Crazy Talk

The sight of the pink plastic tea set in front of me brings just about as much joy as my roommate Helen gets when the guards give her the dose of Heroin she needs each day to survive. Cautiously, scared the tea set could be the fruits of another self-induced manic fit, I reach out and wrap my bony hand around the tea pot's handle. Then I glance up at Anna Louise, who is sitting in the little plastic stool in front of me.

"Annie Lou, would you like a cup of tea?" I ask politely.

Anna Louise nods, and I promptly pour her a nice big cup of tea and pass her the cup. Then I pour myself one before setting down the tea pot and lifting the cup to my lips.

"Mm, delicious," I sigh, and set the cup back down. Then I turn around to where Helen lies, curled up in the corner. "Helen, would you like some?"

But Helen doesn't reply. She's shaking, eyes wide and alarmed. Sweat beads on her forehead and tears pour out of her eyes involuntarily. The floor beneath her is stained brown from diarrhoea and when she glances at me the connection doesn't last even a second before she projectile vomits all over herself.

I shrug and turn back to Anna Louise. I notice that her tea is untouched and going cold.

"Annie Lou, why aren't you drinking your tea?" I ask, pouting. "I made it special for you!"

Before Anna Louise can reply, the heavy metal door on the other side of the room shudders. I watch it intently, staring as the smiley face I scratched onto the back of it moves aside to reveal Patrick.

"Hey Pat!" I wave cheerfully, earning myself a half-hearted smile from the doctor. "Would you like some tea?"

Patrick shakes his head. "No thanks, Gabby. I'm just here for Helen."

Then he crouches down in front of Helen and grabs her arm. She hisses and spits at him. I don't know why. I like Patrick

Withdrawing a large needle, Patrick inserts it into Helen's arm and squeezes the syringe full of Heroin into her bloodstream. Once he removes the needle Helen claps a hand over the puncture wound and lifts it to her face, poking her tongue through her fingers and licking it. Patrick slaps her hand away.

"Stop that. You get an infection," He scolds. Then he straightens and walks out of the room without looking back at me.

"Bye Pat!" I say, with the same level of enthusiasm as my greeting. I receive a raised hand over the should in reply before the door slides shut again and I'm left looking at the smiley face.

I sigh contentedly and look at Helen again. "I like Pat, don't you?"

Helen is much better already. She isn't sweating so much, and she's unclenched her muscles.

She casts a dirty look at me. "Shut up, freak."

"Are you sure you don't want any tea?"

"You mean air?"

"No, I mean tea."

"Fuck off."

I do as I'm told, because I'm a good girl. That's what the psychiatrist tells me when I listen to her.

Once again, when I look at Anna Louise, she still hasn't touched her tea.

"Annie Lou," I chastise, "It's very rude not to drink tea you asked for!"

When Anna Louise still doesn't drink her tea, I stand up angrily. "Annie Lou, you are the rudest girl I ever met!" I scream and throw the tea pot at her. Then I feel bad and say, "I'm sorry, Annie Lou. I didn't mean to throw that at you."

The next second, I find myself on the floor with Helen standing over me.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" She screams. She's hit me on the back of the head, making me fall over.

"That wasn't very nice!" I yell back, tears welling in my eyes. "That hurt!"

Helen's chest moves very fast with exertion. When she talks, her voice isn't a yell anymore, but a dangerous whisper.

"I swear to God, if you don't stop talking to yourself, I will kill you!" She spits.

"But I'm not talking to myself!" I protest earnestly. I point my finger at Anna Louise. "I'm talking to Anna Louise! But she likes it when I call her Annie Lou."

"God, your so fucking insane," Helen mutters to herself. Then she addresses me directly and pokes me right in the forehead. "Your brain is actual mush."

"No, it's not!" I giggle. "If it was mush, I wouldn't be able to talk!"

"I wish you couldn't talk," Helen mumbles as she turns away.

I stand up and brush myself off. When I look back at the table, I find that Anna Louise has left, her tea untouched.

"Oh," I say dejectedly. "Bye-bye, Annie Lou!"

Back in her corner, Helen scoffs. I ignore her and skip across the cold, hard floor to the door.

"Hello smiley!" I say warmly, addressing the smiley face on the back of the door. "I'm gonna draw you some friends."

I raise my right hand to the metal surface and use my thumbnail to chip away at the first layer of metal.

It takes me twenty minutes to finish the first smiley face. As I go on, that amount of time reduces until I can make one in exactly seven minutes and two seconds. Now there are eight smiley faces on the door.

"Ah!" I laugh and clap my hands delightedly. "Helen, do you like them?"

I get nothing but a grunt from her in reply. I don't know how long I'm sitting cross-legged, admiring my work when they start to slide away from me. I look up instinctively, my head tipped all the way back.

"Hello Sarah!" I stretch my arm all the way up and wave.

"Hello Gabby," Sarah, my psychiatrist, says. "Do you want to get up so we can talk?"

"Uh huh!" I scramble to my feet and grab Sarah's free arm. Her other one is holding a clip board. "Come sit!"

I drag Sarah to my table and seat her in Anna Louise's vacated chair. Then I plonk down in my own and pick up the tea pot once more.

"Tea?" I offer politely.

Sarah smile and shakes her head. "Oh, I'm alright. I just had lunch."

I smash the tea pot down on the table, making Sarah jump. I feel bad again.

"Sorry, Sarah." I start to cry. Sarah jots something down on her clipboard. "No one wants my tea!"

I begin to sob loudly, earning a noise of annoyance from Helen, which only makes me cry more.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Gabby," Sarah apologises. "You know what, I will have some tea. In fact, I would love some tea!"

"Yay!" I stop crying immediately and pick up the tea pot. I pour Sarah a cup of tea and pass it to her. "There you go! Would you like sugar or milk?"

Sarah takes a big sip of her tea and returns it to the saucer on the table. "Oh no, I prefer my tea plain. I don't like sweet or creamy things."

"I didn't know that!" I say factually. "I'll remember that for next time."

"Thank you." Sarah looks at her clipboard and writes something else down before asking me, "Do you mind if I ask you some questions today?"

I nod happily.

"Lovely." Clearing her throat, Sarah begins. "When was the last time you saw Anna Louise?"

"Today." I smile proudly at the confidence in my answer. Sarah scribbles down my answer.

"When was the last time you slept?"

"I know! Two weeks ago. For a full twenty minutes!"

Scribble.

"When was the last time you had anything other than tea to drink?"

"Four days ago, Pat brought me some juice."

Scribble.

"How often do you get angry?"

"I don't know."

Scribble.

And lastly, "What day is it?"

"Wednesday!"

Once she finishes writing down my last answer, Sarah takes another sip of tea and stands up.

"Thank you very much, Gabby. I'll see you tomorrow." Then she leaves.

I rub my shaved head and say to Helen, "I think that went well, don't you?"

Helen rolls her eyes and scoffs. "You know you say the same thing every day?"

"No, I don't."

"Yeah, you do." Helen picks at the skin around the area where Patrick had injected her.

"No, I don't," I repeat firmly. "How silly of you to say! I know your wrong, because she always asks me those questions, and I can't have said the same answers because yesterday was Tuesday, so when she asked me 'what day is it?' I couldn't have said Wednesday, like today, because that would have been wrong!"

"You're so fucking stupid," Helen growls. "I don't know what the fuck happened to you, but it fucked you up big time."

My mouth dangles open in shock. "I am not 'fucked up', thank you very much. And that is a very not nice word to call someone." I add poutingly.

"You are too," Helen argues. "And you have no idea how badly fucked up you are either, which I guess is the only thing about you that checks out. I heard them outside yesterday when you were talking to yourself. They're gonna kill you."

I fold my arms and frown. "You're lying."

"Why would I lie?"

"Because you're mean and cranky!"

"That's rich, coming from an idiot like you."

"I'm not and idiot!" I scream. I stand up and grab my stool, lobbing it at Helen as hard as I can. It hits her in the head hard enough to make her fall over. The moment the chair leaves my hands I feel bad, and I run to Helen's side.

"Helen!" I shake her shoulder. When that doesn't work, I pick up her head with both hands. It's heavy and wet. There's a big gash on her temple where the chair hit her. It's bleeding a lot, running down her face and making my hands yucky. I let go of her head to wipe my hands. Her head thunks loudly on the floor and I wince at the sound.

"Wake up, Helen!" I beg. All of a sudden, the smiley faces move really fast and lots of people come into the room.

"Help me!" I ask them. But they don't listen to me. I spot Patrick in the crowd and call out to him. "Pat! Hello Pat! It's me, Gabby!"

But Patrick doesn't look at me. He just focuses on Helen, which makes me angry. I said hello to him, and he didn't even look at me.

"DON'T BE RUDE!" I cry, forcing myself through the crowd to Patrick. I get close enough to hit him in the head with my fist. He yells out in pain, and I feel bad.

"I'm sorry! Pat I'm sorry!"

But it's too late. Half of the crowd of people turn around and pile on top of me, four of them taking my arms and legs, two hold my head and middle section whilst the last one directs them to the door. I struggle against them and the one holding my middle withdraws a black box from his pocket. He presses a button on the side of the box and a little wavy blue line appears between two metal sticks on the end of the box. He sticks the box into my side and presses the button again, making me scream. I twist in pain. My body shudders violently and every muscle in my body clenches like Helen's do before Pat gives her Heroin every day.

The person who hurt me stops pressing the button and puts the black box away. The moment he stops, my muscles release and I'm left panting as the people carry me out of the room. I feel like I'm floating, if I ignore their strong hands gripping me tightly. I giggle, then pause and stare in awe at the world around me.

I haven't been out of the room in ages. I have to strain my neck to see around me, but I catch glimpses of doors with windows and other people walking about. If I don't pay attention to the sounds of the people carrying me and what I can hear coming from my room, I can only just hear the sounds of other people.

I wonder if Anna Louise is in one of these rooms.

Looking straight up, all I can see are rectangular lights every few steps.

We go around a corner and all of a sudden, I'm being lowered onto something cold and flat. It feels like a table, but not like the one in my room that I serve tea at.

The people who were carrying me put big black straps over my neck, chest, stomach, thighs and ankles. They also put handcuffs on my wrists and attach them to little rails on the sides of the table.

"Where are we going?" I ask when they start pushing me.

The voice that answers sounds a lot like Sarah's, but I didn't see her join us.

"To see Anna Louise."