Past Friendships

Contains: Murder and someone dying

The light was golden. The grass shimmered green and the big gnarled oak stood against the sunset, alone atop its hill. Only the shadows showed their colour. Everything else was dyed in a honeyed glow. My breath was ragged in my chest. Every step rustled and sweat dripped into my collar, running down my back. I made it to the tree’s shade and wiped my forehead with the back of my hand.

Geez, I’’m out of shape.

We used to run up and down the hill, throwing ourselves down it to roll to the bottom, jumping up, and running back up again. I groaned and put a hand on my thigh. A swing. The tree has a swing. I staggered to it.

It was occupied. 

He wore a baseball hat with a smiley face on it, white with a blue brim. His ripped orange hoodie was pushed past the elbows and they were kicking their green converse sneakers against the dirt. White and black checkered trousers completed the ridiculous outfit. 

I coughed phlegm and they turned.

My friend looked back at me. My friend looked into my eyes, took a breath, and smiled.

We were looking at each other. Actually looking at each other.

“They used your graduation photo.” I couldn’t feel my lips move.

They frowned. “That’s an awful photo.”

“It’s the only you had a suit in.”

“But I looked awful.”

“Why are you alive?”

He looked away and mumbled.

“What?”

He gripped the brim of his hat and pulled it low, mumbling again.”

“Stop that! Just say it!”

They did, through clenched teeth. “I’m not.”

“What do you mean you’re not?”

“I’m not. Alive. I’m not alive.”

“Oh.” I stood there.

His hands trembled, gripping the swing’s ropes.

I nodded.  “It wouldn’t have made sense if you were.”

He swung a little, his heels pushing the swing backwards, then dragging his toes against the dirt as he swung forwards.

“Hey.”

“Yea?” The word felt thick on my tongue.

“Why’d you kill me?”

“Because you killed Cindy.”

“So?”

The branches above my head whistled in the wind. The sun was red now, but nothing else was. I reached up and scrabbled my way onto the sitting branch. I hugged the tree, breathing hard through clenched teeth. I couldn’t tell if it was the sky getting darker or it was just the shadows playing tricks. Chess started twisting the swing’s ropes together, their feet making a pat pat pat pat pat as they twisted it. I hugged my leg to my chest, the other swinging free.

“Why did you kill Cindy?”

Through the leaves, he looked up at me. His hat started to fall, and he slapped a hand over it to keep it in place. 

“Cindy is a thief and a liar. I did what was right.”

“She isn’t–She wasn’t a thief, and she wasn’t a liar either! Why did you kill her?”

He let himself go, spinning with his legs straight out. 

“Did you kill her because of me?” My hands were cold.

“She was a bad influence.” Pat pat pat pat pat

“Why did you kill her?”

“She knows you’re mine and she kept you away from me and lied to you about it!” He roared, bounding to his feet, the swing flailing away behind him.

“You killed her because she hung out with me?” My voice trembled. Everything trembled. I raised a hand to my face and saw it was trembling, too.

Chess rounded on me. Their fists were clenched and their finger stabbed accusingly at me. It too trembled. “You killed me because of her! Do I matter that little to you? Is she more important?”

“She could have been, so what?”

Chess was still pointing at me. More of him trembled. His jaw was clenched so hard his words were barely more than a growl.

“You said I could love you. I told you what my love was the day we met!” They started screaming, “You were fine with it until you met her!”

“We met when we were five.” I couldn’t scream.

He went still, his gaze smoldering into mine. 

“You were fine with it until you met her.” Even his voice burned.

The wind was cold.

“I was.”

His lips compressed and he went back to the swing. The light was fading. I pulled my jacket closer around me.

Whenever you sat in the tree it felt like you were the only thing in the world. All you could hear was the leaves. Through the branches I could see a star. In the suburbs you could see a few sometimes.

“Did it look like I was sleeping?”

He was pushing the swing back and forth by just rolling their feet, heel to toe, hat covering his face.

“It was a closed casket.”

“Oh. I thought my mom would’ve done an open one.”

“I think the embalming dude said you were too messed up for him to do anything.”

“Geez.”

The wind was so cold. I tried to hug my jacket closer.

“Did anyone cry?”

I smiled. “Mary and uhh, what’s his name…the Indian guy.”

“Kabir?”

“No, the exchange student.”

“He’s Pakistani.”

“Whatever.”

“Nice.” He chortled. 

Someone was playing music. When the wind quieted it too went quiet, however as the wind strengthened so did the sound, and it started wailing, blaring in the distance – coming closer.

Pat pat pat pat pat.

“Are those for you?” There was a smile in Chess’s voice.

“Yeah, probably.”

“Who caught you?”

“Lesly.”

His feet flew as he spun.

“Lesly’s pretty smart.”

“Yeah. They went to the gravel pit. I tried to catch ‘em but they had a gun.”

“Was it the one with the resin flower handle? That one’s cool. I’m surprised their brother let them take it.”

“I don’t think he did. I couldn’t see it.”

I looked at my leg and loosened my hands. The bleeding had slowed. I couldn’t put my hands back around it. 

The star was bright, and the sky was dark. The sirens were far away, crying from a different world. From beneath a wool blanket, from a dark basement and under dirt and gravel, the blue and red like a night sky and blood. 

“Chess?” 

“Hmm?”

“Why did you want to meet me here?”

“This is where we said our vows.”

“Ten-year-olds can’t get married.” I slurred.

“Still, minors can’t get married.” I laughed. Married. I laughed again.

“We said our vows. Till death do us part.”

“It already did us apart. You’re dead.” I tried to breathe. “Is that why you said if you died you wanted us all to come here?”

“I wanted to know where you’d be after I died.”

“Why?”

“So I could kill you.”

I couldn’t get the breath to laugh. “Why aren’t you killing me?”

He looked up. It was too dark to see his face. All I could see was the faint reflection of red, blue, red, blue in his eyes.

I let my head fall back against the tree trunk. It made a loud thunk and I think I felt it. My hands were at my sides. I have to put them on my leg, but my leg isn’t where it was before. Oh. It’s hanging down, too. So are my hands. Weird. I tried to shrug but gave up on that too.

“Remember when we buried those lollipops so Lesly and Cindy wouldn’t get to them? I wonder if they’re still there.” I whispered with unmoving lips.

Chess didn’t answer me. A cop did.

I don’t know what they said.