For two years now, John had been following tradition, fashion and all the other johns to embark in a new year resolutions because to him, that is how it is done by many and since he is one of those many he joined in the ritual of the resolution setting each new year.
For that two years, he had failed himself or rather crossed out each item in his lengthy list he had no intention of seeing through from Day one and assured himself that it was how many does it. They betray the list not themselves. Many. Why he always add his name to that ‘many' list at times surprises him.
It sounds to him like someone joining the loser’s club with all pleasure without anyone or force nudging him. The thing is that he seems to be the one dragging all the evils, demons and the bad lucks of the present year into the next year in the name of a resolution. “But how does those that achieve many things in their list, some even all before the end of the year do that?” he queried himself.
He have contemplated in his confusion to desist from any thing called new year resolutions but his confusion deepened when he learnt from his close acquaintance that his move is typical example of the reasons why his resolutions doesn't work and to what sounded like a garnished insult, the man added: “I suspect that this your mentality must be the reason your life is as it is” “what is the meaning of that comment?” he silently queried himself as he eyed the man.
He laughed that comment away but it stuck to his memory like glue pushing him into anger and laughter whenever it flashes to his mind.
“ how is my life?”
He sighed loud enough for many to eyed him with scrutiny wondering If he is that sound at all. Their looks added to his anger. He concluded that many is viewing him as not measuring up. Now, they are seeing him as not being sound all courtesy of new year resolution. “Fuck resolution and fuck new year” whistled out of his mouth unconsciously and warranted another round of scrutiny and spacing from those around him, some his drinking buddies.
He searched his head and wondered if truly it is the reason why his life is as it is. His willpower is weak and he always feed the weakness with his utterances, litany of seeing failures like him and focusing on them as excuses and looking the other way when he sees achievers, winners even making up reasons for their triumph and inadequacies only him is seeing.
He decided that before twelve midnight that very day, he will have few triumph over his weakness. What is spurring him on is not even will to better his life but to cancel utterances he regards as insult from many he considered not equal to him. He shake his head in self pity when that line of thought came to mind. is it not funny that what he is viewing as insult from those beneath him is exactly as they are seeing him? Tout below them.
He placed his bottle on the table in front of him starring into empty space in anger to no one in particular, lost in thought.
After what looked like eternity to him, he came to the conclusion that, to defeat his weakness, he have to handle the following resolution starting in few minutes as he does to other things he rated as not important to him.
What’s even that he rated as failure in his life outside economic growth? The society he is in views not being wealthy as sign of failure and poverty as a curse or illiteracy. If you are not cursed or illiterate, how come you don’t have money or have control over yourself and in an ass hole nation like ours where everything goes? That is general line of thought in community he found himself and that made sense to him. Organized person should be wealthy in a society he found himself.
No marriage at 37, no car, no personal house but family one, no donations to any organizations, no sign of importance, sharing flat in the city with two other drinking and womanizing buddies. He is just floating, hoping to land somewhere favorable.
That kind of mentality is exactly why his life is as it is. Maybe even, that must be what his nonsense acquaintance was referring to with his insult.
He took out his pen and long note and went to work of listing his new year resolutions that will be starting that midnight and when he is through, the number increased by 20 percent from the two previous years. With determination he had never encounter before, he folded it and put it in his chest pocket.
Not even as if he was total failure like some are implying with their comments but somethings he never considered important to add in his previous resolutions, he achieved them easily and yet, some found them difficult to achieve in their own list.
Such situation made him to wonder if the so call achievements and willpower doesn’t start and end in the mind. Mindset must have been the key.
Environment one founds himself helps a lot too. If you are struggling to stop drinking, you will found it extra hard to achieve if you are around drunkards 24 hours. Trying to settle down, you will found it hard to do if your friends and people around you are womanizers, trying to save money, it will be hard for you to achieve with three or four girls as your bed-mates and drinkers and smokers as your cohorts.
Environment you are in contributes a lot in helping one achieve his new year resolution with ease. He brought out his list, eyed them for a long time before refolding it and putting it back in his pocket. He got up and took out his phone and called a number and after speaking to the person at the other end for a long time, he eyed his watch and found out that it is about 45 minutes to midnight on the December 31st, he left without saying anything to his friends around him. He just ignored their calls and concerns and faced towards the major road heading to where only he knows.
A few minutes later, he was with a house agent checking out a flat in the part of the town he knew was occupied mainly by born-again Christians. Whether they are real or fake doesn’t matter to him. If they are faking the acts required of a true Christian outside their abode, and living their true life behind closed doors, that suits him well. He isn't planning on any house calls or spying on anyone, excuses are not what he is plotting to feed himself again.
If they hide inside their houses after service each Sunday and are busy each day attending one religious meeting or another, he intends to stay inside his house and read books or watch documentaries before joining one group in the church near him. Time to have buddies from the opposite side of the spectrum.
His plans are well mapped out for next year. He paid the full six months’ rent upfront, called cleaners to start cleaning the flat that night, search for movers, and packed his few properties from his shared flat to his new abode.
“The far I moved away from this street, the better” he murmured.
He went to a sim cards dealer and changed his lines as he packed into his new abode without forwarding the address to anyone. To achieve his aim of saving 30 percent of all his disposable income each month will by September be enough to buy him a brand new wife. As he lay on his bed facing the ceiling, he eyed his watch and found out it is a minute to midnight on December 31st, 2022. He smiled triumphantly to himself.