Distant Pleasures

"I can't believe it."

Greta's eyes were as tearful as mine. She knew she was wrong. She knew that it was her fault. She knew that eventually, this was going to happen. She knew everything from the very start; she always knew better than me. I was always too busy, too attached to my dreams and imagination. If only I would have been able to pay more attention to the little details. I would've been able to save myself from all the suffering that I had to go through.

Greta walked up to me and drowned inside my arms as I held her tightly. I didn't want it to end, but I knew it was about time. Tears ran across her cheeks as rain drops. I felt a strange chest pain. I didn't want to do this.

"You know I didn't mean to do it," she whispered over and over again. But I knew she was lying. I knew her too well to believe another one of her lies. She knew from the start that I would eventually find out, yet she continued doing it recklessly.

"I think it's time to end it," I admitted.

"End what?" her eyes reflected such fear I felt like my throat was tied in a knot. I almost felt sorry for spitting those words out of my mouth.

"Us."

She stared at me wordlessly. A silence drowned everything around us. Our tearful gazes were glued to each other. I felt too sorry to pull my eyes away from hers. That distant pleasure of one stare in front of the other that once immersed my soul in love, had now vanished. They say that when a silence appears between two people, it was because an angel passed by. Now I understood which angel flew around us. It was the most terrible, ferocious angel. Now I understood this mortal silence.

She had more than one reason to say sorry. She knew how much everything she had done had hurt me and our relationship. Yet, she never asked for forgiveness. Greta just kept hiding things from me as if it was the most usual thing in the world. She stole my life and left it hidden, away from my reach. Yet, she never asked for forgiveness.

"So you want to throw away what it took us so long to build?" she cried in an unusually loud voice.

But she knew that what we had built was broken, destroyed long ago, even before I was aware of it. Her interest for new adventures, new people, had led her to give up on our relationship. But she didn't dare to tell me.

It was then when I noticed we didn't really have much in common. It was by her resilience that we remained together. Her words left me obsessively thinking about her, even though every word she threw on me had no real meaning behind it, and I had tricked myself into thinking otherwise. I had fallen into one of her traps; one of all those which I would fall into as time flew by. I had spent a long time not understanding where the wind was talking me. I can still remember when I first met her. Without thinking too much about it, I clung to a childish dream. But, was it real love? I just loved the way she fit in my plans. I was just probably used to her nearness.

"Don't look at me like that. Don't try to lie to me like you did so many times before," I said sharply. Her eyes were reflecting a false glow. That glow that once left me dreaming of her; but that now had become a stranger in my imagination. I must admit, she was very good at hiding behind her mistakes. She was good at manufacturing happiness inside me.

"You know how much I regret cheating on you," she said with an upset tone, like suddenly becoming a real person.

"No, I don't. I really don't. I'm not even sure I know you."

"What do you mean? I'm Greta. I'm your girlfriend, I've been your girlfriend for years."

"You were. I'm sorry, but I'm not sure I can continue doing this," I gulped.

Greta took a deep breath and shut her eyes tightly. I stared at her with a sorrowful eye. I knew I had to go through this, and that I would this time commit to it, to save my fate.

"I can't believe we're arguing over this," she said frustratingly.

"Well, I can. What I can't believe is that you could be so disloyal to me. I never harmed you; all I did is show you my love and appreciation. You could have at least talked to me about your needs and desires. But now, I feel like you smashed my trust as if it was a glass of water," I confessed all at once. I felt like I got rid of a huge weight from my shoulders. I was glad I had finally built up the courage to do such a thing.

Greta didn't dare to say anything. She simply stood there and looked at me, eyes widened. She knew I was right, but she was not ready to admit it yet. We both remained in silence wondering what the next word could be.

"So, is this the end?" she asked painfully.

"I guess it is."

"Then," she paused for a while. Greta closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She then opened her eyes and stared at me, trying not to cry once again. "Goodbye then. It was nice while it lasted."

I came closer to her and hugged her again; one last time. With a distant pleasure, I gently caressed her long, curly hair, just as I used to do in the early days. I knew I was going to miss her. The memories of that cherished past would forever be welcomed in my heart, but now, it was time to move on.