Facing one challenge after another. Its all about balance in the end, and a positive outlook certainly helps.”

“I know mum but the amount of pain you live with isn’t right, especially when I know there are things that could help you. Simple things like pull up bars and higher seating, so you can move around easier for example.”

“Oh Shelly love I know you mean well, but I promise I’m ok. I will think about it though, as I most certainly enjoy my independence. Now, don’t you have to go and collect the boys from school?”

Shelly shook her head from side to side “Changing the subject won’t help mum, but yes I do have to go and collect Donnie, Frankie and Mikey from preschool. Then I have to make Paul’s dinner, so I’ll pop back over and see you for a bit tomorrow. Why don’t you take a look through those magazines, I put on the coffee table? Then we can talk again, before I pick you up and bring you back to mine for Christmas.”

“Ok sweetie, I like the idea of the handrails. I’ll have a look through while I’m waiting for Patty. She’s coming over for lunch at 2, maybe she will know of some nice ones, she has some herself.”

“That’s a lovely idea mum Love you”.

“Love you too hunnie, I’ll see you tomorrow. Bye bye”

After embracing Shelly goodbye for the day and waving her off. Tanya closed the door and returned to sit in the lounge.

She stood for a moment looking around at the Christmas decorations Shelly had put up for her.

Only last year she had been able to do it all herself.

She loved Christmas having all her children and grandchildren around her, the smiles on their faces as they opened their gifts. 

The tiny details like preparing the sprouts with crosses at the bottom so they would cook evenly. Setting the table neatly, with wine glasses holding cone folded serviettes inside to dress the dinner table up. Crackers spread alternately and evenly placed above the dessert spoons, ready to be pulled. Once pulled, everyone wearing their cracker crowns, taking turns to read the jokes and riddles. The laughter created from how cheesy and groan provoking those jokes are. 

When they were younger, watching the children play on their new toys that were opened with oohs and aaaahhs in the morning. After they’d run down the stairs, screaming excitedly about how Santa had been. The magic creations that were prepared the night before, like a snow shaped foot print or twenty, left to show his journey from the fireplace to the tree and back. 

The smile on your own face, knowing how you had used your husbands boots and sprinkled flour around the shape to create the magic in the first place. Even though there’s a slight bit of evidence left on them, where you didn’t have time to clean them up properly, but had to place them back on the rack. 

The children had run past and hadn’t even looked at the boots in the process, being far too excited about Santa having been and awestruck over the footprints themselves. Added to the crumbs from the mince pie, half eaten carrot and almost empty glass of milk left near the plate. Or maybe the carrot had been dropped by Rudolph, or another reindeer down the chimney near the fireplace as the sleigh had taken flight from the roof. On to the next home, after dropping the presents in under the tree. 

Now they’re older and moved away just having them over all back together. 

Staying overnight, so Tanya could host the Christmas dinner and have them all around her once more. The chatter, the laughter, the shared love had been the greatest memories she’d been able to make. But now it had all changed, now she relied on them, now they supported her. For the first time her Christmas hosting is all done. Now she’s left to wait to be taken to Shelly’s house for Christmas. So she can stay with her oldest daughter and Grandchildren, on Christmas Eve and wake up to a different kind of Christmas Day. 

Sure she would still hear the children’s laughter, see all her other children gathered together at Shelly’s house. The only real difference would be the tiny details changing to her being one of the guests. Shelly being the one in the kitchen preparing and cooking the dinner, Paul being the one to set up the table nicely, while she sat in a comfortable chair. Maybe playing a board game with the children or watching a Christmas show with them on tv, while Shelley and Paul worked on creating the tasty feast. Maybe Shelly would be kind enough to let her put the tiny crosses on the sprouts for her still? After all that wasn’t just something she had done as a mother, it was also something she had done as a child, with her own mother. It was a Christmas memory as old as herself, something she looked forward to redoing and reminiscing over. It wasn’t a lot, but it was a part of her whole life story. A timeless simple, yet powerful reminder of the magic Christmas brought into her life.‘Yes this year it will all be so different, this year Shelley will be the host, but I can still be the one to prepare the sprouts, I can still have my own little piece of Christmas magic.’ She thought to herself and sighed.

After this year things would never be the same. It was both exciting and completely overwhelming to know that nothing would ever be the same again. 

‘Ding Dong’ the doorbell went. Tanya realised it was already 2pm, she’d spent so long remembering about Christmas past, comparing it to Christmas future and how it was going to go. She had completely forgotten to look through the magazines Shelley had left on the coffee table. No matter, Patty’s Son was good at DIY, he’d put patty’s handrails up for her. 

Maybe Patty would have a good idea which rails would be best for her? They could look through the magazine’s together. 

She got up, starting to move and once again snap, crackle, pop, went her knees as she hobbled towards the door to answer it. 

The End.