At the End of the Rainbow

“Goodbye,” I whisper as I slowly and reluctantly, loosen my grasp on her stiff body. 

I can see tears fighting to push past her eyes but she holds them in tight, but I can see the pain in her face, like she is holding back the whole ocean. 

“Goodbye,” she sniffles back. 

I feel like a knife has punctured my heart when I hear the agony that is consuming her voice. I too, can feel the ache crawling up my esophagus and rotting in my mouth. A thousand words could not sum up the tormenting voice in my mind, the voice that knows how much I will miss her. 

I feel like my heart has shattered against the cool concrete that we stand on. I want to reach down and collect the pieces, to glue them back together, but I know that hers is broken too and there is no way to decipher which pieces are who's. 

My rough hand is callused and blistered from hours at work, but with her soft touch my palm is immediately overwhelmed with warmth and love. It is the love that heals. The love that can move mountains. The love that I will feel empty without. 

I choke out words that make sense in my mind but turn to gibberish when they meet the crisp atmosphere that surrounds me. It is like that oxygen has stolen my voice and manipulated it to speak another language, a secret language that only I can understand. 

She silences me with a finger to my chapped lips. I know that with her gesture I couldn’t say anything to express how I feel, because she knows, she feels it too. She feels the happiness that hangs right above her head, but she can’t reach it unless I hold her up. We can’t grasp happiness without each other. She needs me to lift her and I need her to hold. 

I resort to the only option I can take to indicate how I feel. I wrap my arms around her one last time and I feel her firm arms hold me back. Her tears soak my plaid shirt and I let out a painful laugh in spite of the moment. I laugh to lighten the mood. I laugh for her, an aimless attempt to make her smile. 

She means everything to me. She is like a ray of sunlight that brightens any being around her. I was lucky enough to be one of those people. 

It’s only once in a lifetime that one meets someone like her, but you never know if she is the one until she vanishes as fast as she appeared. 

I can’t help thinking that I took advantage of her. It’s like a simple flower with vibrant colors that fill your eyes but you never notice its true beauty until a winter storm blows the vine away. I never knew how much I loved her until I had to let her go. 

And now she is gone. I watch as her sun-kissed, golden hair bounces and settles on her fur coat as she finds her way to the car door. With one last look, her emerald eyes meet mine and I can feel every beat of her heart. It is like it is pulsing through the ground and I have matched it, connecting us, making us one single heart beat. 

“See you soon,” I blurt, trying not to let the suffering in my voice show. 

“See you,” she responds. 

As she leaves I can see the memories fading away. Everything we did together, every happy moment we shared is slowly leaving my mind. I will always remember the highlights of our time together, but those little points in time, those short minutes where she would make me smile, I just can’t seem to hold one to. There were so many times that remembering them all is impossible. We will just have to make more. Someday. Sometime. 

I retreat to my own car and drive home, the whole time listening to music that reminds me of her, slow classics that help me feel the presence of her within my heart. I tap my toe to the unpredictable beats as I turn down back roads that will take me home. 

Suddenly, I feel silence. I don’t hear silence, because I can hear the low thrumming of drums that back up the melody, no I feel the silence. Silence feels like loneliness, it feels like emptiness. Silence feels like there is nothing left.  

Outside my car window I can see the brilliant sun beating down on me, like it is trying to brighten my day. I want to smile. I want to laugh. But most of all, I want to be with her, and that is something I lost.

  After a few more lefts and a few more rights I see some clouds passing by. They release a light rain but the dreary drops of water are overpowered by the glorious sun. I long for the rain to erase my sadness and I yearn for the sun to light a fire within me. 

Out of the corner of my eye I catch a glimpse of color. It is a medium between pastel and lively hues that add contrast to light blue sky. A rainbow. 

Immediately after I spot the arch of colorful light, a message is sent to my phone. The notification takes me aback as I pull off the side of the road to read it. 

Hey, I will always miss you and I will always love you and I will always be here for you. If you ever need me you can find me at the end of the rainbow, where I will be waiting to relive and make new memories, because our friendship, it can never be lost.... 

She will always bask under the same warm sun as me, and she will always gaze at the same moon as me. She will always be out there and one day I will find her again and at that, I can’t help but smile.